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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have asked him to choose a different sandwich

684 replies

Medsy · 30/03/2024 13:04

Don't know if it's because it's Easter or what but my local co-ops sandwich section was totally barren, only meat sandwiches left (I'm vegetarian). I saw a man go for the last cheese one there was, so I asked him if he was vegetarian and if not, would he mind if I had it? A woman (wife?) appeared and went batshit at me and called me rude.
It made me quite pissed off actually. I wouldn't have a problem with say a gluten free person asking me if they could have the last gluten free sandwich.
WIBU?

OP posts:
kitsuneghost · 30/03/2024 13:50

You can ask but you would come across a bit batshit.

TidyDancer · 30/03/2024 13:50

I don't think this is anywhere near as bad as some people are making out here, but I wouldn't have asked. In a co-op I would've gone and got a pastry something or other and some crisp and fruit etc.

SmileyClare · 30/03/2024 13:50

Mrbumpssmile · 30/03/2024 13:48

In terms of vegetarian ethics, it's arguably most ethical to let the meateater take the vegetarian sandwich and buy yourself some fruit, because that way you're keeping meat sandwich sales down...though I doubt it'll make much impact on such a small scale. 😆

👍😂

Mrbumpssmile · 30/03/2024 13:50

HoldingTheDoor · 30/03/2024 13:46

I suppose you were highlighting his lack of awareness/sensitivity by asking, when he could have thought of it himself.

What? How the hell is he supposed to have known that OP is vegetarian?

There are a lot of vegetarians and other people who can't eat meat for various reasons, so it's kind of obvious the vegetarian ones will be more in demand. At least, where I live that's the case, I suppose it varies.

totallybonkerswarning · 30/03/2024 13:51

NuffSaidSam · 30/03/2024 13:09

I think it was ok (perhaps a little strange) to ask.

It would have been absolutely fine for him to say no. The woman who went mad on his behalf was being unreasonable though.

If someone asked me I wouldn't mind.

If I want to eat the sandwich I'd politely refuse, else I'd say sure.

Hoppinggreen · 30/03/2024 13:51

Medsy · 30/03/2024 13:21

I'm hardly going to jump in a train with a loaf of bread am I?!

Show quote history

You could, the fact that you dont is a preference

Tutifruitu · 30/03/2024 13:51

Why did you wish him luck, op?

NuffSaidSam · 30/03/2024 13:51

totallybonkerswarning · 30/03/2024 13:51

If someone asked me I wouldn't mind.

If I want to eat the sandwich I'd politely refuse, else I'd say sure.

Show quote history

I feel exactly the same.

HoldingTheDoor · 30/03/2024 13:53

There are a lot of vegetarians and other people who can't eat meat for various reasons, so it's kind of obvious the vegetarian ones will be more in demand. At least, where I live that's the case, I suppose it varies.

A cheese sandwich is a perfectly normal food for omnivores too. Are people who eat meat supposed to only stick with ham or chicken at all times? Bonkers.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 30/03/2024 13:53

Given the condescension in OPs posts I'm doubtful she asked in a polite, non judgemental non entitled way. Him being a vegetarian is neither here nor there and asking that makes it about more then just swapping a sandwich. Maybe his wife kicked off because he never stands up for himself and she knew he'd been moaning or feeling guilty after about it. Maybe OP was very polite and the wife flys off at anything. All we know is what OP tells us and what she shows of herself and she's made it clear what she thinks of omnivores. I wouldn't be able to eat any of the meat choices, food sensory issue's, literally can't chew or swallow lots of foods. I would never think trumps someone's prefence or pilosophy, first come first serve, if I didn't get there in time Id grab something else. Its pretty simple really.

underthemilky · 30/03/2024 13:56

Lou670 · 30/03/2024 13:14

I would have had a go at you too. It is not acceptable to ask a fellow shopper what is his diet. He may be a meat eater but fancied a non meat sandwich. Very rude of you.

Why would you have go though. It's fine to ask bits fine to say no. It's not fine to go off at people just because they annoyed you. Just stay calm. Everything didn't have to be a fight

CroccyWoccy · 30/03/2024 13:56

I’m not veggie but I have a very selective eater DC and in a situation where someone else had just picked up the last sandwich he would eat, I might ask if there were any other options they would be equally happy with. But would have been very apologetic about asking.

Normally I take packed lunches to avoid this though!

Everleigh13 · 30/03/2024 13:56

No, I wouldn’t have asked. He got there first. I would have found something else to eat or gone without.

totallybonkerswarning · 30/03/2024 13:58

SmileyClare · 30/03/2024 13:41

In the real world, people don’t go “batshit” in shops if you request something in a friendly polite way.
So either;

a)his wife was mentally unwell or

b)You rudely confronted the man with ARE YOU VEGETARIAN? in a pompous tone which annoyed his wife slightly and you exaggerated the “going batshit” part because you enjoy painting yourself as a victim.

Either way, work on your self awareness and move on now. 😉

Literally the person who replied under you said she'd behave in this bat shit manner even if she's a bystander

ColleenDonaghy · 30/03/2024 13:58

Medsy · 30/03/2024 13:13

Fair enough, it was only a question!

A really rude one though! Can't believe you actually asked Blush

I'm not veggie or vegan but often get a vegan wrap at work because premade sandwiches are awful but this particular one is ok. I might put it back for someone with a difficult dietary requirement (but usually those people are usually well prepared anyway) but not just for a preference.

DisforDarkChocolate · 30/03/2024 13:59

I would have had no problem with being asked @Medsy.

kitsuneghost · 30/03/2024 14:00

Medsy · 30/03/2024 13:16

Because you don't buy them because of preference, I don't buy them out of philosophy

Show quote history

You prefer a cheese sandwich for your reason
He prefers a cheese sandwich for his reasons
You are not talking of allergies so your reason is not any important than his (or viceversa)
Vegetarianism is a choice just like wanting a cheese sandwich was his choice.

chocolategg · 30/03/2024 14:00

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/03/2024 13:40

The big green V on the Co-op sandwiches is very helpful. As is the information that all Co-op branded cheese that do not carry a PDO requiring the use of animal rennet (eg, Parmesan) is vegetarian.

Show quote history

Thanks.i don't shop in coop. Probably for the best

chocolategg · 30/03/2024 14:01

Medsy · 30/03/2024 13:36

I asked really politely if there was any chance he would change his mind and he seemed to be hesitating when the woman came from behind me and said "excuse me? That is so rude!". I just ignored her and said thanks anyway and good luck to the guy.
If someone was gluten free or could only eat halal or kosher and asked me the way I did, I'd just think sure. Don't see the problem but clearly I'm in the minority.

How is that batshit?

chocolategg · 30/03/2024 14:02

I'm going to need OP to define "batshit"

twohotwaterbottles · 30/03/2024 14:03

Bloody hell OP. Give your head a shake. I'm cringing here🤦🏻‍♀️

Bbq1 · 30/03/2024 14:04

YAVVU. So rude and entitled. He wanted a cheese sandwich whatever his reasons and he got there first. Tough. It's not like there was no cheese or bread in the shop for you to buy. If I heard somebody peaking to my dh like that I would also be Wtf!!

PoundlandColumbo · 30/03/2024 14:10

He did you a favour. Co-op sandwiches are rank. I'd rather do without.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 30/03/2024 14:11

bakewellbride · 30/03/2024 13:08

I'm a vegan and I vote yabu.

Same!

WhamBamThankU · 30/03/2024 14:13

You're cray cray and I've been vegetarian 35 years.