I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Train to London for day or two or somewhere else or car hire.

There quiet a few free things once you are in London - so just trip fare (maybe not cheap) and packed lunch.

https://www.tripadvisor.co.uk/Attractions-g503820-Activities-Aldershot_Hampshire_England.html

You may be at point where you have to spend some money for whole trip not to have been a waste of time and money.

So you expected your SIL to host you and drive you about to interesting places for two weeks? Lucky her….
If you don’t like this, you need to do something different, whether that’s not coming every year or planning a trip you will enjoy. Don’t blame everyone else.

@Backwoods57
Trains, buses and coaches?

And no you don't collect her children on daily while on holiday.

Next holiday? Go spend it better!

I'd be looking up Ubers to the nearest stations. OP, I do sympathize, honestly. The UK is expensive and the PT is not great, but if you're here, do try to make the most of it for now and chalk it up to "lessons learned" for next year.

Have a look on trip advisor and get out there!

I have a lot of American family and we go back and forth. All trips are two weeks but more a case of 2-3 days with family at the start and the odd day here and there whilst we/they do holiday holiday stuff elsewhere. It works the same whether it is us there or them here.

The one set are in california and we love to do a road trip with family stops. They do similar with here.

This. It doesnt sound much fun for your SIL either tbh. It's the school holidays- her kids wont even be at school. Why cant you get a bus or a train?

Madness not to combine it with a trip to Europe. Whenever we go home to visit my family in Australia we have a stay in a resort or do a road trip.

Very good idea not to come next time. Makes it cheaper for the family and doesn't waste your holiday allowance! Maybe go every other year?

And just because your DH doesn't like something, doesn't mean you have to step in and protect him from it.

So you are near Aldershot and have visited ….amongst others, Woking and Fleet!! Good grief - whose idea was that?

Trains take less than an hour into London from that neck of the woods. You could have been in one of the greatest cities in the world with top museums and galleries (free!) and some wonderful sights.

The New Forest is beautiful and not far for your countryside fix.

Your in-laws don’t sound terribly imaginative but a little research and you could have had a far far better time.

If your MIL doesn't fly could you arrange to meet somewhere in Europe next time where she could get the train to - like the Eurostar to Paris or Amsterdam or somewhere.

At least then you could have an actual holiday out of it.

Agree with you about bleachy tap water. Pick up a jug with filter today, makes a huge difference.

You needed to hire a car and go out and do things and not rely on someone else to drive you around the whole time, or make sure you had enough money for public transport / taxis

I'm not sure what you thought you were going to do all day, if you didn't come with any money

It sounds like you're more like your MIL than you might like to admit OP!

Being a bit more positive and proactive would probably help....

I am also hoping your SIL is not a mumsnet user and isn’t reading that the people she’s been trying to host and entertain for 2 weeks whilst juggling her own commitments including children think her house is dirty, cramped and messy and hate it. This sounds like a fairly identifiable post.

Ideally rent a car. You need a car for the freedom. So many lovely days out to be had. Winchester and Salisbury are lovely. Winchester has the cathedral and some interesting military museums. Southsea is good for walking along the sea front with arcade, and the rose gardens are lovely but might need to wait until May time for that. Portsmouth historic Dock yard, Beaulieu motor museum, Bird word and finkley down farm is great for the kids, Winchester science musuem and marwell zoo. You are very close to London too, which would only be a short train ride away. I could go on. Maybe come in may or June time. Weather might be a bit better then.

If we have to come back I will suggest that we actually all go somewhere other than the UK.

You can't be spending much if you are staying with family and not going anywhere.

For contrast we are going to Boston later this month and the hotel costs are absolutely terrifying.

Sounds like Paris (Lille, Brussels) would have been a lot cheaper than York then! (I'm certainly not here to defend the price of British train fares). For future reference: Paris isn't the expensive destination you might think, as the French are the unacknowledged masters of reasonably priced chain hotels with family rooms.

Also....because I am an avid virtual journey planner: I looked up the train from Aldershot to Waterloo- it's £19.30 for a day return and takes just over an hour. Yes it should be cheaper, but doable I'd say.

You've got two kids under 5 but have been coming back every year since 2014. What were you doing when you were child free? You surely didn't just sit in someone's house for two weeks then?

Honestly, you sound like you are self defeating. There weee lots of things you could have done differently and could do differently in future if you just plan it! There have been lots of good suggestions. There are plenty of cheap hotels like Premiere In or Travel Lodge and you can get a family room. You could travel by bus or train or hire a car. You just need to make the decision to plan activities and enjoy yourself instead of expecting everyone else to entertain you.

Next time just come for a week, don't stay with family if you don't like it, hire a car, and plan stuff to do while you're over. Also don't come over during the local school holidays.

I feel sorry for the SIL to be honest.

Why do you have to stay there though? You must know it's miserable/dull. My DH is from a (beautiful!) foreign country, and as luck would have it, his family lives in the most boring part imaginable, with absolutely nothing to do. So we make it coincide with his parents' and siblings annual holiday to a very beautiful part of the country, and we all have a lovely time. I'm sooooort of surprised that you haven't implemented this before over the last decade? Just book a nice airbnb somewhere where you actually WANT to be to see your Mum, and make that her holiday with you. You'll all have a better time of it.

(I'm also from a foreign country but my parents live in a really nice city, so my trips home are always fun, thank goodness. It would be miserable if I had to go to the part of the country where my parents are actually from.)

https://www.visitlondon.com/things-to-do/budget-london/101-free-things-to-do-in-london

See a do-able train fare and a list of free things to do for a day in London.

Woking and Aldershot, I’ll accept, are not inspiring. I can’t believe you found nothing of interest in Windsor though. Fleet doesn’t have much of a town, but Hartley Witney is pleasant to stroll around.

Get a train to Chichester, or hire a car and go to the Witterings. Get a train to Portsmouth and look round the naval stuff or go to Gunwharf Quays. The Surrey Hills are close to Farnham and the South Downs aren’t far away. Arundel Castle, Amberley Museum, the Novium in Chichester, the Festival Theatre.

You could rent a car for a day, so parking wouldn’t be an issue.