My sister ruins every event/occasion

[Radiatorsprings11]

There's either some argument between her and her partner, she causes an argument with another family member or like today on our family Easter hunt tradition she goes away and leaves her children at the last min and therefore the easter egg hunt is ruined.

I'm so angry. My DC is getting old and I prob have this year and maybe 1 more before he realises.

Christmas time she got so drunk she went off to another room at my parents and napped whilst her fiance drunk and played pool. So me and DM weren't left to look after all the children.

Went on holiday all together last year. Our parents left early because she started a fight with them. She started a fight with her fiance and it was majorly awkward for everyone.

Parents birthdays she argues for no reason. Why does she do this?

My SIL does similar but "goes for a lie down" becuse she doesnt feel well (shes not ill as far as we know and shes been doing it for 16 years) . Then MIL steps in because BIL is useless and me and DH are also expected to help. Its better now her DC are older but I still avoid any family gatherings involving them, which is a shame because BIL used to be fun

I’d stop inviting her to anything, and certainly would go on holiday with her. And if she or anyone else asked why, I’d tell them.

You can't change her. What you can change is your expectations.
Avoid putting yourself and your child in situations where she can ruin things for you.

I have a sister like this. I strongly suggest that you either rearrange your birthday dinner or uninvite her. People like that never change. All you can do is distance yourself and spend as little time in her company as possible.

The DGM need not worry about the DCs being kept away from her.
Sis sounds like the kind of person who will dump her DCs on people whenever she can, so I'm sure that would continue.

YANBU, except for the enabling.

Pick the children up/drop them back, if you enjoy spending time with them. Ignore the parents.

I'm sure that shes a real pain but im not sure how she ruined the eater egg hunt.

She had plans weeks ago so wasn't going to be there. One child also wasn't going to be there, if they were at someone else's. So one child was there.

If you were organising the egg hunt surely you had bought and hid the eggs and then the children all participated.

So how did she ruin yesterday?

"I'm so angry. My DC is getting old and I prob have this year and maybe 1 more before he realises."

Realises what?

leaves her children at the last min and therefore the easter egg hunt is ruined

For you at least surely this is the best scenario? You don't have to put up with her drama but her children still get to join in with the egg hunt.

I thought one of her children is there but the other is with another family member, but I’m confused as to why Easter egg hunt is ruined.

Stop having expectations of her and stop inviting her to family things that matter to you.

Is she desperately unhappy OP? Thats what it sounds like to me to be honest.

Yeah I would never leave my child to go to a rave but regardless I’d imagine you’re the favourite sister and you don’t even realise.

I wonder if alcohol is involved in all these incidents even if your sister isn’t actually drunk every time. It sounds as if your sister has an underlying problem.

“I don't think she's got a drink problem but can't be sure.”
She may be drinking more than you realise; even at events without alcohol, she could have been drinking beforehand.

I haven’t read the whole thread, just the first few and then your updates so apologies if this has already been said.

A drinking problem doesn’t necessarily mean addicted and always drinking - it can mean not being able to handle alcohol, or having more than they can handle when they do drink, or not being able to socialise without it. I took years to recognise this because I grew up with a full on alcoholic dad, so thought that that extreme was the only form of drinking problem. It wasn’t until I was older that I recognised that drinking problems come on a scale just like anything else.

I have a sister who can be like yours - not always, which is why we still socialise, but when she has too much to drink she is awful. She just cannot handle it, and finds it very very hard to regulate where the line is between a drink and too much. To support her, we openly talk about it and draw a line when we have events that we think might be an issue - we all agree that we will just have a drink to toast, or no alcohol at all. It is hard when the line is blurry but sometimes you just have to be honest - my sister sometimes still slips up, but we work hard to help her without judging and she is often keen to prove that she can do it.

And I don't really think it will be better if you won't invite her. She'll find other ways to disturb you. Like I mentioned in my previous post - these kind of people want to be the centre of attention and they'll do craziest things to achieve that.

MN Bingo. HOUSE✋someone has inevitably said narcissist. Sofa psychiatrist has spoken

This was the last event you invited her to, you decline all invitations to any event where her presence will be there. Even ones of your parents, hopefully they will understand.

Bring your birthday celebration forward, just have your immediate family there, then cancel the other one

She does it because you all let her and do what she wants.

You can't change your mum's choices but you can remove yourself from the situation and tbh that's what I'd do. Refuse to be part of enabling her by not being there to look after her kids for a start.