I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

@peakygold Don’t be silly. Tried the tap water in every part of the country have you?

Drinking tap water is not mandatory, there are other choices

I quite like the tap water where I live. My mum's on the other hand was awful

Birmingham tap water comes from Wales and is, famously, glorious.

If you kill animals for entertainment, I'm glad you had a crap holiday.

This visit is not just about you but your personality is such at your present maturity level that you have made it all about you. It is also about your children getting to know their relatives and your husband getting to visit with his. As family, one of our roles in life is to foster family instead of being a snob about cramped homes and whatever else you feel entitled to whine about. If you are not sociopathic, you will do better in the future to enjoy this as an adventure that helps build family connections, including ones you could care less about. If you are sociopathic you will insist on manipulating everyone to get your way through whining, complaining, exaggerating, etc. , driving your husband nuts and basically emotionally torturing everyone around you, including your children.

We have such a person in our extended family and they tell huge lies to manipulate the husband into doing her bidding. She has basically destroyed all his previous friendships by lying about those friends behaviors. If she doesn't like a relative she will gossip and lie to the extent that she tells stories about what they say about others. She has been called out a few times and is more cautious and sneaky about it but we are all on high alert. Her young children are confused by her sociopathy and we are heartbroken she is being raised by someone who will stop at nothing to get her way. She is a high functioning, high income earning sociopath you self medicates with alcohol when she doesn't get her way and can't stand the anxiety that provokes. It is sad but harmful behavior. Don't be that kind of mom, wife, DIL, etc. on any level. If you find you can't stay away from or mature out of your desire to control and have it your way, get some help to help you cope in healthy ways with the anger and anxiety not being able to control the world brings to you.

Also, is there a rule saying you and hubs can't take off for four nights and go visit somewhere you are interested in seeing while you are there? The train system in that area is fantastic. If anyone balks just reply with " we want you all to enjoy time with your grandchildren and we decided we'd do this new tradition every visit. We spend a lot of time and money to build this family connection because we love our family and hope you appreciate our efforts while also understanding we'd love to take advantage of this opportunity to see more of your beautiful region. Stop committing whining based on all or nothing- life is rarely that simple. Find some affordable place to visit while there and if anyone complains that's on them. Best Wishes.

Mine doesn't, where on earth do you live for it to taste like bleach?

So you are in Hampshire. Stonehenge is in the next county (Wiltshire) and drivable. So is Winchester, the New Forest, myriads of lovely country houses, pretty villages, castles, several National Trust properties etc. You could visit some during your last few days. I used to live in Basingstoke and visited all those places whilst I was there. Southampton is a bit of a trek but has a museum for Super Marine, where the spitfire and also flying boats were built - they can all be seen, and Southampton itself has museums, historic houses etc. and shops. I am so sorry you miss your dogs, but there is countryside and wildlife all around you, some of the loveliest countryside in the world, too, and a thousand+ years of history. Is there some reason that you are just staying with MIL and SIL all the time? If not, then next time you come over plan your visit, sort out where you want to go etc., and do it. Take MIL with you, naturally, since you have come to see her.

I can beat this. We are the other way around, we have to go stateside where DH is from to visit MIL. We have to do everything to suit her from visiting relatives in nursing homes, to going to neighbours back gardens to get bitten alive while eating smores . She also insists on bringing her sister to a lot of our outings and the two of them have a go at me about everything from what I wear to what I do for a living. DH said he never used to have this scenario of the aunt being dragged everywhere, lucky me my MIL saved it all for me. When we used to stay with her, she allowed her cats to sleep on our bed knowing I have allergies and she would just walk into the room as if it was hers - by the way his door didn't close properly. For a family event I casually let slip DH cousin wanted us to bring over a bottle of wine to which she put her foot down and said Oh no you're coming in the car with me , no drinking - as if we were bold kids. She also wanted me to go for dinner in this cousin's house with three indoor cats. Every time we go back she has new stragglers or tag alongs that we have no idea who they are - she even tried to get us to go to her gardener's wife birthday. It is so frustrating as it is your holiday time - but they insist on you sitting around like morons. My DH is now so fed up of her antics that he said we are only going to go back for a few days next time since she can't value the time we are visiting with her. I agree with other posters. Have an itinerary. Be firm. Have places you want to take the kids. Maybe even meet up with old friends there and allow MIL to babysit .

They used to live in the UK and have emigrated, so can drive a manual since it's unlikely they took tests in automatics. I don't get the tap water tasting like bleach, none I have drunk in the UK (from which they emigrated, so they must know) has tasted of bleach. Besides, why drink tap water? They're in Hampshire, in which county it is possible to buy proper cider.

would it not be cheaper to fly your mil out to you and look after her at your home?

The mil won't fly, it says in the op.

Hire a car? Why are you letting SIL dictate your holiday?

OP has had her rant, considered how to avoid it in future and flown home by now. You're a little late to the thread.

like the Eurostar to Paris or Amsterdam or somewhere.

Don't go to Amsterdam. Was down-town yesterday, absolutely heaving with people and crowds, have to slalom in and out. Awful.

OP hasn't posted since March, this is all long finished.