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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In laws not bringing anything for Easter

105 replies

Lolajoe · 31/03/2024 19:27

I hosted an easter lunch which included my side of the family (mother, sister, grandma and cousins) and my in-laws (they don’t have any other family in this country). When my in-laws turned up my husband brought in 2 dairy free easter eggs that they’d given him (my husband and daughter are allergic to dairy). There was nothing for me. No egg, no flowers, not even a bottle of anything for me as the host who was cooking lunch for everyone.

My family bought flowers, wine and a non-Alc bottle and chocolates for me, my husband and our daughter.

Does anyone think this is strange? I can’t help, but feel like it’s rude, but my husband doesn’t bat an eyelid, which then makes me think I’m being totally unreasonable and making a big deal out of nothing.

OP posts:
Librarybooker · 31/03/2024 23:59

SausageRoll2020 · 31/03/2024 19:33

Maybe the egg for your husband was actually for you both to share?

Honestly, adults being given an Easter egg for hosting lunch/dinner? I’d be asking why not wine or chocs for host?

Ridley4 · 01/04/2024 00:04

It wouldn’t occur to me to expect gifts from family members coming to dinner. From friends yes but not from family

UncomfortablyBig882 · 01/04/2024 00:06

Some families are just cheap. My DP's family are like that. You go to their house and you're lucky to get offered a cup of tea. God forbid you get a biscuit. When we have them over? Nothing, not even a bottle of wine usually. We're having a baby. Any gifts? Nope. None. Not even a tiny £5 toy or something. So odd.

I've had to really educate DP early in our relationship that 1)we cannot go to someone's house for dinner empty handed and 2) we don't take the bottle of wine we brought back just because we didn't get to drink it as it's a gift for the host. He still gasps at how "generous" my friends and family always are for bringing a bottle of wine or something really normal.

Neverpostagain · 01/04/2024 00:15

Why the heck would DH not have said 'mum and dad brought these eggs -one for dd and one for us '? Will he not be sharing it with you?

Stuckinthemiddle7890 · 01/04/2024 00:16

meganorks · 31/03/2024 23:39

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. If I invite someone round I don't expect them to bring anything. And they did bring something anyway!

It's not about op being a host !! She's their daughter in law for flip sake. Get the woman a bloody chocolate too it's the kind thing to do!!! Who turns up with a gift for just their son and granddaughter, a nasty person cuts out her dil.. Who actually is hosting her for the day... bet the inlaws are OK with their dil feeding them all day thou aren't they!!

Wigtopia · 01/04/2024 00:27

Librarybooker · 31/03/2024 23:59

Honestly, adults being given an Easter egg for hosting lunch/dinner? I’d be asking why not wine or chocs for host?

Show quote history

Easter eggs are usually chocolate 🧐

MustBeGinOclock · 01/04/2024 04:40

I do think it rude to turn up empty handed if invited for lunch dinner bbq etc. A bunch of flowers or some wine or chocs shows appreciation.
This was very unkind of them today leaving 1 person out when taking gifts round.

WandaWonder · 01/04/2024 04:43

Immediate family we just ask people to bring something if we need too like call the inlaws and ask for them get some bread because we forgot or something they do the same for us

None of us on both sides brings something like flowers or anything special as well know each other we don't need to stand on ceremony

crockofshite · 01/04/2024 05:42

SausageRoll2020 · 31/03/2024 19:33

Maybe the egg for your husband was actually for you both to share?

Yeah maybe 😶 ..... Behave!

Who gets invited to any lunch or dinner and doesn't bring a token for the hostess doing all the work?

Pickled21 · 01/04/2024 05:54

They left you out which is rude. It's also rude not to bring anything as a guest. If they expected you to share an egg then they are miserly. Assuming you aren't dairy free they could have got you a cheaper egg from plenty if shops. Your issue is that your dh thinks their behaviour is normal.

GnomeDePlume · 01/04/2024 06:41

Not sure. My DM is very much of the 'host pays' mindset. This applies whether out for a meal or a meal at someone's home. It doesn't occur to her to bring a gift or offer to pay.

My parents weren't very sociable and just didn't learn 'social niceties'.

Newestname002 · 01/04/2024 07:04

@Lolajoe

What @Pickled21 said:

Your issue is that your dh thinks their behaviour is normal.

He could at least have said "I'll share this with [OP] later, who's really organised the day" or something similar. His not batting an eyelid is rather negligent towards you - what a shame he didn't take on board your own family's example of good manners. 🌹

AuntieMarys · 01/04/2024 07:08

Rude. Dh's siblings are like this...as a result we never invite them round. They have no awareness of social niceties.

Moneybum · 01/04/2024 07:10

pizzaHeart · 31/03/2024 23:37

I would expect them to bring something but coming empty handed would be okeish. However brings gifts only for DD and DH was very rude. It’s like they forgot about you or didn’t count you as a part of the family. Bringing a gift just for DD would be absolutely normal.
Of course your DH doesn’t see a problem, he doesn’t want to see a problem because he doesn’t want to deal with it.

This. Empty handed would be better than pointed gifts for direct blood relatives!

Hobbesmanc · 01/04/2024 07:10

You wouldn't get a couple an egg each? Surely it's to share. But not bringing a bottle is odd unless they don't drink?

Cathbrownlow · 01/04/2024 07:56

It's bloody rude and it would piss me off. Hopefully you don't have to have much to do with them.

Soontobe60 · 01/04/2024 08:02

AuntieMarys · 01/04/2024 07:08

Rude. Dh's siblings are like this...as a result we never invite them round. They have no awareness of social niceties.

So you only invite people round who buy you gifts? That’s just pathetic!

I invite people round because I want to spend time with them, I enjoy cooking for them and I certainly wouldn’t expect them to buy me a gift unless it was my birthday!!!

TorroFerney · 01/04/2024 08:12

GnomeDePlume · 01/04/2024 06:41

Not sure. My DM is very much of the 'host pays' mindset. This applies whether out for a meal or a meal at someone's home. It doesn't occur to her to bring a gift or offer to pay.

My parents weren't very sociable and just didn't learn 'social niceties'.

I think this is my mum as well (she’s odd in other ways). Never offers to pay when we go out for a meal in fact she never brings a bag so assume she can’t and, in the 14 years we’ve had her for Christmas Day with my dad and latterly on her own has never brought anything. Since 2019, she has paid for coffee twice.

TorroFerney · 01/04/2024 08:14

Soontobe60 · 01/04/2024 08:02

So you only invite people round who buy you gifts? That’s just pathetic!

I invite people round because I want to spend time with them, I enjoy cooking for them and I certainly wouldn’t expect them to buy me a gift unless it was my birthday!!!

Show quote history

But the type of person who doesn’t bring anything even a very small token will potentially be odd in other ways I find. And if it’s family they only get invited because they are family you aren’t friends.

GoodOldEmmaNess · 01/04/2024 08:17

Did they actually say that the non-dairy eggs were just for your husband and child, not for you? If not, I would assume they were meant for all of you, and the inlaws just didn't want to choose eggs that would make some of the family ill.

Agree with others that choc eggs aren't ideal as a present for adults, but perhaps you are wrong to think of yourself as excluded from the gift?

rookiemere · 01/04/2024 08:25

I think you're being a bit precious. They brought a present for your DD and an egg for your DH. I wouldn't expect my DPs to bring gifts if coming for a meal, they're family.

pootlin · 01/04/2024 08:29

rookiemere · 01/04/2024 08:25

I think you're being a bit precious. They brought a present for your DD and an egg for your DH. I wouldn't expect my DPs to bring gifts if coming for a meal, they're family.

Do you think it’s ok to exclude OP, who did the hosting?

rookiemere · 01/04/2024 08:32

Our family just isn't that precious about bringing gifts for meals with close families.
Would it have been better if they brought no eggs ?

exerciseshmexercise · 01/04/2024 08:33

I don't expect family to bring gifts when I host them.

They should have bought everyone an easter egg though, since they bought them. All or none.

LakieLady · 01/04/2024 08:34

TorroFerney · 01/04/2024 08:14

But the type of person who doesn’t bring anything even a very small token will potentially be odd in other ways I find. And if it’s family they only get invited because they are family you aren’t friends.

Show quote history

I've always thought it rude to turn up empty handed as a guest, but my late DP's family think it weird that I always bring something, even if it's just a bunch of flowers.

I was a bit 😮the first time his DSis and BIL came for a meal empty-handed, but I just accept it now.

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