Another lunch ruined by other peoples’ children

[Bakeoffskateoff]

Am I being unreasonable to get really pissed off with other people being unable or unwillling to teach their children to sit quietly in cafes and restaurants. Went out for lunch today to our usual weekend cafe. Two lots of families with kids aged five to eight who were noisy, whiny, annoying, sat on tables, crying. I had to hurry my lunch down to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m sick of parents who think little Freddie is so cute for making loud tractor noises, causing other diners to turn around. No one else appreciates your child quite like you do.

If you can’t teach your child manners please don’t take them out where there are other people.

Can I just say. I prioritised eating at the table at home too.

But no one wants to hear that. They all want to sit in judgement on me for being a shitty parent with a child who can't behave.

Some of the adults/parents have drink taken, and are often more noisy than the kids, so discipline is gone out the window for the group.

Yes kids will be kids. But they need to gently but firmly be told NOT to scream or shout loudly when in places like cafes. That’s how they learn. But many people don’t seem to bother to do this and then just say “oh well it’s what kids do isn’t it”. Yes it is, when you never tell them how to behave otherwise 🙄

My child screamed due to their autism.

No amount of telling them made a difference.

Thanks.

When my children were small, we regularly used to take them to restaurants (not in UK). They behaved fine - sat still, talked quietly, good table manners etc., etc. Why? How come? Because we brought them up like that.

Now their children - our grandchildren - are small. Sometimes we take them to eat out in cafés or restaurants, have done since they were toddlers and we looked after them while parents worked. (Some in UK, some elsewhere we see more rarely.) These small children also know how to behave, table manners etc. Why? How come? Because their parents brought them up like that.

Those of you who found it too difficult to bring up children to behave properly in restaurants and (presumably) elsewhere, shame on you for the lazy good-for-nothing people you are.

No it's not easy bringing children up properly. It can be tricky; sometimes difficult. Needs effort. But if you didn't want to do it right you shouldn't have had children to start with.

Shame on you!

I agree that children shouldn’t be allowed to do as they please and scream and shout in cafes/restaurants but so many people are completely intolerant of small children. I’m just finishing maternity leave and the amount of eye rolling or huffing from (always other women!) when I dare to go into a cafe with my baby and have a coffee. Seems to be the general consensus that young children don’t have a right to be out and about with their families. My children behave, if they don’t then we leave, it’s simple.

And children, even those under 3 have the exact same right as anyone else to go on a plane to have a holiday with their parents. We are going away in a few weeks as we are sick of constantly going away in the uk and getting rained on, having to wrap up warm and spend a hell of a lot of money. Why shouldn’t we go abroad? Just in case, god forbid our baby cries? We will be doing everything we can to stop her so it’ll be much worse for us than you. But go ahead, give us evil stares and make us feel much worse about the situation.

I remember being locked in car while my parents finished their meal if I misbehaved. The good old days 😂

She must be living on the same planet I am because getting your children to behave is not some impossible task. FGS, so many people on here act as though children are daft, feral animals beyond the scope of training or controlling. You teach your children manners, you teach them that their behaviour affects others, you give them very, very clear expectations as to how you want them to behave and what the consequences will be if they don't. It's not rocket science.

And what if the child in question is ND?

I don’t have a problem with the scenario you’ve described, and I don’t think many people would. What is infuriating though is when the kids are being unruly or noisy and the parents completely ignore it, and don’t take them outside or indeed make any effort whatsoever to try to calm them down. There is no excuse for that at all. It’s pure entitlement.

Ages 5-8 sat on tables, crying and making tractor noises, really?! It sounds like the behaviour of toddlers and the only place I’ve ever encountered anything similar is in an under 5s soft play cafe and still no one was actually on top of the table. I think you were just unlucky.

*in ye olden days kids lived in fear of a good thrashing, which is rather disapproved of nowadays.

And those people on the thread saying they manage it with no issues, I bet you have girls!*

Parent of a boy who was never in fear of a thrashing.

The secret?

We entertained him and didn't expect him to entertain himself, which from my experience always seems to be the case of the ones who are being loud and obnoxious.

Adults usually sitting chatting amongst themselves, ignoring the children.

If I chose to go to a cafe at the weekend I would be very surprised if there were no "whining" children there. I often took my 3 young children to cafes because I knew there would be many more very annoying, noisy horrible little pests having lunch with their exhausted parents who wouldn't give a flying shite if my equally horrible little pests were watching Peppa Pig on my phone at full volume or pretending to be a tractor/sheep/car alarm etc. Thankfully I get a lot more time to myself now my children are a bit older so I don't have to eat in cafes anymore 😀

Mine's 26 with a voice like a foghorn. I could slap him sometimes 🤣

You tripped OP when you said you kept going back and it was the same every time.

What's that definition of madness again? Doing the same thing over again, but expecting a different result.

Stop banging your head against the wall. OR make a proper stance and see how the cafe owner feels, rather than wet your knickers on Mumsnet.

I can't stand unruly rude kids, nobody can. I just wouldn't go again.

Ahhh masochism 😉😉

Yes I said they should not scream and shout in my first paragraph

Jeez is this a real question? ‘What do you want parents to do?’ Umm let me think… parent your children maybe?

No one expects children to be perfect but they do expect that parents will be mindful and considerate of other people. It’s actually a good thing for society to role model this to the next generation. If you just weakly say ‘there’s nothing I can do about my children’s behaviour’ then that’s pretty piss poor.

@Vegetus one day if you are lucky, you will also be an "old fart"!!!

I've reared my kids. I don't want to listen to yours. That neither makes me "boring" nor "old". My 3rd was a nightmare, but was not allowed to be noisy and disruptive towards other people.

Consideration for others is a mature attitude to have. Try it.

That's quite a toxic approach.

My post wasn’t aimed at you, I didn’t quote it in mine.

But. If your child genuinely screams continuously when out at a cafe then do you really think it’s fair to take them there? Should everyone else have to listen to screaming the whole time? One of my kids is autistic but she has different things that she struggles with, she mainly has a lot of anxiety around routines and also friendships. She is able to sit quietly which obviously not all SEN children can do. However if she couldn’t then I just wouldn’t take her to cafes. I wouldn’t want to be constantly having to tell her to be quiet… That’s not ableist.

I have kids.

How come it's only the one with autism who couldn't behave in a restaurant?

What should I have done? Battered them into the middle of next week? Never taken them out?

You seem to have spectacularly missed the point. Our eldest (who is ND) actually sat perfectly, anywhere, virtually from birth. So we took him everywhere. Like your child. This is not what OP is talking about. She has no objection to children being there. Just those with crap parents.

DTwins did not sit perfectly. So we didn't ruin everyone else's paid experience for three years because we are entitled arses who have no respect for anyone else. DTwins are now 4, have appropriate table manners and regularly eat out with us. They cause no issue to anyone else there.

I was joking ... but ut seems that's what some people seem to want

I have three DCs now all teenagers. I’m not particularly strict parent but I expected them to behave themselves in restaurants and cafes. To this end I brought a lot of things with me - books, colouring, toys and games. If you want your kids to run riot go to soft play or a farm or a park. Places where adults are eating are not playgrounds. I actually don’t think that people are doing their kids any good by letting them behave badly without boundaries in these types of situation. Our jobs as parents are to raise children who can be well-rounded adults and adults are not allowed to run around restaurants shouting and eating dog’s toys and whatever else. Children need boundaries to feel safe.

Well I couldn't exactly always predict a melt down

And in order that the child learnt what was expected and to teach them we had to try.

I think a lot of people would love to be able to go to adult only places, but they rarely exist in the day time. It’s only really in the evening pubs and bars are child free zones.

I don’t have a problem with children being children and making a bit of noise. But we’ve been to so many places where kids are running around the place disturbing everyone else while their parents sit drinking paying no attention to them. And these aren’t family type pubs with playgrounds etc where you’d expect that. It’s rubbish and not fair on everyone else when lazy parents can’t be bothered to entertain or parent their children.