Husband on phone the whole fucking time he’s with the children

[Hormonalorjustified]

I’m heavily pregnant and extremely hormonal so want to check I’m not overreacting…

DH has been getting up early with our small children throughout my pregnancy. Amazing - what a great dad. So helpful for me to have an extra 1-2 hours in bed. Right?

except that I’ve just learnt that day in, day out, he is, from 5am-7am, just watching YouTube videos on his phone. And they are short videos, 2-3 mins long (eg about football or tv shows or films). So it’s not something he has on in the background (which tbh I also wouldn’t find ideal as 1 and 3 year old need supervision and attention and it isn’t setting the best example/they aren’t allowed screen time in the morning). He has just been actively doomscrolling and watching stuff for hours on end. For months.

I am a SAHM and I have to say this just isn’t parenting for me. I found out he was doing this for a window at the beginning of my pregnancy, explained I didn’t think this was alright and if he didn’t feel up to getting up I would rather do it myself/not do this. He said he understood/agreed. So I trusted him
not to do it. And I find out he has all along!

I totally get some people have different bars for what they do/let their children do and I am not judging for that but AIBU to think I should be able to trust my husband to do what we fucking agreed with our children?! I feel like an idiot I would have rather been up at 5am myself. It explains a lot of things too - DS having a bump etc and him not knowing how it happened, or me sometimes waking up to hear DS communicating but not able to hear my husband responding for several minutes.

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Can’t get worked up about this at all. How he parents your joint kids while you aren’t around is his business. You wouldn’t be deferring to his way while he’s not around would you.

At the age of 1, they were still in their cot and couldn't climb out. If they woke early, we'd go and settle them in their dark bedroom and tell them it was sleepy time. Quiet voices. No interaction.

Rinse and repeat until 7am.

When the sides of the cot came off we used a light on a timer switch. Light off, stay in your room, light on, wake up time. They'd mostly sleep until 6.30/7am, as THEY HAD BEEN TRAINED. If they did wake up before 7am, they'd play with toys in the dark of their rooms until the light came on. They'd either come find us or look at books until we'd get them.

The 1yr old sleep training is the part you and your hubby are missing. Screens or no screens. It's called parenting.

there is a scale - I think iPads and screens cause a colossal amount of damage. It’s all part of a cycle/problem.

Also quoted from OP...
Begs the question why OP's DC have any acsess to Ipads, shared or otherwise.

is this for real? He must be exhausted.

Why on earth would that happen ? Surely this great dad that you are defending would have his kids 50% of the time !

So you suggest your dh should just sit there with a coffee, in his hands, watching them play, for two hours?! Absolutely no way would I do that five days a week.

He shouldn’t have agreed to your demand but you’re the one continuing to get knocked up by this “feckless”parent.

I kinda agree with this sentiment although I wouldn’t have phrased it like that. This is your third child - what was he like before? Surely this can’t be completely new behaviour?

I had early risers but I too am an early riser so it didn’t really bother me - I used to do my ironing while DC played with their toys/watched cartoons. So I’d have rather used the time productively although tbf, no mobile phones in those days. If there were, I may have been tempted onto mumsnet!

'This is an example of a fallacy called the fallacy of relative privation. The fallacy of relative privation rejects an argument by stating the existence of a more important problem. The existence of such a worse issue, the fallacy insists, thereby makes the initial argument irrelevant. This fallacy is also known as the appeal to worse problems or “not as bad as”.'

No. I was just responding to a bollocks post about what people did in the past which led me onto another thought.

'The 1yr old sleep training is the part you and your hubby are missing. Screens or no screens. It's called parenting.'

Yes. It isn't easy op, takes effort and consistency but 5am starts are not the way forward here with or without YouTube.

Does your dh know you checked his internet use?

FFS

No idea, we don’t own any and are not anti-screen time at all, it seems at odds with the rest of the OP’s approach. But there’s nothing you quoted that suggested they had their own iPads at 1 and 3 which is what you claimed was the root of all evil in the world today…

I don’t have one of those husbands that looks at his phone constantly, so that might well annoy me.

However, I’d be absolutely demented if I was up daily with 2 little kids at 5am, so whatever gets him through…

And, are you actually checking his internet use? That sounds really controlling.

When you were 1? Also, it's far better for a child or even baby to watch TV by themselves than to be in the presence of a parent staring at a screen for hours.

I remember in the good old days when my pervy doctor would smoke in the consultation room and my 3 siblings and I rode in the boot of my parent's car with a bottle of amyl nitrate and a sharp kitchen knife

I'd cut him some slack, pick your battles............

I wonder how many two hour periods of the day and for what aspects of parenting the OP is accountable to her husband?

I think I can guess.

YouTube just plays the next video automatically.

You obviously know what he’s like as a parent the rest of the time, so the assumptions your making probably have some other basis. And if you have evidence that he hasn’t been paying attention then YANBU.

However, early starts are not easy for everyone and maybe he’s struggling with it but thinks he’s doing his best. Maybe he just sees them entertaining themselves so he is doing the same. Or maybe he is actually trying to be boring so they don’t see value in rising so early?

Just ask him and surely you’ll get the answer. You said you are happy to get up, maybe suggest taking turns instead?

Odd, talk about say as I do...
nowhere did I claim, as you're suggesting, that ipads were the root if all evil.
But crack on projecting....

no not when I was one but later on !!!
my parents were in bed aswell
if a parent is getting up at 5am every morning whole another stays in bed I am not going to criticise or judge.

I initially thought YWBU but you have added in that he only has them for these 2 hours a day so I change my mind. I was thinking it's actually ok as there is so much more time to be involved with them and 5am is hell but if that's the only time he sees his children it puts a different spin on things. There is something seriously off balance here, what is he doing the rest of the time? Even with a job that brings ling hours, he should be around them more than that?

Totally irrelevant to the thread and it’s probably my very sleep deprived brain but trying to read your post reminds me of when people type one word and then let their phone predictive text type the rest. 🫠🫠

34 long and detailed posts OP

rather partial to your phone yourself