In-laws still serve me food they know I don't like

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Husband and I have been married for 7 years, together 9. I have been a vegetarian the entire time.

Every time we come here to eat, I'll be offered/given something containing meat. I have to then feel rude and say no thank you.

For example yesterday the peas were ready prepared with mint and bloody pancetta. My plate was dished up for me, so I ended up having to leave a load of food on my plate. It looks rude from my side, but I think it's rude of them.

How hard is it!

I eat pretty much anything that doesn't move fast enough, but I can't believe something as mainstream as vegetarianism is still being sneered at in this day and age. I also count myself pretty much the world's worst host, but if you invite someone round to dinner it's only decent to provide suitable food for them. If they spring a new dietary requirement on you at the last minute that's a different matter (but would still accommodate it if possible).

Meat in peas though, that's really weird stuff. I like meat, and I like peas, and I'm probably having them on the same plate, but mixing up little chewy bacon bits with the peas would be... just no. DS2 once brought home some chocolate muffins his friend had made, and didn't warn me she'd added BACON until I discovered it the hard way! Apparently this really is a thing

Just take a really nice take out and warm it up. Don't worry about upsetting them, they don't care about you.

I'm veggie, I always feel bad that people have to accommodate me. Very happy to feed myself if need be. you do have a husband problem though.

Obviously, I meant in general not this specific situation. Normal people have a meat option and a veggie option that are separate, if they are hosting for people who refuse to eat veggie based foods and people who refuse to eat meat based foods.

It's the other way around surely: meat eating is the 'lifestyle' choice. All the science points to plant-based diets being healthier and I think something like 80% of the world are predominantly plant based, therefore that is more 'the norm'.

It sounds like they are using shop bought prepared meals anyway so it’s not like a load of cooking effort has gone into it. So on that basis I would look to bring my own shop bought vegetarian meal to stick on the microwave.

unfortunately i do think you’re going to have to explain your husband what you’re doing and why so he can explain to his parents. It really shouldn’t be a big deal.

what I don’t understand is why sensitive people are serving food to you that you can’t eat? I’d be mortified to serve food to someone that they can’t eat or don’t like. So are they actually sensitive or more a don’t give a fuck my way or the highway types? (In which case don’t think twice about eating your food).

If you’re not prepared to accommodate for vegetarianism, don’t invite a vegetarian for lunch. The only reason someone would invite a vegetarian for a meal they know they can’t eat is to be a massive twat.

Millions of people are now vegetarian. It is not a fad or a lifestyle choice. And really not hard to accommodate.

I am happy to eat just a bowl of pasta or an omelette or a sandwich even. Your inlaws sound horrible. I would take my own food whether they liked it or nor.

I don't know why you're still tolerating this! You've told them and they still haven't listened, so you or your DH need to take more control!
Take your own food. Even if it's something to shove in the microwave.
DH 'reminds' them beforehand that you won't be able to eat anything meat related.
You call them out. Again. Say you can't eat anything.
Who cares if they're super sensitive? Stop being a doormat.

I’ve made the best roast potatoes in olive oil since I read the recipe in Heston’s cookbook and that makes them vegan as well I imagine 😁

The in laws obviously like the dc and maybe your dh but they don’t like you - can he not just take them and you stay at home? I’m sure it’s not personal, maybe no one would have been good enough to join their family. Who are you doing this for?

This is about control. By repeatedly serving up food they know you can’t eat, I wonder if they’re trying to get you to react, then act innocent. This is about more than the food.

Honestly they can just buy a veggie lasagne or something when they pick up the ready made peas/pancetta thing. If they don’t like the extra expense then you can offer to provide it. They are being deliberately obtuse by the sounds of things and dh needs a (metaphorical) kick up the jacksy.

They don’t care about your feelings so you need to stop caring about theirs.

of course you can. You can say to your DH: as long as they do this, i will not darken their doorstep.
And make sure he makes them understand that your actions keep you away.

Why do you think you can't?

Why wouldn’t you accommodate it, though? Same as if somebody hated olives, presumably you wouldn’t serve them olives.

I’m not vegetarian, but there IS a moral reason for being vegetarian or vegan. We all know how poorly animals are treated in order to provide us with food, I think.

• I will mention to my husband again today. He's pretty much oblivious to everything (a separate issue)*

There in lies your problem, he's happy to let his parents disrespect you, my DP always lets people know in advance I'm a vegetarian, avoids any mishaps at the table.

Perhaps they're trying to tell you something !.

We are big meat eaters but have no problem hosting DSs veggie GF. It is not a problem!! Roasties can easily be done in olive oil , and we just cook a veggie quiche or pie. No meat in veggies . Easy!!

Your DH needs to have a word with them!

Making a roast with vegetarian guests is a pain, PIL want the roast which is fine, but they also want the pigs in blankets veggie versions, then a separate main component, even though I do loads of veg options (eg tofurkey) we either all have to have veggie stuffing which isn't great or I have to make two, everything has to be on separate trays to avoid contamination and I just don't have the oven space. Potatoes roasted in olive oil are fine so I don't mind that. To be honest I just don't cook a roast when they're here, I do one meal that everyone can eat. They eat fish (morally that's fine apparently 🤷‍♀️) so I tend to do something veggie or pescatarian. The only time it really annoyed me was when they announced they were vegan just before Christmas I did two versions of almost everything, made a vegan pudding etc, oat cream , no honey on the roasted parsnips etc etc and then came into the living room to find they'd eaten most of my handmade definitely not vegan chocolates my lovely boss had given me!

In fact I dispute whether roasties are better in goose fat - tried it once, can’t tell the difference personally - but what was different was the huge amount of effort cleaning the oven!!

Even more reason not to go!

They're being idiots . Just don't go and if that means your dh has to go alone with the dc you can enjoy a weekend of peace.

Either that or kick up a fuss.

They won't change otherwise.

It's tricky being veggie because a lot of people are stupid about it as evidenced by a few of the posts on here.

They're disrespecting you.

You just explain to your DH that you’re done. He can take the kids to see GPs on his own. No obligation to them to cater for you if they don’t want to; but if they want you to show up they understand what vegetarian means.

He can deal with the fallout it’s not actually your problem.

I just make a full veggie or vegan meal if a guest is either of those. It’s not difficult.

Imagine being this self involved and arrogant that you believe that if someone else has different requirements to you then you’re fussy.

As a vegetarian when meat eaters visit I cook them meat because I’m not a massive twat.
The fact you think you shouldn’t have to says a lot about you. People don’t eat meat for a whole variety of reasons from medical, to ethical, to religious. But don’t let any of that interfere with your demand that we should all be like you lest we cause you any tiny little inconvenience.

Some people really are the worst.

I cook roast potatoes in olive oil all the time. Absolutely fine!

Why should they accommodate her?
Why wouldn't you accommodate someone you cared about? You loved? Absolutely mind boggling you would hold someone you cared about in such contempt. If that's how you treat your loved ones I'd be curious to see how you treated people you dislike.

Vegetarians are no more morally superior than any other fussy eater.
Who is saying they are? OP isn't slagging off meat eaters or acting like she is better than them, in fact the only person making a scene to that effect is you. Which says a lot....