Would you fall for a romance scam artist?

[Mojitowithelfreako]

They just seem so ridiculous (the men).
The Tinder Swindler, Dirty John, Bad Surgeon, the guy from Bad Vegan... why do they succeed?
I feel like I would see through it, especially when they bring up the 'CIA' stuff. These women don't seem stupid. Do they never sit back and think 'that doesn't add up' or speak to their friends who say 'that's bullshit'. I just don't get it.
Maybe they are super charming but I think they go too far with their lies. As soon as anyone said 'it's top secret' then I would immediately think what a dick head.
Do you think they try several women before they succeed or can they tell which women want to believe, or are vulnerable?
Or could any of us get drawn in?

So then where is the line regarding banks reimbursing people's money? If I have been warned something is a scam and I still choose to hand money over, at what point does the bank say no- you aren't getting it back?

Gambling isnt rational either but banks dont reimburse the the money lost from that. I'm not trying to be controversial here but it is an interesting point- at what level does personal responsibility kick in?

I didn't say anything about banks? I just don't think it's all that funny to slag off the women who fall victim to these pricks.

If you willingly keep handing over money then the bank usually don’t reimburse depending on whether the victim has dementia etc, in my experience the bank only tend to refund money when the victim couldn’t have reasonably known, such as clicking on a link or being duped on a one off basis. I’ve known people to get scammed and they’ve not been refunded because they willingly gave money to someone even though the red flags were waving.

A friend worked for a highstreet bank. A young lad came in who had been conned online. He was trying to buy trainers from some dodgy store. They kept getting him to put the payment through and took £15k of him. Because he consented every time he got nothing back.

Bloody hell how much were the trainers and how many times did he put the payment through for them to do away with 15k? How sickening. Don’t think I’d be able to get over that!

FGS, I am not slagging them off. All I said was, if you have been warned something is a scam by everyone you know and the evidence online shows that the person doesnt exist, it's worth checking it out and there is some element of personal responsibility there.

If you willingly keep handing over money then the bank usually don’t reimburse depending on whether the victim has dementia etc, in my experience the bank only tend to refund money when the victim couldn’t have reasonably known, such as clicking on a link or being duped on a one off basis. I’ve known people to get scammed and they’ve not been refunded because they willingly gave money to someone even though the red flags were waving

Ah thanks, thats what I was wondering. Every time I pay a bill online I get a "are you sure this isnt a scam" tick box so I presume they put that in to cover themselves

Well clearly. But the people who fall victim to these things are not thinking rationally obviously. That's kind of the point.

For a romance scam to top them all read 'The Bigamist' by Mary Turner Thomson.
It involves marriage of several years, dozens of legitimate and illegitimate children, many mistresses, couple of wives. CIA links (of course)

My jaw was on the floor from start to finish, just unbelievable how coercive this man was.

That’s not a scam so much as a typical affair that didn’t pan out the way the OW always thinks it will.

With hindsight (again!) I agree with you and when you look back the red flags are glaringly obvious. The point I was making in telling my story though wasn’t that I necessarily “got scammed” but that I can understand how it happens. You can be groomed by a cheater with lies and half-truths to get into a relationship with him and IMO it’s akin to getting scammed. My point was that I can understand the psychology behind it.

Vulnerable/sad person targeted by a serial cheat, subtlety fed a load of lies that seem absolutely genuine as the person is so nice, kind and normal. How you maybe ignore small red flags as by that point you are so convinced that they are your person that it’s inconceivable that they’d be trying to dupe you. And in my case I asked myself - why would he be lying? He took me out in the area he lived in holding hands, introduced me to work colleagues, had me to his house etc, paid for everything -I had no reason to believe he was lying about leaving his wife - he seemed very unhappy with his situation.
But the ease with which he lived this double life makes me think it must be something he does regularly - his lies were pathological. If it hadn’t been revealed so soon I can see how he could’ve maybe moved to asking for money - not outright asking for it of course but maybe insinuating he needed it for a down payment on a house/to pay off something so he could move on away from his wife. I’d like to think at that point I’d have had the scales properly fall from my eyes - but when you are in love with someone your subconscious doesn’t want to believe it isn’t real.

Also I believe his wife has stayed with him. She is very attractive and has a successful career/is intelligent yet she has obviously been falling for his lies for years. I feel very sorry for her as he must’ve done a complete number on her. She knows I went to their house and that he told loads of lies about her being mentally ill and taking an OD etc yet she has chosen to let him stay. He apparently threatened to kill himself if she left. That proves how persuasive and manipulative a liar he is.

Scammers, cheats, charlatans- they’re all pretty much the same thing.
The point is that if it was at all obvious people wouldnt fall for it. I’m not talking about the Nigerian Prince type stories but the ones who do it very cleverly.
They are pathological liars with personality disorders and are skilled in what they do - it’s like a hobby they are very practiced at.

When I found out the truth about him it certainly felt like I’d been scammed.

@Tootytoot78 is that what Mrs Wilson is based on?

Poor lad. He was only 18. The trainers were £200. He tried a couple of times with no joy. And then they called him saying to try again or try this different account, stuff like that.

I don't think so, I haven't heard it was made into a film, people would think it was too far fetched to be true!

Are you suggesting that I, a 45 year old mother of two am not irresistible to a 21 year old hottie? How very dare you 😆

😂

The thing is that the scammers have an answer for everything. If you're told that the person you've been sending money to is a fraudster - you go straight to them and ask them what's going on, why would anyone say they were defrauding and they have a wonderful, and plausible (to you, who really WANTS to believe them) answer.

They are clever and they are invested in getting more and more money out of those they already have hooked. So they can refute everything (often with 'evidence') that friends and family try to tell you.

These women don't seem stupid.

But they actually are. The tinder one was so highly frustrating that by the end of it I thought they deserved it for being so stupid.

Not unless I was ABSOLUTELY CONVINCED it was Timothee Chalamet.

How funny! He’s a friend of Brad’s!

I don’t get this thinking at all. Why on earth would you ask someone if they are a fraudster? Of course they will deny it and come up with some story. Surely you would do investigations independently?

Reminds me of a recent romance scam sad face story I read- the victim was worried that the scammer might be overseas and told him so. Lo and behold, after she expressed this worry, he changed his WhatsApp location to the suburb next to her which incredibly satisfied her. She explained in her sad face story that she wasn’t really stupid because of this evidence- he was just a mastermind changing his location!

The scammers usually use the same photos so a quick reverse image would tell you who the real person is.

Someone I know did - it was so obvious too when she described the situation, a pilot, U.K. born and bred with terrible spelling should Jane been first warning. She ended up giving him 5k for fees for a parcel he was sending her full of money! I mean come on. The bank refunded her too. Madness

Definitely,Brad doing special operations for the CIA definitely needs my money to get back to the good old US of A and help his sick child get their life saving operation.

It does infuriate me that the banks refund! I sometimes have to go phone banking because of problems with the app and get endlessly questioned about the reasons fur eg the 10 transfer to s friend for a ticket.
We are all paying for the refunds to these deluded people.

I don’t get this thinking at all. Why on earth would you ask someone if they are a fraudster? Of course they will deny it and come up with some story. Surely you would do investigations independently?

Exactly. I'm married but if I was dating, I'd be independently googling/researching absolutely everyone I dated to check them out for this very reason, I certainly wouldnt be satisfied with some "clever" answer just because they told me if my gut told me it wasn't right. I've worked in psychology, I know about body language, signs of lying and manipulations and so no, I wouldnt just believe them no matter how elaborate or convincing their story was. Plenty of others would do this too. I also dont believe that all scammers are evil geniuses - many of them make stupid and very obvious mistakes. If scammers really all were genius masterminds, they'd be doing a far more lucrative job than having to con women out of money whilst running from the law.