Husband on phone the whole fucking time he’s with the children

[Hormonalorjustified]

I’m heavily pregnant and extremely hormonal so want to check I’m not overreacting…

DH has been getting up early with our small children throughout my pregnancy. Amazing - what a great dad. So helpful for me to have an extra 1-2 hours in bed. Right?

except that I’ve just learnt that day in, day out, he is, from 5am-7am, just watching YouTube videos on his phone. And they are short videos, 2-3 mins long (eg about football or tv shows or films). So it’s not something he has on in the background (which tbh I also wouldn’t find ideal as 1 and 3 year old need supervision and attention and it isn’t setting the best example/they aren’t allowed screen time in the morning). He has just been actively doomscrolling and watching stuff for hours on end. For months.

I am a SAHM and I have to say this just isn’t parenting for me. I found out he was doing this for a window at the beginning of my pregnancy, explained I didn’t think this was alright and if he didn’t feel up to getting up I would rather do it myself/not do this. He said he understood/agreed. So I trusted him
not to do it. And I find out he has all along!

I totally get some people have different bars for what they do/let their children do and I am not judging for that but AIBU to think I should be able to trust my husband to do what we fucking agreed with our children?! I feel like an idiot I would have rather been up at 5am myself. It explains a lot of things too - DS having a bump etc and him not knowing how it happened, or me sometimes waking up to hear DS communicating but not able to hear my husband responding for several minutes.

Can you imagine the outrage on MN if a man checked the phone of his SAH wife and mother to see if she was spending the day productively and engaging with the children fully.
OP report your husband to Social Services because he is getting up at 5 am to look after your children while you stay in bed. Then he is expected to go to work to provide financially for you and the children.
You are massively controlling. I feel sorry for your husband

😂
Well that's better than what we grew up with.

Perhaps the OP should start a campaign to order men to check the phones of SAHM to ensure their children get quality care at all times.

Rubbish . It’s a well known fact that today’s parents to young children do the most helicoptering ever.

Me too!

Yes they must be interacting with their dc at all times. No social media allowed .

The poor husband . I hope he has learnt to delete his history or maybe even lock his phone. If that's allowed of course, I very much doubt it. Wonder what time he's allowed to go to bed?

@Janiie
The op has made a rod for everyone's back playing and interacting at 5am. Good on the dh for ignoring them and hopefully discouraging 5am starts.

Please enlighten me - why do you and so many on this thread think that the opposite of playing and interacting is doom scrolling? Why do you need to use a smartphone to make mornings quiet and unappealing?

Sitting quietly with your kids but not playing is benefical to them. Add your smartphone use to the same scenario and it is harmful.

Also, you give 1 year olds far too much credit. As though 5am wake ups are some calculated and rational plot.

@Hownowbrownsheep they're comparable because screentime is screentime. OP has stated numerous times how sreentime is bad for children.
And yes, I'm actually scrolling on here right now as DS8 is on YouTube, granted later than usual but bank holiday has thrown us. My DP has no idea what's going on down here as he's having a lie in. Trusting me that whatever is happening downstairs is actually fine. Which it is.
And, in reference to your 'pop' remark..you are implying that I used that term to negate the consequences of screentime. Can you explain where in my post there is an implication of an issue?

Why bring another baby into this relationship. I just don't get it. Personally, I see nothing wrong with what he is doing. But you find it unacceptable. Don't know what to suggest here. If Iwas him I would tell you to get up yourself if you don't approve of what he is doing.

lol, no there are not. 😆

You think tens of generations ago people had time to get up at 5am and entertain their kids with a tuff tray 100+ years ago the toddler and baby would have been plonked in a play pen for hours, probably on their own for long periods, while everyone else in the home worked. The 3 year old would have been off to work himself in a couple of years.

Even today. I'm sure all those children working their tiny fingers to the bone making cheap fashion item after another in factories around the world would fucking LOVE the chance to be traumatised by a parent sitting on the sofa beside them watching YouTube.

I'm so glad my children have grown up so I can doomsday scroll in bed instead of meditate and do my 5 minute journal and sip my greens in peace.

'Why do you need to use a smartphone to make mornings quiet and unappealing?-

5am - 7am is not 'mornings', everyone should still be in bed. If however you have poor sleepers with poor routines you do whatever you need to get through it. TV, Internet, books, whatever.

Ignore the kids or better still don't let them out of their rooms at all until 6am at the earliest. Bring them into bed if needs be. To get up and interact is crazy.

It is wholesome and innocent.

screen time extremists are very bad parents.

Parents used to shove their children out of the door as soon as they could and expect other children to entertain them, whilst they got on with their chores

There is no I'd be doing anything before 6.30/7am to be honest. I'd be sat on my couch with a a coffee doomscrolling as well

This is an example of a fallacy called the fallacy of relative privation. The fallacy of relative privation rejects an argument by stating the existence of a more important problem. The existence of such a worse issue, the fallacy insists, thereby makes the initial argument irrelevant. This fallacy is also known as the appeal to worse problems or “not as bad as”.

Babysat my sisters kids for two nights there recently- to all you parents of early rise children you deserve to become saints. its horrendous. and yes I did lie on sofa from 5am dozing whole pepa pig was on and they coloured and played with lego. I also read all of the papers (and even worse answered 2 emails) during that time. shock horror. but my sisters kids had the best time layer on (normal time ) went to beach played in sand got ice cream cycled bikes up and down the street all that time I was engaged with them.
friends of ours here yesterday 4 kids under rhe age of 3 (simular to how you will be soon op) said to my husband after I feel for them the poor parents not a moment to themselves kids different age want different things like a conveyor belt. but they both seemed on the same page. I am sorry your coming off as a head honcho it's my way or high way. let it go. believe me you are going to have worse things to worry about if keep going way yoir going.

There's no way I'm being a cheerful parent at 5AM, no fucking way.

Ok I’m 100% with you on this. I’m not against screen time at all but there is a difference in watching a programme/film and this mindless YouTube short videos, which tbh even on kids YouTube are absolute rubbish and addictive. Their dad enjoys mindless scrolling of any sort of video and they say kids learn from their parents. I’m a book lover and our toddler also loves bringing me books to read to him.

God, don't tell the op that.

I was told I was often left in the pram in the garden unaccompanied! Thankfully I came through it unscathed. Mind if my df had been on his phone I'd have been scarred for life apparently.

Also, @MeinKraft, Kids are better off alone in a playpen than suffering the disorded attachment caused by psychological withdrawal and non-responsiveness of parental phone use.

By the way I was born on the 80s a d remember clearly waking early on a Saturday morning sitting on sofa eating cereal for hours watching Saturday morning telly -remember when that was a thing - patents would get up be cleaning etc then we get dressed and go off somewhere normally nanny's and sainsbury. we all grew up fine.

I grew up next door to a crunchy family - organic, vegetarian. No tv. You know the sort. Guess who planted themselves in front of the tv every chance the got. Waiting for that no signal to switch to cartoons at 6am.

Enjoy your 5am wake ups OP! @Hormonalorjustified