My sister ruins every event/occasion

[Radiatorsprings11]

There's either some argument between her and her partner, she causes an argument with another family member or like today on our family Easter hunt tradition she goes away and leaves her children at the last min and therefore the easter egg hunt is ruined.

I'm so angry. My DC is getting old and I prob have this year and maybe 1 more before he realises.

Christmas time she got so drunk she went off to another room at my parents and napped whilst her fiance drunk and played pool. So me and DM weren't left to look after all the children.

Went on holiday all together last year. Our parents left early because she started a fight with them. She started a fight with her fiance and it was majorly awkward for everyone.

Parents birthdays she argues for no reason. Why does she do this?

So me and DM weren't left to look after all the children.

Do you mean you were?

Stop inviting her to anything-just see your parents.

You need to stop doing joint things together now and minimise contact with her. For eg. meet in a park for a public Easter egg hunt for 2 hours tops & then go home.

Don't do joint family holidays or adapt it so you all stay in separate accommodation in different areas. Then you just meet in the middle for occasional dinner and trips. Better still don't go away together at all. You don't have to be joined at the hip for everything.

I think maybe you need to speak to your parents and agree with them that she won't be invited to big family gatherings. They can see her separately. She isn't going to stop them seeing her kids FFS - she clearly ditches them whenever she feels like it to do what she wants, so she needs them!

Personally I think I would cancel my birthday meal and rearrange a smaller event that she isn't invited to. She is definitely going to ruin it!

Any form of suggestion or criticism is met with an argument and threats of not seeing her children. Our mum will do anything for her because of grandchildren

I'm sure after a few weeks of not letting your DM see the GC your DSis will soon realise there's no one else to look after them when she needs to go off and do her own thing, so she'll be back banging on the door soon enough.

This - just stop including her in things. If you parents protest, don’t include them either.

Your kids should be your priority and being exposed, continually, to drunken, poorly behaved relatives is really not essential.

Why have you invited her?

My MIL - every bloody occasion, birthday, etc.
Even if we wouldn't invite her - she would do drama in different way - call herself an ambulance on someone's birthday then attack every single person in the family to help her in the A&E, etc. EVERY FU*KING SINGLE TIME. I spent more than 10 years with my ex husband and honestly I can't remember any celebration without her drama.
It sucks, especially when you have kids, I understand you very well... It's impossible to plan anything as all your plans will be ruined by stupid actions.
No advice, just a handhold...

Un-invite her from your birthday meal.

I have a birthday meal next week and I just feel she's going to ruin it somehow

Why is she coming to this birthday meal?

Will it be family only?

Can you cancel it? Have something for yourself?

Just start doing things with your own family in future? Or don’t invite her but ask your parents. I do plenty with my parents but siblings don’t always come as they have their own lives. Today do as pp said, if you can get some chocolate for your DN at least you can just get on with your day?

You can’t control her behaviour but you can control how you react to it and whether or not you consistently let it spoil family events for you.

Damned right!

@Radiatorsprings11 own your blame in this. You’re enabling it and giving her a vehicle to fuck everything up.

you then get hurt, pouty and upset, do nothing about it, she causes drama, gets attention and gets away with it and nobody does anything. And the circle continues

Shes selfish and needs to be the centre of attention. Uninvite her and dont give her the oxygen. If she has no selfawareness and asks why she wasnt invited - TELL HER WHY!

Narc types ruin special occasions because they aren't the centre of attention, and it makes them miserable and out of control when others are happy.

Also correct. Call her bluff. She’ll cave and come crawling back.

stop allowing her to terrorise you all like this @Radiatorsprings11

@Radiatorsprings11

Similar for as long as I can remember for me

I disengaged with as many things as I could a long time ago

We don't do big family meals out now,I just stopped the tradition saying it's too much to organise everyone's time etc

We also don't do big get togethers at grandparents house either anymore as all the kids are getting older so it is easier.

Your parents have like mine enabled her behaviour for her whole life hence why to her it's normal.
Your also enabling it and the stress has a knock on effect to you so step back and you will notice the difference

Stop inviting her to stuff.

Step away. You and your parents are doing yourselves no favours by putting up with this year on year. No more big family meet ups no more babysitting the adult.
Just walk away. See your parents on your own terms and don't pre plan. She will never change.

What was supposed to be the plan then? Cant you split out some other Easter eggs for the child that’s with you? Weren’t you expecting them to be there?

Can the other family member with her other child come to you, what were they supposed to be doing?

She's brought them easter stuff but didn't bring it what does this mean? How can she bring it and not bring it?

I have a birthday meal next week and I just feel she's going to ruin it somehow

This is your chance to make it clear and tell her that if she ruins this meal it'll be the last time she ever gets an invite from you to any future events.

So the choice is hers and her actions will be the deciding factor.

If your DM moans at you remind her of the holiday, she's well aware of your DSis behaviour so your reasons won't come as any surprise to her.

You have the a child there - presumably surviving without its sibling
You have multiple eggs for the "hunt"
why could you not have given the child one or more of the eggs

or all of them and not bothered with the tedious easter egg hunt?

Yes, exactly. OP, you are contributing to this dynamic. If, as you say on here, it upsets you, then you have it in your power to stop enabling it by not inviting her to things.

Any thoughts on the unanimous replies @Radiatorsprings11 ?
Why do you keep choosing over and over to attend events with an arsehole?

Uninvite her from your birthday meal.

Possibly the Midland dialect where they say “brought” instead of “bought”?