Another lunch ruined by other peoples’ children

[Bakeoffskateoff]

Am I being unreasonable to get really pissed off with other people being unable or unwillling to teach their children to sit quietly in cafes and restaurants. Went out for lunch today to our usual weekend cafe. Two lots of families with kids aged five to eight who were noisy, whiny, annoying, sat on tables, crying. I had to hurry my lunch down to get out of there as soon as possible. I’m sick of parents who think little Freddie is so cute for making loud tractor noises, causing other diners to turn around. No one else appreciates your child quite like you do.

If you can’t teach your child manners please don’t take them out where there are other people.

I do not agree with children being wild and running about where food is served (other than softplay) but a child making a few tractor noises, doesn't strike me as that unreasonable to be honest?

My young son talks loudly , we do remind him to talk softly when we eat out, but he can be loud and sometimes makes weird noises. He isn't being naughty, he has sensory issues and glue ear, I genuinely don't think he realises how loud he talks sometimes. Teachers have mentioned how loudly he talks too, but he is a well behaved boy. He doesn't scream , but you sound like you would have judged us for some of the noises he makes, despite us keep reminding him to talk quietly.

I've had more meals ruined by drunk loud adults in nice restaurants than children in all honesty.

I agree op and I do have kids. They have been raised to understand when they need to calm it down to behave appropriately in restaurants/ cinema/ public transport etc

I work with children with disabilities who don't understand a 'keep volume down' so when we take them out for a meal it would be maybe after an activity (when they're naturally calmer) or they have their comfort toys with them (in some cases a tablet / earphones) and most of the time they remain settled.

I see lots of people following toddlers round restaurants thinking it's so cute but they don't realise what they are setting up for the future.

I think sometimes those who have been lucky to have placid children congratulate themselves on being wonderful parents.

Mine is ND and we generally don't eat out because it doesn't end well.

@Stressfordays agreed!

There was nothing to indicate that you were joking.

Yes I agree you have to try. So if they start having a meltdown (which mine has done sometimes, usually not at cafes but at other public places like libraries) then it’s time to go home. It often means they’re overwhelmed or otherwise not enjoying the environment for whatever reason anyway, so it’s in everyone’s best interests for us to move elsewhere. So there’s surely no scenario in which you’re sitting in a cafe or restaurant just letting your kid scream - if they’re having a meltdown then you take them out. Which is fine.

And those people on the thread saying they manage it with no issues, I bet you have girls

Nope. One of each. And they are both similarly well behaved out in public. Both went through phases as toddlers when they weren’t so we didn’t eat out for those periods of times because we’re not selfish twats.

Oh well . I'm sorry

I couldn't give a shit if a child is making tractor noises in a cafe.

I like kids, it's nice to hear them being happy and playing.

But these threads always go the same thread, posts from perfect parents or older women who've forgotten what is was like to have young DCs or like to reminisce about child rearing methods "back in the day" and describing other people's children as feral brats, little darlings in sarcastic tone obvs and worse.

I was a perfect parent too until I had DD (autistic) and I was judged plenty when she refused to sit quietly, screamed her head off and had a meltdown at every opportunity.

I we ended up staying at home a lot because of the cat's bum faces. I'm not saying all naughty kids are autistic by the way but even the nicest DCs have their moments.

So I live and let live. I assume most parents are trying their best and don't need my judgment, criticism, tutting, smacked arse expression or pursed lips.

Is that not what I said?

However, the op is objecting to them making any kind of noise at all. My friend's son is non-verbal, and he shouts out - so by that logic, they should never eat out as a family?

Yawn

Someone once said there are 2 things you appreciate that other people don't. Your own farts and your own children.

I think that's the difference though @exerciseshmexercise, it's not always the child's behaviour but the parent's reaction to it.

If I was sat beside you and your child was shouting/having a meltdown and I could see you were trying to handle the situation you'd have my utmost sympathy. I'd probably even ask if there was anything I could do to help.

If you were sat there ignoring them just letting them crack on then I'd be royally miffed with you.

But I strongly suspect that you and your DC are not the type the OP and others are referring to......

I agree.
Try teaching them.

People always say Oh the shitty parents will be along soon to tell you you're unreasonable.

By far the more annoying posts are the perfect parent posts who's little angels never make a peep in a cafe because they sit at the table at home and don't have screens. As thought parents of those kids making tractor noises or messing with dominoes must be the absolute worst of the worst parents 😑

Also, you didn't mention it but I'm almost positive you don't have any children of your own? (Apologies if I'm wrong). If you're child free you would probably have a much better time if you had lunch at a pub instead of a cafe? You would have so many more great opportunities to judge people's parenting there 🤣

Totally agree. I remember feeling like this in coffee shops and restaurants in my child-free days and swore when I had kids I would never allow them to disturb others like this - and they never did (now teenagers).

I agree op. I have a boy and good behaviour when out was non-negotiable when he was that age.
Maybe adult only cafes should be a thing. They'd make a killing. So would dog free cafes come to think about it.

Well I hope you have strategies to stop her. Was on a flight recently and a baby up at the front of the plane literally screamed non-stop! It was torture.

Can I enlighten you as to why some people are intolerant? It's this - we've reared our families and managed to do it without inflicting torture on others!

When I got on the flight, I was surrounded by small children. Total nightmare usually. I braced myself. The little girl in the seat behind me kicked the back of my seat. That happens me all the time and I have a bad back. Oh my god, miracle of all miracles, her mother told her not to, and she didn't do it again!! There was a gran and grandad beside me, and a whole row of their grandchildren plus the kids' parents in the row in front. They entertained themselves quietly for the entire flight. I complimented their grandparents on how well they had behaved.

It was reassuring to see that some parents actually do teach their children how to behave in public!

Why can't she freely choose where she wants to go, in case there are feral children?

And before you ask, I have three children.

On planet cafe, where the rules and expectations are that you sit down and eat or drink, not in silence but with behaviour appropriate to that situation

Outside, in the park, or the swings or wherever different rules apply.

Thats what you're teaching and modelling of course. Arent you?

I think you're right that it's luck of the draw if you have a naturally placid child, or one that takes a lot more effort to placate. I have three, one ND. It's when the parent does nothing that's the issue.

I don't think anyone is outraged at a child exhibiting disruptive behaviour as long as they see the parent take measures to tackle it, as they rightly should. My ND eldest was a dream in eateries, but impossible on buses and trains. We persevered, as you say, you have to try, for a while then simply acknowledged public transport wasn't going to be a thing. It wasn't for years. He's fine now as a teenager, but still prefers the car if he has a choice. We essentially made the same choice as you, didn't do something because it wasn't fun for anyone there.

@Unwantedadvice lots of people who have kids are agreeing with the op so I don't really see your point in 'betting she is child free'.

I'm not perfect but would never let my kids misbehave in a restaurant. They are taught manners and to be respectful if they don't listen they get a warning. If it gets to over 3 warnings we pack up and go straight home. I've only ever had to do the whole go home thing once!