Would you fall for a romance scam artist?

[Mojitowithelfreako]

They just seem so ridiculous (the men).
The Tinder Swindler, Dirty John, Bad Surgeon, the guy from Bad Vegan... why do they succeed?
I feel like I would see through it, especially when they bring up the 'CIA' stuff. These women don't seem stupid. Do they never sit back and think 'that doesn't add up' or speak to their friends who say 'that's bullshit'. I just don't get it.
Maybe they are super charming but I think they go too far with their lies. As soon as anyone said 'it's top secret' then I would immediately think what a dick head.
Do you think they try several women before they succeed or can they tell which women want to believe, or are vulnerable?
Or could any of us get drawn in?

I like to think I wouldn't but one of the things people who teach you about fraud say is not to just assume you are too clever to get scammed, but to have good safeguards in place.

no I wouldn't

No I’m far too mean 😂

@MugLove well I'm skint so not sure they'd try it on in the first place. If they were trying to scam a student single mum of two, they've really got issues!

It depends on what your weak spot is. And we all have one...

Easy for me to say I would not have got fooled by the tinder swindler because I don't care for the "luxe" insta lifestyle.

I don't think so because I'm a sceptical, cynical, paranoid pessimist! On the flip side this means never giving anyone a chance...

It’s hard to credit isn’t it?

I was lucky, though. When Brad contacted me from Afghanistan I just knew he was for real. He’d seen my picture online and fallen in love! Combat surgeons in the US Marines don’t just randomly get in contact. And his spelling was only a bit off because he was typing under fire.

Before he was in the Marines he had a very successful practice in LA, operating on Hollywood stars. He’s just too classy to be a scammer: he only signed up because he’s a patriot.

He’s back in civvy street now but has some money problems. Something to do with helping Afghan orphans: they’re so expensive! The £25k I’ve sent him is going to two good causes - well three really, because I can add my future to the orphans’ and Brad’s.

He’s coming over soon. Just as soon as the CIA have finished debriefing him. It’s very thorough, apparently.

I’m so lucky. Which makes me all the sorrier for those who get suckered.

I think they choose carefully.

They probably cast the net out wide but then focus on the women who trauma dump early on because they have given these guys the tools to manipulate them with.

Imo it's like tarot readers or psychics, there's a skill to reading someone and making it sound like fate.

@MuffinsAreJustCakesAtBreakfast so how do you think someone could scam you?
Mine would be earthy, lefties. If they told me they were building a commune and had a space in a yurt with my name on, then maybe...

It's all very easy for us to assume we wouldn't get sucked in, but these guys are often very thorough.

I watched the Tinder Swindler and I guess the thing is the guy gave his dates every sign that he genuinely had the money he said he had. I mean, he did have some of it, it's just it was from other women he'd swindled. And he made sure to develop 'emergencies' in the middle of the night when his marks would be half asleep and more likely to take the bait, for example.

No because I'm cynical and suspicious in nature.

I don't trust anyone especially men.

I hope I'm never lonely or vulnerable enough to be sucked in.

No chance. I've never been desperate for a man, and any prospective date asking me for money would be such a turn-off anyway, even if they were genuine.

@Echobelly yes, and he did that for quite a while didn't he? I think the women also matriculated in circles where that life was attainable. He didn't contact council estate Lil for a reason.

@SophiaElise but they wouldn't do it on a first date, it would be pretty far down the line.

The Bad Surgeon documentary was bloody terrifying though. He wasn’t just a romance scammer, he actually operated on people who then died. A charlatan in every area of his life. An awful story.

No I wouldn’t fall for it. But I would say that wouldn’t I? If someone is being fooled they don’t know it.

Someone asking me for money will be a deal breaker at any stage of our relationship. These men aren't asking for a tenner - they usually want large amounts transferred. I won't do that for anyone period, but I guess I'm a tight git.

Never underestimate how powerful wanting to believe something can be - and that doesn't exclude even obvious scams for some

I would hope not, but I was surprised last week when I opened my Whatsapp to find a photo of a very handsome Japanese astronaut in my contact list, complete with space suit !!

I guess everyone on this thread has heard about romance scams and the tactics used and that in itself must be a massive protective factor, surely? It's women who aren't plugged into this type of intel who are amongst the most vulnerable.

I have a friend who's not on social media and barely online at all and I bet she's never heard of any of this stuff. She's quite stingy so I can't imagine it happening to her, but other women like her who are a bit more trusting and generous, I could see how it might happen.

Are you stealing my hot man??

Yes I agree with this. You want something so much you override your own common sense.
Its a tough balance though because if you do the opposite (and never believe anyone) you’ll be on your own forever.

No! There must be another a bit like him. Probably not as good as Brad though. No-one could be.

He’s committed to me and only me. I’ve got that in writing.

I did, and I'm a smart, professional, well educated woman. I'd just got out of an abusive relationship so was vulnerable and he knew the buttons to push

This was in the days before dirty John et al was so well known, but I always thought I would have been able to spot a scam a mile off.

I figured it all out after about 5 months so didn't get in hugely deep but damage was done. He wasn't as clever as he thought, police were involved, and I got some of my money back.

A horrific experience all round, years later it still affects me.