I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

You could've gone somewhere nice in the UK and either met up with or traveled to family for a couple of days. It was silly to waste such a long time for something you must've known from past experience you wouldn't enjoy.

I also dont get why your only options of places to visit in the UK are Guilford and Woking lol. What about London? thats a fantastic city to visit and far better than many capital cities in Europe. Its a bit unfair to judge the whole of the UK on Aldershot 😂

The same, it wasn't a surprise, but this time it just feels worse

This trip sounds like it was always going to be a disaster. And quite frankly any trip anywhere would be if you didn’t hire a car or stay somewhere with great transport links, make no plans to do anything, and rely on someone else the whole time.

You’re looking at this through a UK I’d shit lens -it’s not, your planning is shit. Hire a car now, go out for the day, stop being determined to be miserable

This sounds very ungrateful.
Your SIL is giving up her days to drive you around to places.
Of course she has to be back to pick up her kids.
She is possibly wondering why you haven't made any of your own plans to entertain yourselves for 2 weeks.

Yeah go London today or tomorrow. Free museums, lunch out, why not?

yeah you’ve had a shit time but don’t wallow now.

I think your complaints are very valid - it's all very well recommending places to visit but the expense these days is eye-watering, especially rail fares. However in my county bus fares are super-cheap at the moment and it's a company that operates in a lot of different parts of the country, so perhaps have a look at bus fares and see if you can get somewhere nicer than Aldershot for at least a day.

From Farnham you can easily get to London and there’s loads to do that’s free there. Portsmouth is great for kids. Car hire doesn’t have to be much. You could have hired for a day or two and gone exploring.

You’ve made your own luck here OP.

I would have planned an amazing trip across the UK, with a stop off at in laws, the UK has some amazing spots beyond the little corner you feel trapped in

@Backwoods57 I can totally get that, and it's not great for your kids to have to do this for holidays. Every 2 years is definitely fair, set expectations now and explain it's very expensive and means you can't afford to enjoy your holiday. Our experience of going to US on holidays though is that it's extremely expensive! Choose your location there carefully too!

Farnham is a lovely town, whenever I've been it's got lots of nice places to go!

As much as I understand ( we have also had to spend holidays in a place we would never had chosen) my heart goes out to your sil.

Rail fares from Farnham really aren’t that expensive, particularly off peak. It’s not on an intercity line. £20 a ticket for the adults and you’re done.

Railfares are not expensive with railcards and prebooking

www.visitsurrey.com/listing/the-sculpture-park/40487101/#:~:text=Adults%20are%20%C2%A315%20each,disabled%20also%20eligible%20as%20concessions.

You’ve made choices that make it shit. Of course it’s going to cost a lot - that much travel always will. We’re going to the states in the summer and know we’ll be spending a fortune, yes on travel but also on doing things while there. That’s just kind of standard…it would be the same wherever you go.

You could definitely cut the trip shorter next time, or do every other year. But also, hire a car. Know you will need to spend on days out. Be more self starting instead of waiting around for your in laws to entertain you.

I was just going to say the same. Google for side streets to park for free at Alice Holt. Go to Wisley. Go go walk in the Surrey Hills. Go look round Guildford at the castle. Find a pub on the River. Go to Elsted

Farnham is absolutely not the shithole of England. By far. Unless you get in your car. Or you live right on the one way system.

If you think Farnham is a shit hole you are truly blessed. I walk for miles in the woods and villages around there never seeing or hearing a car for hours.

I think they sell bottled water in farnham

Farnham is lovely.

Aldershot on the other hand

Nevertheless you are completely right and all the things you’ve suggested are lovely.

So if you and your DH go on holiday normally what planning do you do? Or do you just get to your hotel or lodge and sit down and that's it.

We go on holiday to Portugal on Monday - I've already got plans of which days we're doing day trips and which days are resort days. The day trips are booked. The kids activities are booked. We needed a dinner reservation for a really nice restaurant down the road, that's booked. I don't just leave it up to the holiday gods to provide a nice time for me.

It seems a bit unfair to expect SIL to be your taxi for two whole weeks, and ungrateful to then complain about it. I doubt she’s cock a hoop about it either.

Unpopular opinion but I'm not doing anything just because someone tried to guilt me.

If you live in America, and she doesnt like flying, that's her problem, not yours. It shouldn't mean that the onus is always in you to go to her, using up your time, effort, resource, money and PTO.
No no no.

I'd be making it abundantly clear this is my last trip to their house. Future holidays will be on a rolling rota;

• Somewhere in Europe you all travel to
• In the US where you will host
• Somewhere in the UK but not their house relying on them to organise and drive you.

If she doesn't want to fly, then facetious always works but I'm not using all my holiday to visit them.

Why not hire a car?

Somewhere in the UK but not their house relying on them to organise and drive you.

I doubt OP would spend the money. Refusal to spend any so far seems to be the main issue.

And a three week vacation allowance is definitely a reason not to move to the US.

I would love to hear the SILs side to this story