Another lunch ruined by other peoples’ children

[Bakeoffskateoff]

Am I being unreasonable to get really pissed off with other people being unable or unwillling to teach their children to sit quietly in cafes and restaurants. Went out for lunch today to our usual weekend cafe. Two lots of families with kids aged five to eight who were noisy, whiny, annoying, sat on tables, crying. I had to hurry my lunch down to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m sick of parents who think little Freddie is so cute for making loud tractor noises, causing other diners to turn around. No one else appreciates your child quite like you do.

If you can’t teach your child manners please don’t take them out where there are other people.

None of the pubs where I live are adult only, the two hotels both allow children in the dining room for Sunday lunch, and I think the only restaurant (punitively expensive!) does too.

Some of the pubs have more than one bar, one has a separate restaurant area, and it would be nice if just one of them restricted children to one area only, so that diners who wanted a peaceful meal could eat in the child-free area.

yes it is.

Ofcourse it matters, until you have a child you don’t realise how hard it is. I agree children shouldn’t be running riot, but come on, sit there quietly?! What planet is the OP on?

ND aside, it's really not that hard. I say this as the parent of a 16 year old who was more than capable of sitting at a table in a cafe without causing nuisance or disturbance to other people.

I went out for lunch today and at the table next to us there was a lad of about 8 or 9 sat quietly reading a book and another a little younger who was drawing whilst their mum chatted with other adults. They joined in the conversation a few times when they asked them a few things but otherwise just read / drew until their meal came. It struck me how surprised I was because the norm nowadays is very much let your kids be as loud and annoying as humanly possible. These kids were polite, cheerful and clearly content to do their quiet activities at the table. It was all very pleasant and everyone was able to enjoy their meal and conversation.

Be prepared for the parents of those kind of children to arrive shortly and declare a) you are miserable b) you should be the one to stay at home and c) "it's what children do"

It's not what children do. It's what some children are allowed to do, when their parents have zero respect for the environment they are in, or anyone else within it.

There's a reason DTwins didn't go to restaurants until they were 3. They were loud. Not rude, not shouty, but would sing. A lot. Which is endearing for me and nanny. Not for the people who have paid £50 a head to have a nice meal and sit next to us. It's not my entitlement to be there if it's at the detriment of other paying customers.

If I wanted a cup of tea in silence I'd stay indoors, or if I wanted to avoid children I'd go out for dinner late evening. Cafés I'd expect to be noisy at lunchtime. Especially in the Easter holidays.

How do you expect me to manage my neurodiverse child (well, they're an adult now) but they had difficulties with shouting out related to their neurodiversity. They also had difficulties with sitting still. I was a single parent. I did my best but sometimes they were noisy. I would have eaten as fast as possible and left as soon as possible.

I actually think that many parents do it on purpose.
They are after an argument so they let their DC run riot.
If anyone even looks over its " what are you fuckin looking at blah blah"
Grim
Poor children

So you are one of those parents that ruin a lunch for everyone else. Got it.

Yes you are unreasonable

I think you need to eat your breakfast at home if you have a problem with other people making noise in a cafe AND THAT INCLUDES YOUNG CHILDREN

The ableism on this thread is fucking depressing.

I remember a woman I used to work with years ago, she was like the Gestapo with her discipline. She claimed, when out at restaurants, to only have to give her two little girls the look and they would be stunned into silence. No one she worked with would answer her back, she was harsh. Nowadays, she would be under the radar of the ss ( social services). I know it's the opposite extreme and let's hope this type of cattle-prod-parenting no longer exists anymore

Absolutely agree. I've seen some appalling behaviour from adults. At least children have the excuse of being... well ... children.

Yes my kids would do it once and then I’d tell them that we don’t make that much noise in a tiny pub (literally 5 tables in the area we were sat in). And I’d tell the them to play properly or I’d take the dominoes off them.

I agree some parents let their children run riot in restaurants etc and make little effort to keep them quiet/stop them legging it across the room and that shouldn’t be allowed - but I also think some people have zero tolerance for small children and even the slightest peep or giggle is apparently outrageous and the parents are terrible shitbags for bringing them out. Of course people should be allowed to enjoy their lunch without a screaming child accompanying it, but also children should be allowed in public spaces and that means it’s not going to be silent. Like most things, there is balance needed from both sides.

I dont really think that a child sitting still but playing with a tractor whilst making tractor noises is misbehaving? Children will play and it's unrealistic to expect any child to sit completely still. If you dont like it go to your usual cafe on the weekdays

This hits the nail on the head.

I think as a society, we’ve all just become less considerate of others. I’ve had many more things ruined by adults behaviour - watching videos without headphones, having conversations on speaker phone (I’ll never understand that), general rudeness to staff and others around them.

Children are not adults there for they behave differently. I'm not saying they should scream and shout etc. But when they are little they get excited. So their voice may be a bit heigh pitched. They will make sounds because that's what kids do. Kids should be reasonable in restaurants. But by the same token they are not adults.

And let's not forget children with special needs. I know not every child has special needs but some do.

She said what she wants parents to do in the last sentence.

If you want a dining experience without children, why did you pick a cafe?

Hell is other people, and other people's kids 😂

It's Easter Sunday FGS, what do people expect. Go to a church instead for candlelight and peace.

I'm allergic to kids and their noise, but I know kids will be kids. I therefore avoid busy times and days/weekends. I can go any time, many have no choice so I leave them to it.

I take my daughter who is 3 out loads and have since she was a baby and she sits and eats and doesn't run around

I think the OP is being extremely unreasonable and should get in the bin

Totally agree. I have 2 young DC age 5 and 3 and they are capable of sitting still nicely in a restaurant or cafe. Part of the reason I suspect is that they eat their dinner at the table every evening usually with me and DH as well - we have made this a priority as a family. I understand not everyone can do this due to working hours/commutes etc but it means they see good table manners being modelled every single day. They also eat breakfast at the table and not in front of screens. I don’t tolerate any silly behaviour at the table and they are not allowed to stand on chairs, put their feet up at the table, kneel up, mess about etc. I don’t know anyone else from our friends who also have their kids eat this way (at the table for almost every meal, sat on their bottoms, with at least one adult).

This means that we’re already halfway there when taking them out as they already know how to sit at a table and eat nicely and chat. If they do start messing around when we’re out then they get one warning and told that if they can’t sit nicely then they’ll have to leave. 9/10 times that is enough to get them to behave. But I have followed through with the threat and taken a DC out of a cafe half way through a meal to stop them from ruining other peoples enjoyment. I also make sure that I explicitly state this to them “please sit nicely at the table, if you make lots of noise and keep trying to run around then you’ll stop other people from enjoying their lunches and that’s not fair”. Again I don’t really know anyone else who does this, every time we go out with friends they seem to let their kids mess about - stand on chairs, hide under tables, shouting loudly, keep getting up and down from chairs, listen to stuff on iPads way too loudly etc. I try not to say anything but it’s hard.

Maybe I’m immune because I have a chatterbox 6 year old, but I haven’t been anywhere recently I’ve felt my enjoyment was ruined by children behaving badly (or like children). Even overtly child friendly places. I’m not convinced it’s as big an issue as it’s sometimes made out to be on here. Last time we went out for lunch, DD coloured in and we played cards, the kids on a nearby table had headphones on and a little lad who was having trouble waiting was taken outside to run around on the grass. That’s the kind of thing we almost always see.

God this thread is depressing. I don't even have kids, but I can't remember the last time I was really bothered by children's behaviour in cafes and restaurants. And we go out a fair bit. Children shout, babies cry, children get bored and overexcited sometimes. So what? It doesn't usually last very long, and if it does then parents usually take them outside for a breather or whatever. Are children not allowed out unless they behave like mini adults? And adults don't always behave with much consideration do they (shouting, loud laughing, drunkenness, music played without headphones on trains etc). It's almost as if some people resent children even existing.