In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

Ridiculously disrespectful of them. We're omnivores in our household, and extended members of the family are vegetarian when they eat with us, I wouldn't dream of serving them anything other than non meat dishes.What we put in our mouths is a personal choice and shouldn't be challenged. I'm not sure I'd go there, your husband should have pointed out to them in the most basic terms, if they are too thick to understand, that being a vegetarian is defined by not eating meat or fish for that matter. If they can't cook something without meat, there are umpteen products on the market these days to accommodate vegetarians.

@Beautiful3

or just say - im a vegetarian??!

Very unkind of them. I really empathise with you. My MIL knows
I have asthma and allergic to cats , she didn’t know why I couldn’t go eat in her niece’s who has 3 indoor cats , it was thankfully my FIL that gave me the heads up! Could your husband check before hand with them maybe ask if they want you to bring some vegetarian food for yourself or something like that? I know a woman that has a gluten intolerance so she always brings her own food to family things , I mean if you were gluten intolerant they wouldn’t expect you to eat a loaf of bread would they ? It shows a total lack of consideration IMHO.

Well there's your problem.

Though it remains that nobody controls you unless you let them...

If you do let them, and you are behaving in a way that you hope will control their response, then you need to examine your approach for signs of codependency.

Either speak up or just carry on leaving a lot of food on your plate. The ILs can take umbrage or not. It's not your problem if they feel put out.

I meant this kindly, but the issue goes deeper than just the food your ILs are offering.

Have you ever had therapy where you could talk about being forced to eat as a child, and feeling unsupported? It seems to me that you are feeling unsupported by your husband, and feeling that you are powerless to advocate for yourself with any hope of being heard. Is this a reflection of your childhood problem?

I got caught out once when serving fruit in jelly, I hadn't realised it wasn't veggie and you needed a special veggie substitue for gelatin. But I hooked some pears in red wine out of the freezer for the guest in question and that was an acceptable substitute! In fact, I think the others were jealous.....😆

Honestly ridiculous! My step daughter (vegetarian) often joins us for roast dinner on a Sunday. I use Sunflower oil for roast potatoes and Yorkshire Puddings, not tricky or more expensive at all. .

Who puts pancetta in peas? That's an act of aggression right there.

Bloody marks and Spencers, they're terrible for doing stuff like that.
Put all kinds of shit in stuff.
Butter in the vegetables, pancetta in the peas etc
Crap if you're vegan or milk intolerant/allergic as you have to be so careful!

OP, it's really rude. Being vegetarian is nothing out of the ordinary and they could really easily accommodate your not in any way demanding needs.

I am a total carnivore but I can understand that if someone has made the choice not to chomp down on the rotting flesh of a once sentient being, constantly putting it in front of them is at best rude. Wouldn't dream of making a guest that uncomfortable. What is wrong with people getting so upset over other peoples choices?

You’re adding to the problem by allowing them to control you.

You’re the fool for sitting hungry every week when you could just make something for yourself. Why don’t you bring a veggie dish for the table and a side, and eat from that?

How annoying. I don't eat fish and always tell people. I've never been in this situation.

Wine isn't usually vegetarian - made with isinglass. I'm an ex- vegetarian hence knowing this

Because she's already done that many times before, they don't care. I would prefer to have a meal I can actually eat.

@totallybonkerswarning a lot of wines are vegetarian or even vegan these days.

DD is vegetarian and my niece is vegan, so we are used to looking out for it. Tesco are pretty good at labelling their wine, and if I am somewhere buying wine and am not sure I just check out the wine producer's website.

Not always, there's a lot of vegetarian and even vegan wines about now.

Cross posted

I normally do potatoes at 200/180 fan, fat hot in the pan first. I do veggies at 180 in olive oil, and they work fine, but I'd thought the potatoes would be too hot. Seems people are saying they're not, though.

I'd heard cold pressed rapeseed oil was okay to use, but it's just buying it, cooking, then the risking feeling crap when I already have alternatives I know I'm fine with. If someone else was hosting so it was only the possible side effects I would give it a try!

oh and vomit inducing chorizo in EVERYTHING

Oh I'm with you there. Hate chorizo.

I used to like chorizo, but it has been overused in so many things now.

I love entertaining and feeding friends and family. I also love a challenge.
We have one vegetarian, one pescatarian and two vegans in the family, one of whom is allergic to nuts.

It really isn't difficult to find something that everyone can enjoy, but I love cookery shows and cooking and I am very broad minded when it comes to trying new things (although, I draw the line at trying snails).

I wouldn't bring the veggie dish "for the table". They sound like the sort of people to help themselves to it, and you'd still be left hungry. Plate it up for yourself.

I'm vegetarian because I'm allergic to galactose which is in most meat products and its the easiest way to safely describe a diet I can eat. There are many other condition that cause people to have to be vegetarian or vegan. Can we stop with the ignorant 'you made a life style choice, you think your better than me' crap.

Literally no one has said they are 'morally superior' talk about bloody projecting, do you take that same ignorant attitude with coeliacs or people with nut and fish allergies?

I am not a vegetarian by any means but how damn hard is it to make some vegetarian dishes! Especially for family. YANBU