DS’s friend killed his hamster

[HamsterAccident]

To cut a long story short DS’s friend came round and held DS’s hamster, hamster nipped him (didn’t draw blood, but I’m sure it was a shock obviously), and friend flung hamster across the room, she landed on her back and died a little later.

DS is absolutely distraught and has vowed to cut friend out his life completely. They are year 6 age.

Any advice on how to manage this? I have reiterated that it was an accident but also I do blame myself as this friend is known to sometimes aggressively overreact with sibling so in hindsight I shouldn’t have let him hold her.

DS doesn’t have many friends so I feel really sad about the loss of this friendship, but I also see his point that even knowing it wasn’t intentional, it’s a hard thing to get over.

It's funny, and ridiculous, with the police stretched to their limit, to think they'd have the time to investigate the death of a hamster.

Yes, they investigate animal abuse, but it's almost always on a large scale. I don't think a single hamster would get much police attention.

What do you want to happen? An eleven year old to get a criminal record?

I couldn't get past it but equally it probably was an accident. My little hamster bit me once when I was feeding her. I snatched my hand away in shock and she went flying across her cage. She was fine, landed in her wheel looking a bit surprised. I didn't mean for her to be thrown like that it was just instinct to pull away and get her off me. I certainly never would have hurt her on purpose, she was my baby. I loved her to bits and she died a very elderly girl.

It’s really not about ‘requiring particular responses from people’, it’s about assessing people’s character based on their behaviour and making a decision as to whether that person aligns with your morals and standards. This is an essential life skill in my opinion. For example, I personally think people who hurt other living creatures (even accidentally) and don’t feel bad about it afterwards are wrong ‘uns. If you don’t, then that’s your business and that’s fine. it’s certainly not unreasonable to make a judgement on it, 11 or not!

I agree with this.

For all the people claiming the kid must have flung his hand out instinctively, after the hamster sank its teeth and hung on...

Could you go back and read OP's posts again.

Child had no wound at all, no puncture, no blood. Therefore the hamster did not sink teeth into the bone, and did not cling on.

The order of events seems to be:

Hamster pinches childs finger.
Child stands up. @HamsterAccident was he sat on the floor or a chair/sofa?
Child throws hamster.
Child swears angrily 'fucking thing bit me'.

That doesn't sound instinctive at all and I have been pinched and bitten by hamsters, mice and rats.

Instinctive is to pull your hand away, dropping the animal.
If they've clung on, they can end up swinging and then it may be instinctive to shake it off.

These things did not happen though, not in this case! This was NOT an accident, the child intentionally threw the hamster down in anger.

‘Oh no can we buy ds a new one…’ A hamster is not a toy. Not a bike.
Clearly the mum doesn’t get it either.

Wheres the apology, the hurt, the feeling mortified her dc killed an animal.

Was the kid told off by his mum. What was her reaction to her son after he threw a living thing across the room.
Hes 11yrs old, not a baby.
Frankly I’m amazed her dc is going to next weeks activity, mine would be grounded for caring more about himself than the animal.

@JMSA that means a lot, thank you.

The hamster died. He didn’t give a shit.

You can be as cool and edgy as you like, that’s not fucking normal.

@WiddlinDiddlin he was sat next to me on the sofa.

Absolutely @Lemonhead88 well said.

I wish I hadn’t read this thread, and before I go on, I was bitten by a gerbil quite fiercely when I was around the age of 11. This is horrendous behaviour by all involved. Animals should be treated with respect and understanding. This type of pet will bite, but to be killed for biting is totally wrong.

It’s not cool and edgy to lack empathy.
Its a simple lack of empathy.

@StopStartStop

I've had a few hamster bites. I have a scar from a rabbit bite too.

They hurt, I was shocked and it made me wary of the animals. What I didn't do was fling any of them across a room, and show no remorse for killing something, because I'm not a fucking psycho.

@AnnaKristie - are you the hamster thrower’s mum? 🙄

The fact the first thing he said in front of an adult was ‘the fucking thing bit me” would be enough for me not want him to be my child’s friend.

the fact he showed little remorse would be the final nail!

the child doesn’t care and the mums response to just think money solves it speaks volumes. Avoid and back up your son who is showing healthy boundaries!

I agree. I presume that poster is also missing something.

No, just no! I’ve been teaching this age group for years and have children of a similar age and a year 6 child is perfectly capable of coping with a hamster bite without reacting like this. This is not a normal reaction.

Your son has clearer boundaries than you and I’d let him enforce them. He knows this is not ok and he wants his voice to be heard.

Poor furry.

What a nasty little bastard. Standing up and throwing the hamster was not a "reaction" to pain. It was a punishment.

He meant to hurt the hamster.

What do you want to happen? An eleven year old to get a criminal record?

Probably best if a kid like that was kept on some sort of record with a weather eye on him to be honest.

I wouldn't give a flying fuck about losing the friendship, frankly.

If that had happened in our house I'd be the one making the decision to never see that child ever again.

Standing up, flinging the hamster, saying 'fucking thing bit me' and showing no concern whatsoever really really doesn't sound even slightly accidental OP. It sounds like he wanted to hurt the hamster back.

He sounds bloody horrible, especially as you've said he's nasty to his sibling too. I'd want my child nowhere near him.

Disgusting behaviour from an 11yr old! He clearly didn’t give a damn about the hamster, flinging his arm around like an imbecile and purposely (IMO) throwing it across the room. What a horrible boy! Why are you worried about being too hard on him? FGS, this isn’t normal.

As a comparison, we had pet gerbils at primary school. We were 9. We weren’t supposed to take them out at break time, but we did because they were sweet. However, one boy was really intruding on them and determined to pick them up when they’d had enough. He managed to get hold of one - which then bit him hard, drawing blood that dripped off his finger onto the floor. But this boy did not fling the gerbil across the room, he shoved his hand back into the cage, dropped it down and started crying because it had hurt.

Because that’s what a normal child would do. Your son’s friend was unnecessarily cruel. His reaction says it all. I wouldn’t be letting my son see him ever again and I’d think about informing the school too.

Dropping the hamster in shock is one thing and what you'd expect to happen in that situation... But to throw it! The poor thing. I feel sorry for your ds too :( I don't blame him for wanting to cut off the friendship.

Yes this is very worrying, having no guilt or empathy.

Little psycho.

Sorry op I’m with your child. Hurting children and animals is vile.

Did you see a bite? 🤔

Poor hamster, I wouldn’t want to hold one (sorry, I don’t hate them/wouldn’t hurt them but they’re just too tiny) … but if I did and it bit me, whatever it was, isn’t natural instinct to drop whatever it is? Not hurl it across the room.

I’m really sorry for your loss, awful for the poor creature.

So there’s been zero apology from the boy? Just an offer for a replacement from the mum?
OP you’re being way too soft. Yes forgiveness is good but so is supporting your DS with setting boundaries. He’s told you he wants nothing to do with this kid (and I do not blame him one bit for that). Back him up.