I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Honestly Aldershot is not as bad as everyone thinks (I mean obviously don’t go to the “high street” though, why would you?) and Farnham has some lovely spots too. Both have excellent rail links to London, where there is plenty to do, and also to the surrounding areas, which offer lots of options in nature, since that seems to be your preference.

Aldershot has one of the UK’s smallest country parks which is actually lovely (Brickfields), in the local area there’s also Tice’s Meadow Nature Reserve, Caesar’s Camp, Farnham Park, Alice Holt (which has a play trail, bike hire, activity centre, and a Go Ape), The Sculpture Park in Churt, Frensham Great Pond for swimming, the River Wey in Guildford, the Surrey Hills Area of Outstanding National Beauty.

Almost all of those are free and can easily be done in half a day to get back for the school run… I’m guessing you just hate it here on principle though, due to previous visits and the company of your partner’s family 🤷‍♀️

I bet she hasn't offered to pay for petrol either.

Are you from the UK, OP? Do you not have any family or friends you want to catch up on?

Considering your preferred holiday, I don't get why you haven't booked a campervan here and agreed to meet up in Wales. Or, a few days to see your MIL and then do a camping road trip in France, Germany, the Alps etc.

we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.
Any destination is awful if you spend it like this. Why didn’t you make plans? Get out and do something!!

This. There are loads of gorgeous places and fun things to do in England you've just chosen not to do them. Id also say you chose an odd time of year to come, march often has awful weather.

English tap water is among the best in the world so f*ck knows why you are whinging about it.

Plenty to do with kids in the Surrey/Hampshire area! Difficult in winter but there are lots of kiddie activity farms, national trust cafes. The new forest 😍 London isn't far on the train for a day trip.
Maybe arrange a few nights away to explore further afield next time

Also OP- just get on the train to London! If you can’t walk to the nearest station and SIL can’t do a lift then get a local taxi. It’s like 45-50 minutes into central London from Aldershot or Farnham. Then loads to do! Most people live around there because of how easy the commute is. It’s not too expensive either, like £20 for an adult and under 5s free.

I live in that area, Aldershot is a shit hole.

However, we are very lucky in transport links, there are 3 theme parks, London is an hour away, you can get a railway card and it is cheaper.

Portsmouth, Southampton and places in between all via train. The number 1 bus takes you all over surrey and hampshire, get a family bus ticket.

You have basingstoke canal, which given the weather might not be brilliant,

There is a ton on at the moment due to Easter.

Failing all of that, there are the arcades in Farnborough and Camberley

ANY holiday where you are stuck in cramped accommodation with family (who probably don't want you there for more than a few days), with no car and the horrid weather we have had recently is going to be a challenge. If you come again put your foot down and come for a week or only come every second year so you can afford to rent a cottage or have a car while here. Is your MIL really frightened to fly or just doesn't fancy it, if the latter could you spend some of this $4k on paying for her to fly to you instead?

Having been to the US recently I can't believe you are finding the UK expensive. The US is eye wateringly expensive at the mo. It kinda feels like you are determined to be miserable and moan about a trip you don't want to make. When we visit family in the USA we tend to break it up with a trip somewhere touristy. That helps ensure we get some family time and also we get a chance to visit somewhere new.

Next time visit in June before the schools break up. Spend a few days with MIL then hire a car and book a cottage in Wales or Devon or Dorset. Maybe visit every other year so you can save up for it.

So, I live in Farnham - loads to do - Alice Holt for country walk and Go Ape is ace if you have kids; Bourne Woods for more walks (and the occasional Marvel film crew); masses of stunning National Trust Properties with beautiful gardens; Guildford with it’s contemporary cathedral; Winchester just 35 mins down the A31 with a medieval cathedral and some great historic sites all within walking distance (there are treasure hunt/walking tours in line you can download); great restaurants in Farnham, Guildford and Winchester (The Ivy and the new Luxe); ice rink in Guildford, Water parks, Alton Park for theme park attractions

oh, and London is a train ride away.

You only needed to google to find masses to do. It’s one of the most desireable places to live for a reason - and above are just some of them.

Otherwise, I’m sorry my home town is such a shithole and the national policy on tap water offends you (you could do your bit to decimate the planet by buying bottled of course).

The issue is you. Please take yourself home a few days early.

Can't DH bring the kids by himself, and you come back every 2-3 years?

I grew up in the UK but my family were in Australia - mum would visit with me once a year or so, but my dad always stayed at home. Partly due to cost but also because it's unrealistic to expect someone to use up so much annual leave to visit someone else's family.

Missing the point, but you go shooting at your log cabin with two children under 5?
My friends who live overseas, including some in the US, have a packed schedule when they come over to visit parents or in laws, and spend their time travelling round the country catching up with friends. Don't you and your husband have any other friends or relations you want to see?

So do that. If MIL really wants to see her son and grandchildren, the onus is on her to brave the flight. She currently has no incentive because you all pander to her.

Do you have family? Isn’t this the price of moving away from family?

As I am English I did find your post a tad rude. You have made your move to the states and now it is so so much better than the U.K for you, you are then Critical of everything British.
there is lots to do in the UK but it sounds like you resent coming here for family and that is your biggest issue. You will never enjoy it when you really don’t want to be here.
I have lived in lots of countries over the years and yes it was great but I have never once felt the need to be so negative about my own country.
get out in the fresh air and enjoy your time with family. Family are very important and that is said by someone who spent the majority of time in care.

@TotalAbsenceOfImperialRaiment why is it down to the MiL when it is OP and son have moved miles away

No, you don’t have to. This is the problem, you’re feeling that you have to go along with what everyone else wants. Go over every 2 years not every year. Go for less than 2 weeks. MIL can get help with her fear of flying if she wants to visit you every alternate year. If she won’t, she can’t be that desperate to see your kids.

You are 1 hour from the south coast. Hire a car and go to West Wittering or something OP JFC, I have never read such a self defeating post.

I thought the same!

I don’t understand why you aren’t doing days out. Aldershot isn’t great but there’s lots of lovely places to visit not far away in that area.

Anyone can move wherever they want. Nobody is obliged to visit anyone. OP comes over to visit MIL every single year. MIL chooses not to visit her son and grandchildren but could if she wanted to.

You need better planning! Next time rent a cottage in somewhere like north Wales so MIL can meet you there and you can do all the outdoors stuff you enjoy.

In the meantime please don't criticise your SIL. The poor woman has put up with you and ferried you all around for 3 weeks! Her house is probably in the state it's in because she's got another family living on top of her.

It's probably going to take SIL 3 weeks to get over your visit. Not sure why you came for 3 weeks anyway?! 2 would have been more than plenty,

@SkyBloo
"This. There are loads of gorgeous places and fun things to do in England you've just chosen not to do them. Id also say you chose an odd time of year to come, march often has awful weather.
English tap water is among the best in the world so f*ck knows why you are whinging about it."
I so agree with your post.
Where ever you are in the UK, there are lots of fun things to do. It just takes a bit of preparation and planning. Rail tickets best bought 12 weeks in advance to take advantage of cheap offers.
The water is one of the things my DDIL likes best (comes from a different country, where they have to buy a carboy of drinking water everyday).
I would also plan to come in the summer when the weather is better.
Next time, hire a cottage in the countryside/Wales/Scotland for everyone together, of have just a few days with family, and a week elsewhere for yourselves.

It's a nice day today. What about a walk around Caesars Camp? Tomorrow Newbury has it's market on, even though it's Easter Sunday. New Forest?
LOADS to see and do around here.