In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

[spotlightq]

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

Vegetable oil is not an UPF. It is class 2, processed, like butter, flour, and probably goose fat.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC10399516/#:~:text=Group%202%20processed%20culinary%20ingredients,processed%20food%20of%20simple%20formulation.

Firstly he can eat meat as I understand it. Secondly it was the partner taking her to “ favourite” food that sounded unreasonable - as if she can’t ever consume a meal that isn’t first choice. It would completely blur the message that it simply needs to be veggie - which, as I understand it, is what she wants then to grasp.
Nothing wrong with OP popping out to a local 9 to 9 etc to grab something to eat; but a grand departure of both her and DH to her “favourite” food is just going to make OP look like she’s pulling the tug of war rope. I’m not saying she needs to eat what she doesn’t like but can’t she take a veggie option ( some of the supermarkets do delicious pre packed salads that I’ve had for plenty of meals on the run etc). No, it isn’t my most memorable meals when I do it, and not my favourite food; but not every meal is my ideal. My in-laws don’t cook my favourite food ( though it doesn’t cut against any dietary requirements of mine) nor does a good friend, but that’s part and parcel of being a guest. If op wants to make the point she only eats veggie meals, the best thing she can do is sit and eat an example in front of them.

Splitting the entire gathering because it isn’t her favourite food is totally different from OP quietly but firmly making the point they haven’t given her veggie so she isn’t able to eat it without breaching her dietary regime and she needs to eat something different.

Firstly, neither I or anyone else has said the OP’s husband doesn’t eat meat, so I’m not sure what your point is here. Maybe you think the OP’s diet is less important as she’s a mere in-law?

Secondly, I didn’t make the “favourite food” post, but I don’t believe that poster was suggesting the OP leave because the food wasn’t her favourite. The problem is the food is inedible for her purposes! As I understood it, that poster was saying her husband would have taken her to a restaurant for her favourite food in those circumstances, not because she wanted her favourite and nothing less, but because she was being badly treated by his parents.

As for “Can’t she take a ready prepared veggie option?”, what’s the point of inviting someone over for a meal if you’re deliberately going to serve something they can’t eat? OP could eat any ready made or home made dish she liked at home. Given the in-laws buy it all from M&S anyway, how hard is it to pick up a vegetarian dish from the wide selection they offer?

Actually, I don't think I did lump tofu in with fake meat and cheese, @GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight - in my post, I put tofu and then fake meat/cheese - I thought that made it abundantly clear that I wasn't calling tofu 'fake' anything.

I think that realistically this is the only thing that @spotlightq can do.

Sitting there like a martyr and going hungry is just a ridiculous thing to do.

Apologies if this has been misconstrued.

I think she is batshit for taking this lying down for years on the basis they are a bit oversensitive. Sod that.

Completely agree they are being obscenely rude, hence my woman up comment. I think she is allowing herself to be treated like a doormat and is bending over backwards to avoid conflict or even the barest sniff of it. Time to find some backbone and I mean that nicely.

How is this going to play out in their dotage if she's established no boundaries with them. How is it going to work if her two children have allergies or worse still, choose to be vegetarians? 😁

And I also think it's perfectly acceptable to serve vegetarian food to visiting meat eaters especially if you wouldn't otherwise cook meat. It's an invitation to a meal, not a command.

Because it’s good manners. I’m not fond of pineapple (not allergic). If I go somewhere and am served pineapple I will just eat it so as not to offend. Picky eaters (vegetarian is different) are a pain.

Sad my it’s seems they’re too thick to grasp the nettle or they’re trying to convert you into becoming a corpse cruncher lovely cut hour loses & either take your own prepared food or refuse to go there until they accept & agree to respect your wishes x

I think older people see it as a preference they cant be bothered with. Simply put you wont die for eating meat. Its a choice. It is inconvenient for non vegetarians. Why atent you bringing your own meals? They’re probably asking their friends when you’re going to stop being a princess

As someone who eats meat, I think it's absolutely disgusting that they are still serving you meat, especially knowing full well that you are a vegetarian. Have you spoken to your partner about it? Maybe they can have a word with them about, and tell them it's extremely wrong, and rude, to continuously serve, a known vegetarian, meat and meat products all the time!

Complete ignorance and disrespect for you.

Say one more time something like:
I have brought you a book to educate you on what vegetarian means but to save food waste in the future, please don't cook for me.
The book is in case you have other friends in the future who may be vegetarian

Unfortunately I’ve been getting this and I’m the mother-in-law … I don’t want anything fancy just a little something that’s showing respect . I always respect and it’s not forthcoming and cracks are showing in the family unit atm in very subtle ways
when people show you who they are, believe them ( Mary Angelou )

Once at ils they were making a fry up. After finishing the sausages fil started frying eggs and asked me how many I wanted. I asked if I could have a clean pan for mine (vegi and was already battling the smell of frying meat) fil shoved the hot pan at me splashing hot fat at me and told me to wash it myself... Utter overreaction.. I never ate more than a cuppa and a biscuit there after that. No regard for me at all obviously..

Tbh I wouldn't trust anything they put on my plate and would bring my own from now on. If you have to say you are on an elimination diet.

Agree with others, take your own, at least then you know what your eating, they've known long enough your vegetarian and are not trying to accommodate you.
The amount of times ive been served fish as they know im veggie, they think you just dont eat meat.

Invite them to your house and serve a meal you know they'll absolutely hate! Let them see how it feels. Go ridiculous and do something insanely vegan.

Being vegetarian is being fussy
🙄 Meat makes me ill so I think I'll stay fussy so I stay healthy

Refuse to go. Tell DH he needs to speak with his parents and remind them that you are a vegetarian.

Why is she a Princess for choosing not to eat meat?

I'm also Vegetarian for various reasons, it's a preference. I'm no mither at all. If I'm going to someone's house, say for Sunday lunch, I'll just have everything except the meat and stick a veggie stock cube in my bag for my own gravy. It's really not all that difficult to serve a meal without meat is it?

If someone was coming to my house who had a nut allergy, I wouldn't make a satay sauce! It's called 'consideration'.

@spotlightq stop being bullied by their moods. Take your own food.
You are an adult, take control of your life.
The first time will be the worst.

You have got to be kidding!!! You are doing a ‘reverse’ or whatever it’s called aren’t you?! Being vegetarian is not being a fussy eater! Vegetarian is simple, vegan more complicated, but considering it’s been 9 years and the poor woman hasn’t managed a meal there yet it is it is a completely untenable/unfathomable situation. How hard is to do plain peas for a start???

I don’t think you need to make too much of an issue, given that your in laws suffer from, and make you suffer from, their moods! Why don’t you take for instance a slice of nut loaf, and then go out into the kitchen just before lunch and say something like “ I bought a slice of nut loaf for me to save you bothering about my vegetarian food preferences. Can I have some of your lovely veggies to go with it? Can I have ????.” Then pick the ones you can eat. I don’t think anybody would be hurt or upset by this, peace reigns and you have something to eat.

Just bring your own food and avoid the drama. People with special needs diets are inconvenient at best and usually just plain annoying to cook for, however nice they are as people.
If they are not accommodating your diet they either hate you or find it too difficult to cook differently for you.
So bring along a vegetarian entre and maybe join in helping yourself to any suitable veg. And be good humoured about it.
You'll probably find if you're willing to bring the solution, MIL will become happy to assist and maybe meet you halfway?
But I bet if they all came to yours for lunch, you'd have a problem cooking juicy steaks for everyone else except you. You'd expect them to eat what you deem is suitable and/or appropriate food.