In laws not bringing anything for Easter

[Lolajoe]

I hosted an easter lunch which included my side of the family (mother, sister, grandma and cousins) and my in-laws (they don’t have any other family in this country). When my in-laws turned up my husband brought in 2 dairy free easter eggs that they’d given him (my husband and daughter are allergic to dairy). There was nothing for me. No egg, no flowers, not even a bottle of anything for me as the host who was cooking lunch for everyone.

My family bought flowers, wine and a non-Alc bottle and chocolates for me, my husband and our daughter.

Does anyone think this is strange? I can’t help, but feel like it’s rude, but my husband doesn’t bat an eyelid, which then makes me think I’m being totally unreasonable and making a big deal out of nothing.

They didn't need to not bring her one either. Especially as they went to that trouble for their son and grandchild.

I wouldn’t expect people to bring stuff every time I host but Easter lunch does feel different, especially when you are cooking for so many. I would have thought flowers and a nice bottle of wine by way of thanks would be a minimum on this occasion.

A host should never expect that guests bring something.

It's very ill-mannered/grabby to only want to cook dinner for someone if you're going to recieve something in return. Don't host at all if you're going to sulk if your guests don't bring you wine/flowers. Go to a restaurant instead.

In your specific case, odd that they brought 2 eggs instead of 3 and I get you feeling ruffled.

If they’d brought nothing at all, or just an egg for your daughter because she’s a child, I wouldn’t think anything of it really. But to bring an egg for your daughter and your husband, but nothing for you, seems very rude to me. Unless the egg they gave to your husband was actually meant for both of you?

I’m sure most people don’t want to cook dinner only for the people who have the basic manners to bring flowers/wine whatever.
A guest bringing such items is showing their appreciation for their host, who will have spent a lot of time shopping, prepping, cooking and hosting.
I guess we’ve just been brought up differently.

You didn't speak up.

You should have.
To in laws hey that's not Fair, where is my egg? And laugh.

Maybe both eggs were for DCs? We wouldn't bring anything for Easter for adults in the family.

I never expect pressies to be given to me when hosting and am touched when given a gift and honestly couldn’t care less if not. With family and best friends who we see the most… have given up on feeling obliged to take gifts… we all see each other so often… Often help out with a pudding or a salad… When my Dad was alive we used to have an ancient bottle of wine that was ‘gifted’ each time we saw each other - didn’t like turning up empty handed but constant gift buying seemed mad! So the same bottle of wine went back and forth instead! I really couldn’t get upset over an Easter egg - lovely to have to family all together.

Only doing things with the expectation that you'll get something in return is a very poor show. If someone brings you something great, that's a bonus but very grabby to expect. I have never, nor would I, assume that I'm owed something by the guest because I chose to offer them dinner.
That's the same mentality that would only go out and buy the other person a Xmas gift once you know how much they're spending on you and you make sure not to spend a penny more. Sorry if it's not what you want to hear but it is ill-mannered.

I don’t think I said I expected my guests to bring something, I said I thought it was rude not to bring something. I also said I wouldn’t dream of turning up to someone’s house for dinner etc without something for the host to show my appreciation for the trouble they’ve gone to to host me. Of course I’m still going to feed my guests even if they arrive empty handed. DH and I have hosted family who have stayed with us for a few days who turned up empty handed, we still always take flowers and wine when they host us because that’s how I was brought up.
To clarify, as you seem a little confused, I don’t care what someone spends on me for xmas, I don’t care if I get a gift or not, I don’t give to receive, that’s a poor comparison.

Heehee at "confused". I was drawing a parallel, as you know.
As you admitted yourself above you think it's rude for them not to bring you something so you are placing that expectation on your guest. It's just not something I'd ever do. If I offer to have people over I accept I'm going to be laying out cash on ingredients and whatnot but that's my choice. I would not care in the slightest if people did or didnt bring gifts with them and I think it would make me grabby if I did. That's not the purpose of it to me. Anyway no point going round in circles so I'll leave it there.

And ouch is spectacularly missing the point here. Which is that the guests did turn up with gifts. Easter gifts. But excluded the OP as a recipient. OP may not, in ouch's ( and others' here) view have a right to expect a gift when hosting; but has every right to feel pissed off when guests turn up with gifts for everyone in her family but her.

But a box of chocolate is more like a grown up gift obviously

3 people in the house , 3 eggs it should have been . Or 3 of whatever . Or maybe one big box to share . Not 2 . That’s daft . As it seems ,they were specifically for daughter and husband. RUDE as fuck .

Rude. It would have been fine in my view to turn up with nothing to family, or to bring an egg for the granddaughter only. Very rude to pointedly exclude OP, especially without explanation.

My in laws don't even buy the children anything for Easter - never have 😳
They would bring wine though if coming for dinner

Easter egg chocolate tastes better than normal chocolates as well. I love Easter eggs. Probably wouldn't love dairy free ones though

You know your way is right though!

It’s chocolate!
I love an Easter egg and I’m very old.

SO’s mother gave me a Lindt Easter bunny (the ones wrapped in gold foil). It’s a dark chocolate one and very delicious!😋

Some people seem to rush to take offence at things.

My take on it is they spotted some dairy free eggs - Ooh DGD is dairy free we must get her one - then - oh and as DS is dairy free too, let's get him one. At least that's how I imagine my DPs would think it through.

Obviously it would have been nice if they had then thought of OP, but it seems a bit of a reach to call it a deliberate pointed choice.

I think it's fine to only bring a gift for the children for example but odd to bring an egg for your husband and child. If they made the effort to get the dairy free then they should have also got you one. I wouldn't worry too much if it was a one off though.

It is a deliberate pointed choice . Thoughtless .

It is different if your own parents include your partner and leave you out, compared to a couple including their own adult child and leaving out the child in law. You get to take bigger liberties with your own offspring!

Gifts for hosting. Fuck me we are seriously losing out then.

We host Christmas Day, Boxing Day, New Years Eve, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and Easter Sunday, including all food, nibbles, alcohol AND bloody transport and get sweet bugger all from anyone. Apart from Christmas presents (which we exchange, so I don’t think that counts)!