Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws not bringing anything for Easter

105 replies

Lolajoe · 31/03/2024 19:27

I hosted an easter lunch which included my side of the family (mother, sister, grandma and cousins) and my in-laws (they don’t have any other family in this country). When my in-laws turned up my husband brought in 2 dairy free easter eggs that they’d given him (my husband and daughter are allergic to dairy). There was nothing for me. No egg, no flowers, not even a bottle of anything for me as the host who was cooking lunch for everyone.

My family bought flowers, wine and a non-Alc bottle and chocolates for me, my husband and our daughter.

Does anyone think this is strange? I can’t help, but feel like it’s rude, but my husband doesn’t bat an eyelid, which then makes me think I’m being totally unreasonable and making a big deal out of nothing.

OP posts:
Presentbutnostalgic · 31/03/2024 19:30

Yes that's really mean and odd. Not even going to try to make excuses.

BananaSpanner · 31/03/2024 19:31

Rude. Eat your husbands egg.

Although, I should add that I wouldn’t expect an egg as an adult, but some flowers or wine for hosting would have been nice. However given that they bought your husband an egg, it was mean to not include you- unless it was for you both?

DGPP · 31/03/2024 19:32

It’s rude but I’d just find it odd and get over it. You had other gifts

SausageRoll2020 · 31/03/2024 19:33

Maybe the egg for your husband was actually for you both to share?

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 31/03/2024 19:33

It's probably because dairy free is expensive and you can get chocolate anywhere

haveyoutriedturningitoffandonagain · 31/03/2024 19:34

Or they hate you

mikado1 · 31/03/2024 19:34

It wouldn't bother me unless there's a back story and it feels pointed. If I invited someone to my home it's because I want them there and I genuinely couldn't give a hoot if they come empty handed. Really and truly. I think it's lovely to bring something but no need, even though I know it's a custom and I will bring something but hope I'm forgiven if I ever forget!

If no back story I imagine ILs provided the non-dairy stuff as it's less likely to be as available as the regular stuff. Hope you had a lovely day.

DrJoanAllenby · 31/03/2024 19:36

A token gift for you would have cost little but would have been appreciated.

Even a hand written Hapoy Easter card to thank you for hosting.

I would have embarrassed them and asked where is my egg?! Not that I would want an egg but just go see what they said!

Bax765 · 31/03/2024 19:40

I wouldn't expect a gift from guests at Easter. However, it is a bit odd to get something for everyone except one family member.

If they don't habitually exclude you, I probably wouldn't think too much of it though!

newwidowtobe · 31/03/2024 19:43

No . Rude ... I would never go to an event hosted by someone empty handed ..

This is not etiquette.. just plain manners.

newwidowtobe · 31/03/2024 19:44

Or a 'cultural thing' either .. just plain manners

BendingSpoons · 31/03/2024 19:45

It's rude to exclude you. I would have thought it was better if they had just got one for your child. Leaving just you out seems mean. Is there a chance they specifically got the dairy free ones as they thought your DH and DC might be missing out on other things?

Mnk711 · 31/03/2024 21:06

Very rude. Your DH should be having a word.

whoscoatsthatjacket2012 · 31/03/2024 23:31

That's extremely rude.

pizzaHeart · 31/03/2024 23:37

I would expect them to bring something but coming empty handed would be okeish. However brings gifts only for DD and DH was very rude. It’s like they forgot about you or didn’t count you as a part of the family. Bringing a gift just for DD would be absolutely normal.
Of course your DH doesn’t see a problem, he doesn’t want to see a problem because he doesn’t want to deal with it.

meganorks · 31/03/2024 23:39

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If I invite someone round I don't expect them to bring anything. And they did bring something anyway!

pootlin · 31/03/2024 23:41

YANBU. Please tell me you’re going to stop inviting them!

They see you as the skivvy.

GardenGrind · 31/03/2024 23:41

I'm so confused by gifts for hosts.
DH grew up in a very comfy house with his mum doing all the hosting, present buying etc.
He always feels that it's fine to turn up at his parents house with nothing, like he is 17. He also extends this attitude to other people, who apparently won't expect anything or even it's rude to expect gifts therefore none are needed.
Add in a dose of planet wrecking guilt and it's always a perplexed no - and the man is 50. He still likes gifts but basically only if his mum has bought them.

I range from taking responsibility for gifts if it's my invite and seething that I've been cast into a mum role, covering his arse for his family.

I'm tired of it all, it all takes up too much headspace and I'll never get DH to recognise that hosting at home costs a bomb and everyone should share.

pootlin · 31/03/2024 23:41

meganorks · 31/03/2024 23:39

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If I invite someone round I don't expect them to bring anything. And they did bring something anyway!

But they brought nothing for OP, who was the one who hosted them.

pootlin · 31/03/2024 23:43

GardenGrind · 31/03/2024 23:41

I'm so confused by gifts for hosts.
DH grew up in a very comfy house with his mum doing all the hosting, present buying etc.
He always feels that it's fine to turn up at his parents house with nothing, like he is 17. He also extends this attitude to other people, who apparently won't expect anything or even it's rude to expect gifts therefore none are needed.
Add in a dose of planet wrecking guilt and it's always a perplexed no - and the man is 50. He still likes gifts but basically only if his mum has bought them.

I range from taking responsibility for gifts if it's my invite and seething that I've been cast into a mum role, covering his arse for his family.

I'm tired of it all, it all takes up too much headspace and I'll never get DH to recognise that hosting at home costs a bomb and everyone should share.

I'm tired of it all, it all takes up too much headspace and I'll never get DH to recognise that hosting at home costs a bomb and everyone should share.

Are you being expected to host his family? I would stop! He wants them, he hosts them. Don’t lift a finger.

StormingNorman · 31/03/2024 23:45

I wouldn’t expect hostess gifts but I wouldn’t expect to be left out of the egg giving when DH and DC got one. That’s just rude on their part.

I hope you dished up and left MIL without a plate!

user1471517900 · 31/03/2024 23:46

Are you sure it wasn't an egg for your daughter and one between you and your husband? That would make most sense.

Rianxz · 31/03/2024 23:47

I have two sets of in-laws as my husband’s parents are divorced. One set brought my two kids and husband an Easter egg but not me 🤔 My mum buys for both of us, but wasn’t too fussed about that.

The other side turned up completely empty handed. My toddler has more than enough eggs but it was just the lack of thought or effort that had gone into it.

I ALWAYS take something when going to visit if someone is hosting, regardless of whether it’s Easter or not. Would agree it’s rude

MissSookieStackhouse · 31/03/2024 23:51

Why don’t you ask your husband to ask his parents why they left you out?

Librarybooker · 31/03/2024 23:56

I’d be upset if someone bought me an Easter egg - I’m 60 not 6 - but if hosting dinner/lunch I think wine or chocs or flowers for the hosts and an Easter egg for host’s kids (if 11 or under) would be appr.