In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

That’s a few UPFs and white carbs too far even for me.

This "do you accommodate them" response is so tedious. As has been pointed out nobody has to eat animal protein at every meal.

The family I visit most often for dinner don't have upf oils in the house, only olive and coconut like I use. I ate vegetable oil yesterday at another family member's house. I didn't think to check or I would have just eaten the meat and boiled veg. I was in significant discomfort for several hours. I can't eat things like fish and chips out anymore.

I have some food intolerances rather than allergies (side effects are unpleasant but not life threatening) and I would be furious if my in-laws constantly ignored that. If you don’t speak up for yourself every time OP then nobody else will and you need to tell them every time they give you meat.

I don't eat no upfs. I avoid what I can, particularly the ones that make me ill.

None of us are getting out of here alive you know.

Oh, I like this! And before anyone gets their knickers in a twist about 'ah but smoking, drugs, free running ...' or whatever - with diet, for me anyway, it's about moderation rather than elimination (assuming no allergies, illnesses etc)

You allow them to control you with their moods.
Stop doing that. Problem solved

Anyone who purposefully serves a vegetarian meat is a twat.

You wouldn't have been unreasonable to have thrown the whole plateful in the bin, OP.

They sound ridiculous.

I don't obsess. I avoid what is easy to avoid (mostly at home) and then what makes me ill. I don't like being in pain or feeling like crap.

Just playing Devil's Advocate here, but if a vegetarian invites their PIL round for a meal and the PIL say "We don't like vegetarian food - we only eat proper food with meat", should the vegetarian accommodate their wishes?

In the specific case of the OP, she could say “Fine - your son can cook your meat dishes and I’ll cook my own”.

In a hypothetical case of two vegetarians inviting meat eaters over, they get could say “I’m sorry, we’re really not comfortable preparing meat in our house. How about a takeaway/restaurant instead?” [Delete as applicable depending on how strict they are about having meat in the house at all]

There isn’t an option where the guests can force the hosts to cook meat or the hosts can force the guests to come. If the OP’s in-laws are so dead set against cooking something vegetarian (even though they buy it all pre-cooked from a shop well known for offering plant-based options), they can just stop inviting her. My guess is they won’t, because they want her to be the one to say she’s not going to come anymore, so that they can blame her when they don’t see as much of the grandchildren as they’d like.

It’s outrageous to host a vegetarian then and then not accommodate them.

Good if they take it personally because making it personal is what they're doing to you.
DP of a very old friend used to do this all the time. Always invited us to birthdays and New Year parties etc and apart from a tub of hummus there'd be nothing else, nothing. Even the carrot sticks and pitta bread were always deliberately artistically arranged so that they'd be touching meat. Crisps of many flavours would be piled into the same bowl. They didn't like any friends their DP had from before they met and had many strategies to see us off. We dont see them any more

One Christmas my mum cooked some stuffing and sausagemeat separately to the turkey, rather than up it's butt so that I would be able to eat it. It was very kind of her, but as a vegetarian I still couldn't eat the sausagemeat! This was pre-veggie sausage days.

It doesn't matter when it started or how. You don't have to justify your choices.

I do think you need to start putting a sandwich or something in your bag for visits though, OP. They clearly will not stop so you either accept it or accommodate for it.

I think you are being a bit batshit. They are serving mostly preprepared supermarket foods, they're not slaving over this for hours so if they take offence that you have done exactly the same thing and brought a vegetarian dish you can eat from M&S they can hardly object and take it personally without looking quite silly.

Either woman up or keep leaving the food on your plate. They clearly have no intention of doing anything about it but I bet if you start turning up with food then magically there'll be something for you from M&S next time around.

Just like every other non-medically required diet, it is a preference, not a requirement. A good host will accommodate because a good host wants guests to feel welcome and enjoy their meal, but it isn’t a necessity.

id just avoid meetups that involve eating in their home or if you must, bring something you want to eat so you know there will be food for you.

Interestingly I can't have animal fats. Oil is fine but chicken skin or butter kills me

Completely agree

stupidest comment on mn of the year so far
🙄🙄🙄

Is this for real?????@

TBF this one runs it a close second.

Just playing Devil's Advocate here, but if a vegetarian invites their PIL round for a meal and the PIL say "We don't like vegetarian food - we only eat proper food with meat", should the vegetarian accommodate their wishes?

"Proper food" good grief.

I'm sorry but your weak personality really is irritating. I hate it when people "don't want to cause an argue" etc because life does contain confrontations and you need to face them like an adult, not a timid child "trying to please everyone"

So you either say every single time
'I can't eat that, I am vegetarian.'

Or
Say nothing but be prepared that you might not be eating so you need a big breakfast.

Personally I would tell them.

It's an astonishing comment isn't it.

But then the meat would have been wasted, and the animal would have died for nothing.

They should respect her wishes and not serve her meat in the first place.

When we have vegetarian friends round for dinner we all eat vegetarian. I relish the opportunity to eat something different from usual.

PILs ABU.

But you don't have to do most of that separately. Just don't use goose fat/beef fat and then everyone can eat the vegetables and sides.
I'm sure, from what OP says, she'd happily bring her own main meal (whether that's a nut roast, quorn slices or something else).

If you're hosting a meal, then you take into consideration what your guests will eat.