I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Oh dear. When I read your preferred type of holiday I am not sure how you ever thought a holiday in Aldershot in the rain with no money would be fun.

Meet your MIL in Scotland next time and do all the things you enjoy there.

No it doesn’t. Not if you book in advance.

The weather has been particularly shit, to be fair!

Agree with pp train to London for a day.

I actually have a reoccurring nightmare like this. I arrive somewhere really wonderful but I haven't planned it properly and I'm stuck in one place or end up wondering around confused regretting not planning the trip effectively.

@LittleBearPad

I know, but the suggestion was to go jump on it, as OP HAS NOT booked in advance

T there are loads of nice places near Farnham. The Surrey Hills, Box Hill, Dorking are all reachable on the train. Get off at Dorking Deepdene and you can walk to any of them, there is a vineyard near there too.

You could get the train to Reading and from there it's not too long a journey to Bath.

The problem is she has 2 days left in the UK and she can write this holiday off as there's no way to save it but what is she going to do next year and the year after? This surely can't go on forever, there needs to be some compromise from the mil too jumping on a plane or meeting half way.

True.

Though what would OP do in Paris. She seems unable to do anything off her own bat.

Of course there’s a way to save it if they get off their butts and do something!

Next time get MIL to meet you somewhere train distance from her house. Don't use up 2/3 of your holiday in Aldershot 😱

You're a stones throw from the new forest, one of the most beautiful places in the UK. get a hire car and go explore the great outdoors.

There's no point trying to emulate a hunting, shooting backwoods type of holiday in the South East of England. Not to say that there aren't amazing landscapes- Salisbury Plain, the South Downs, but they reflect thousands of years of human activity. You might as well fully immerse yourself in the city experience and go to London. Or visit the kind of historical sites that you can't find in the US. Or go to the coast, if you don't live near the sea.

There is tonnes of stuff to do in the UK, outdoors, indoors, historical sites alone are incredible.

You need to plan your time better, book train tickets and get out there!

Just don’t touch the donkeys or ponies!

Yeah, for the future OP, sounds like you need to organise an itinerary for yourself and make the family visit bit a PART of it, rather than the focus. I personally would hate to have family come a stay for a solid block, dependent on me to entertain and drive everywhere! Just talk it over with everyone, in a what worked/what didn't work kind of way.

Right? I wonder how she feels about having to play host and driver to a miserable family who throws a disgruntled eye over her housekeeping and complains about the quality of the water? Poor woman, I bet she is counting the hours.

@Backwoods57 - you wrote "I have decided I am not coming next time, however my partner doesn't want to travel with 2 kids under 5 so I will probably end up having to." - Nope, nowhere in the marriage vows does it mandate that combined travel is a requirement. If he wants to visit his mother, he can. I grew up only seeing one of my grandparents regularly, two were already dead and the fourth lived a long time in the US and only returned to my country when she retired and was very very old. I really didn't have a connection with her. There is nothing to say that your kids have to have a riveting relationship with this woman. He can travel by himself or he can visit for the start and end of a European trip that you can all get to enjoy. I can't imagine that it's much fun for the kids either.

You don’t sound like you’ve helped yourself here.

Our family live in Spain so we visit annually. We absolutely would never go without renting our own car, it’s a nightmare when you’re dependent on someone else for transport.
i don’t know the area you’re in well, but surely there are things to do other than High Streets? Country parks etc? You can easily get the train to London from there too, and you can’t say there’s nothing to do in London!

This is annoying. Maybe next year you can do a quick visit and spend some time in Europe?

You aren't staying in the best location.
But the UK is tiny compared to the USA, so hire a car next time and do trips.
London is a world class city, the rest of Europe is very close.
Airfare around Europe is often a lot cheaper than USA.
Visiting family does require a lot of planning and is never going to be cheap but it could be better than your current experience.
We are expats in the USA so have done this.

You can't be fully reliant on someone else ferrying you around and then bitch about it.

13 days sat in MILs house doing nothing is taking the piss. I’d be speaking to my OH about the unrealistic expectation to do this every year.

Next year can you do a few days at MILs and then head off to somewhere in Europe yourselves? Can MIL fly short distances and spend a long weekend with you all somewhere nice?

We moved to the USA in 2016 and return once or twice a year to visit family. My dad is too old to travel; MIL and FIL used to visit us but FIL died recently and I don't know if MIL will do it on her own. There are also lots of brothers, sisters and cousins we like to try and see.

It is very expensive especially car hire which is approx x2 what it costs in USA. And you have to worry about insurance also. You can shop around and get good deals though, especially if you are ok with manual transmission. Try Costco travel.

We normally spend a lot more than $4000 (even just the flights cost us more than that) so you are doing well!

We often either get an Airbnb in which to meet family, either in the uk or Europe (sometimes we pay / share the cost and sometimes they pay depending on which side of the family) or do a road trip to see lots of people for 2-3 days each and fit in some fun on the way.

In your situation I think I would make the visit a lot shorter, a week max but maybe even less. I know jet lag can be painful with little kids but it's probably still worth it. As pp have said you could tag in a separate holiday in Europe somewhere if you wanted to get more value from the flights.

I know what you mean about not being able to explore the US because of the UK time and money cost. I don't mind for us because we all enjoy the time with family but it would sometimes be nice to have more flexibility.

It sounds very lacking in initiative to have been doing this for ten years without making any attempt to effect change.

There are plenty of potential day trips and affordable transport options.