I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Hire your own car? Book a couple of nights stays elsewhere? Get the train somewhere?

Should've rented a car, loads to do in driving distance. Or were you anticipating trips to have been arranged for you?

Stay in a b&b next time? Working sounds a good idea if it means you get your holiday back. Could you find something to do in the area or a little further a field? A day trip to London. You don't have to be with the in laws 24/7

Perhaps I should say that I do understand the awful, passive aggressive inertia that relatives who never do anything can exert on a trip (my parents house is fairly close to Farnham, and I used to have inlaws whose house had a beautiful view of the Brecon Beacons but who never went there), but you have to fight against it. "So, we thought we'd jump on the train to London tomorrow and go and see xyz, who's coming??" Just ignore the moaning and tutting.

You don't live in Detroit then , where the water is poisoned. Or in Oregon where it smells like hard boiled eggs. Can't you head to the coast or London for day trips?

Failing to prepare is preparing to fail and all that - next time, have an itinerary and be firm with mil.

I am have decided I am not coming next time, however my partner doesn't want to travel with 2 kids under 5 so I will probably end up having to.

There must be things to do in and around Aldershot, parks, museums and countryside. Have you googled for things to do? Walking up and down high streets is not what I would chose to do if I was on holiday in some random US town visiting relatives, I would be actively looking for interesting stuff locally. Have you hired a car? There is a lot of nice countryside not that far away.

Come with a plan next time.

Get the train to London and jump on the Eurostar. You'll be in Paris in under 3 hours

I mean, you could have rented a car. You arent helpless and fully reliant on people driving you around surely? there are no trains either? I'd be going to London if I was you for a day out

This comes down to bad planning unfortunately. You shouldn't rely on someone else for transport. If you can't drive, you should have made plans to get trains to other, nicer places.

Hire a car or go on the train? You sound so passive about this whole arrangement.

Should've rented a car, loads to do in driving distance. Or were you anticipating trips to have been arranged for you?

I wasn't expecting trips to be arranged, I was trying to minimize any additional cost. The UK seems ridiculously expensive.

They're his kids? So he'll have to lump it

Tell your MIL it's her turn next year. Tell her you will pay for her but she needs to see a doctor about her worry about flying. It's just crazy that you're having to spend your holidays like this.

Sounds like you are in a bit of a shit location with limited means of travel.

For this time round, can you stretch to a few Ubers (if public transport is rubbish) and head out by yourselves? Or hire a car? If you are living in the US, I'm assuming that it's unlikely that neither of you can drive. You can get automatic rental cars these days.

For next time, I think you need to be firm with MIL and insist that she meets you in a part of the UK that you would also like to spend time in (or even the continent if she can drive or take a train via the Channel).

Both Farnham and Aldershot have train stations, if I recall correctly. If the DC are under 5 they travel for free.

And I agree, OP, the UK is horribly expensive, which is especially frustrating when you are stuck in a crappy location with awful weather!

I agree. This is on you I'm afraid. If you keep going to places you dont like and not taking any initiative to travel independently then this will keep happening year on year on year. The very definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.

It's the school holidays now so presumably your SIL is free for the next 2 weeks.

Or jump on a train. It's lovely on the coast today.

You sound like a “yeah but” person. Every suggestion met with a “yeah but” I can’t do that for x reason and then moaning about it.

Take charge op - Uber? Public transport? Tell MIL to grow a pair?

Could you say to your MIL that if you come to the UK in future she can meet you elsewhere?

"If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc."
I think you need to toughen up, sorry. Offer to pay her fare to visit you instead. Yes, I know she's told you she's afraid of flying, but that doesn't mean she can demand your holidays revolve around her and demand you spend a fortune visiting her.

Or, is there somewhere you'd like to visit in the UK? London, Yorkshire, Cornwall, Scotland? Book your next holiday for there, and she joins you. You don't have to visit just her.

Renting a car wasn't an option due to price and nowhere to park. We had originally planned a overnight trip to York but hotel and train's came to $600 so we binned that idea

Yes I think that's it you probably need to be a little more proactive op

Get a bus somewhere. All bus journeys are £2 in England