In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

[spotlightq]

Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

They don't care about upsetting you, why do you care? I would take my own food.

and if they offer you meat, say 'you know I'm vegetarian' every single time. no sorry, no thanks.

also why isn't dh having a word with them?

You seem very passive OP, every time they serve you meat, say no sorry I can’t eat that, I have told you I’m a vegetarian. Come on they must be doing it to get at you, no one can be that inconsiderate. It’s easy to make a veggie option for a dinner guest.

Well they can't have it both ways. Either they need to cater for your needs or they need to accept that you bring your own food. If they don't care enough to consider you when they are buying their m and S ready meal that's fine but surely they can let you bring something of your choice.

If I'm cooking for veggie friends they would sometimes bring their own because some of them are a bit puritanical and don't eat anything processed, others would prefer just eat the veg and potatoes so I obviously make sure they didn't have added meat products. I admit I don't always go to huge lengths but to not even consider it is plain rude.

And I'd be willing to bet there are often issues around your children?

OP, you’re being really vague about your relationship with them. What is the ‘water under the bridge’? Why is it one of ‘tolerance’?

I'm not sure if this is relevant, but sometimes families fall into this routine where you go and visit people for a meal, but the people serving the meal get fed up of the obligation to do it and the people attending only go out of obligation to 'visit their parents', they don't do it because they enjoy each others company and want to see each other, it's just a routine they've fell into because if it wasn't done that way they'd probably never see it each other at all.

Not all families have good relationships with their parents etc and they see this as a happy medium to at least do their duty. My sis used to go to her in laws every Sunday for dinner, from all accounts no one seemed to enjoy it, it was just routine.. she hated it but did it for 15 years.

Maybe OP's situation is a little like this, which would explain why they don't go to any extra effort to accommodate OP, and OP doesn't feel like she can say anything or refuse to go, the whole thing sounds weird but it does happen within families.

The best solution is to stop going for meals and go at a different time instead, or have them round to yours, or go out together instead! Break the cycle!

Do you mean vegetable oil is horrid and really bad for you? I use vegetable oil most of the time if I'm frying or roasting stuff. Almost everyone I know does too.

Your DH should say after the food is served "oh sorry, DW has been vegetarian for the last 7 years of our marriage, so she can't eat this. We're just going to pop out for lunch so she can have something to eat, we'll see you after lunch."

Hey OP. I feel your pain.
but I continuously tell them I don’t eat x. And you know it.

i rarely eat there now. My DH gets annoyed but my point is clear, no respect for my food choices.. so.. no thanks!

my mil hates prawns, guess what, I never serve her prawns.
it’s a respect thing. They don’t respect you. So stop. Stop allowing them to do this to you.

If this were us, DH would tell parents we’re leaving and take me to a restaurant for my favourite food.

Yeah, sure he would 😂😂😂 (posters who make out their Hs are heroic gentlemen, chivalrous, yet awed by and supportive of their strong feisty, fiercely feminist spirit, are hilarious and full of shit and like make out anyone who accepts less is a failure and simply not as good as them)

All vegetable oils, as in any fat not from an animal? You can’t have olive, rapeseed, almond, avocado oil?

Yes, it's a UPF

Ffs. If they are "sensitive" that is not your problem. You are choosing to be a doormat. If you are a vegetarian and choose to visit someone who you know full-well won't cater for your needs then either eat beforehand or take a packed meal from home. It's not hard to say "I'm vegetarian - I can't eat this but don't worry I will feel myself". If they know you are vegetarian and serve you meat they are horrible people and as an adult you do not have to put up with this.

I agree with @YireosDodeAver

Well they aren't going to change and you have been pretty dismissive of others suggestions, so nothing is likely to change.

and @rookiemere

@spotlightq Stop being so passive. Just take some ready meals that you can heat in the microwave. What kind of role model are you to your children when they can see you sitting like a martyr eating nothing. Put your big girl pants on and make sure you don't go hungry. If you aren't prepared to assert yourself then stop complaining. It is up to you whether you go hungry or not in your inhospitable inlaws' house.

My ex was vegetarian, and there was no way the family were going to give up a Sunday roast forever- which meant cooking separate potatoes, Yorkshire puddings and a main dish. It was a significant amount of effort. I hope you do recognise that for the people who do try to accommodate you.

@Hotdogity it really isn't difficult to make roast potatoes and Yorkshire puddings vegetarian. You don't need to use goose fat or lard to get excellent results. I use light olive oil for these and my roasties are crisp and golden and my Yorkshires are a sight to behold. Watching them rise as they cook is magical.

Some people seem to be unable to think outside of the box.

And as for @CloudsUnderwater's ignorant and rude comments - words fail me.

I'm fine with olive oil, avocado, coconut. Not vegetable, sunflower, rapeseed (haven't tried cold pressed though).

So you have a catering requirement if you eat a roast at someone else’s house? Or indeed any meal that requires cooking oil?

I don't think it's rude to not eat what you've been served, tbh. Just say, sorry, I'm vegetarian so I can't eat that. Say it every single time.

Why are they even "serving" you a plate? Get in the kitchen, interfere and make sure that any plate that goes in front of you doesn't have any meat content. Quite simple. I think you just need to assert yourself a bit more, before the plate hits the table...

Macaroni cheese is pretty grim though.

I am interested to know what happens when they visit you?
Do you serve up vegetarian only meals or do you accommodate them and their preferences?

In the real world though most people don’t obsess about UPFs.

None of us are getting out of here alive you know.

Personally I think the MN obsession with roast dinners is grim.

I mentioned macaroni cheese because it's an everyday day "normal food"

Then do a side of chips and garlic bread. Take out a portion of the Macaroni cheese, fry off some bacon lardons and add them to the rest of the macaroni cheese.

@Kalevala

good luck eating no UPFs

I haven’t had the misfortune to have to eat macaroni cheese for many years so it isn’t everyday for me - I also don’t hear people talking about eating it so probs not just me. I eat plenty of meals that aren’t roasts though.

When I was in catered halls at uni 30 years ago they used to serve it up though 🤣