In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

[spotlightq]

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

They are not catering to you therefore hosting you. Whether out of being thick, set in ways, malicious or forgetful I don't know.

Choices are

Do actually pulls his finger out and has a fucking conversation with them. If they persist Dp and you do one of the following.

Order a takeaway. Indian, Chinese whatever is open. Make it clear this is because food is a fundamental need and they historically have show they can't or won't cater to you. Point out how many dishes have been made vegetarian and how. (Chickens not a vegetable so I order it without)

Bring your own. Explain as above.

Pretend to being a contribution and watch as the only thing you can fucking eat is demonslished by people who can't imagine a meal without meat. Or plenty of comments about how it looks icky.

People are dicks about not eating meat. They think it's some sort of moral high ground. But you don't have to lie down and accept it. No that's not vegetarian is not rude. Repeatedly banging on about the slaughter and farming practices of lamb whilst they eat it is rude, but in the circumstances I'd give you a pass.

Not over the top or ridiculous in the slightest, as many others have agreed. A loving and supportive partner would not be oblivious to something like this

Hope the OP comes back and tells us what ILs served her for dinner today, 🤞 veggie dinner.

Me too! Fingers crossed for you OP @spotlightq

I have seen people on here who say that, having been vegetarian for a long time, meat and meat products actually upset their digestion and make them uncomfortable and sick, @ChedderGorgeous - so having the odd bit of meat for the sake of family harmony could be a big deal for them.

I am perfectly happy to eat vegetarian meals sometimes - though I don’t like the taste or texture of vegetarian meat substitutes. But I can find enough vegetarian recipes that don’t involve tofu or fake meat or cheese that I can happily cater for a vegetarian without repetition, hesitation (or deviation) for a few days at least. Doing it for longer would require more research, but cooking vegetarian food is no harder than cooking meat based meals. Any good cook can do it.

What will happen about dc's meals at ils op? Mil once told me she would be feeding my vegi dc meat when I wasn't there... Dh fully supported them not eating meat.. Simply put dc never stayed there without me.

Do you think they’d serve Hindus and Buddhists meat OP? Or Jewish people pork?

It’s probably just you that they’re winding up.

I don't understand the bigotry from the, thankfully few, ignorant posters and people in general who won't can't cater for vegetarians.

Either they are being deliberately unkind or they are monumentally thick.

Vegetarianism is pretty mainstream these days and every supermarket has a vegetarian section.

@spotlightq why is not going to the inlaws not an option? Can you visit less frequently?

It sounds like they're deliberately cooking with animal
products to spite you, honestly.

Tofu is not fake anything and is very easy to incorporate into recipes. Fake meat and fake cheese are revolting. About 80% of what I cook is vegetarian or vegan. I don't want it to taste like meat. I eat venison and game and if I want something that tastes of meat, that's what I'll eat. I'm not a vegetarian but the ones I know who are don't want meat or stuff that tastes of meat.

It really isn't difficult to cook a meal with no meat. There must be 1000's of cookbooks available. Or The Guardian's weekly Feast section. Usually at least 75% of the recipes are vegetarian. Or download the menu of any Italian or Greek restaurant, half of them will be vegetarian.

so having the odd bit of meat for the sake of family harmony could be a big deal for them.

I guarantee it will be a big deal. To even say it "could be" really minimises their beliefs. I'm not vegetarian but there are certain animal products I absolutely will not eat because of welfare issues. It would be a "very big deal" to have to eat them.

Absolutely re the fake meat. I’ve been veggie for 35 years and vegan for the past 4. I don’t know anyone past a transitional stage who eats this stuff. There’s so many delicious recipes out there - tofu is fantastic Theres so much you can cook that’s vegetarian, beautiful healthy tasty meals. There’s a weird thing going on with some meat eaters, is it a control thing, a guilt thing about lack of will power?? Who knows!

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle
But I can find enough vegetarian recipes that don’t involve tofu or fake meat or cheese that I can happily cater for a vegetarian without repetition, hesitation (or deviation) for a few days
I think it's a bit unfair to lump tofu into the same sentence as fake meat or cheese - it's a food in its own right and can be a staple of Asian cuisine.

It might be an extreme reaction - but you’d only have to do it once.

That actually means you DO eat UFPs.

Or just not go. Much simpler.

I would disagree on the “no malice”. It isn’t difficult to understand that someone doesn’t eat meat.

@GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight

Er, not sure why you're tagging me and educating me about tofu. I didn't lump tofu in with those monstrosities. I was replying to another poster SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius who did. And who you have now quoted and misattributed to me.

I said tofu is not fake anything and is very easy to incorporate into recipes.

How would it be unreasonable for OP and her partner to leave when her in-laws deliberately make food she can’t eat?

People are dicks about not eating meat. They think it's some sort of moral high ground. But you don't have to lie down and accept it. No that's not vegetarian is not rude. Repeatedly banging on about the slaughter and farming practices of lamb whilst they eat it is rude, but in the circumstances I'd give you a pass.

When has the OP ever said she raises the issue of factory farming with her in-laws?

She didn't. I was saying they are being such dicks it would be reasonable to put them off their meal.

They probably wouldn't care anyway.

As for the moral highground, well I think vegetarians and vegans have a point. although lamb isn't factory farmed.

Ah ok apologies then

I'm vegetarian.
If my in laws served me meat I'd politely apologise for not being able to eat it and remind them I was a vegetarian every single time.
And I'd keep a cereal bar or a banana or something in my handbag. Tell them "no worries, I've got a snack in my bag so I'll just have that instead of you making me something else."

I didn't say I didn't eat any UPFs. I was just agreeing with a poster that vegetable oil is bad for you because it's a UPF. It's difficult to avoid them all, obviously it's not all or nothing, but it's easy to buy something healthier to cook with at home.