I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Personally I would never live anywhere but the UK. There are some Beutiful places to visit and as others have said, get the train.

at least UK water is safer to drink, unlike other countries where you can’t just turn on the tap and drink! And I resent all those plastic bottles littering up the place just so people can have “purer” water. What about the planet!

but seriously get out there and explore! I do admit the weather has been atrocious recently with all the rain.

@Backwoods57 you need to stop going on an annual basis. It's an expensive trip for you to not enjoy it every single year. Most families I know that live across the Atlantic tend to visit every 3 years or so. If MIL doesn't like it? Tough. There are video calls. It seems too much to be guilted into going back every year when you don't even want to. Stand up for yourself. Just tell her it's too much and it'll be every three years in future.

Kendells self drive

I've taken my kids to visit family in arizona. Going to our cousin's cabin to shoot and ride on quad bikes was a highlight.

Only the older kids who were able to follow instructions shot guns, and they were very closely supervised.

I totally get it. We are also living overseas and I get so resentful about the expensive and boring trips back ‘home’ that use up all our annual leave.

We did it for years until one day I decided no more. Now we either pay for my mum to
come to us, meet in a country half way and have a holiday together, or tag a few days in the UK onto another holiday elsewhere.

Visiting family is not a holiday (my uncle who emigrated said this to me once and he was so so right). I live in the US and spent years bringing kids back to visit. You need to change your mindset and either tack a real holiday on at one end or the other or accept that it is not a holiday but a visit.

2 weeks is too long - probably too long for your sister in law too. You have to factor car hire or other expenses into the cost of the trip - otherwise it is just awful for everyone, including the people you rely on for lifts.

I can't understand people saying there is no scenery in the UK compared to the US. Of course there is - it is just different. I'm not even from the UK and there are parts of it we have holidayed in (Scotland for example) because of the scenery.

It doesn't sound great but it sounds like there's lots you can do to improve the holidays going forward.

Next year, come in the summer time, hire a car, there are lots of beautiful places within driving distance, especially compared to the USA which is so big.

Depending on how old your kids are:

Alice Holt forest
Legoland
Air Hop in Guildford
Go Ape also in Guildford
Nice walk at Newlands Corner followed by visit to Silent Pool gin distillery
Wellington Country Park (bit further afield)
Day out down to the Witterings for the beach
Or just day out in London! Lego exhibition is on atm, supposed to be very good, followed by a nice lunch?

I would rather stay in the US and explore

I think the OP is determined to hate the UK and wouldn't think anything here was amazing. She misses the countryside and wildlife of where she lives

I don’t understand why you haven’t planned anything and are so reliant on others. You are an hour from London on a train - why not see the sights or soak up some of the atmosphere.
It sounds as if you were not going to enjoy the trip before you even got here and I think that’s your own fault for being to passive and negative.

Anything stopping you getting the train to Windsor or Winchester and doing some sightseeing? Or look for a cheap hotel and have a little mini break there.

YOu need to just say no.

Let MIL rant and cry and try to guilt trip all she wants; that's for her son to sort, not you. Probably cheaper for you to fly her to you anyway ... pay for the ticket ... she could spend time with her grandchildren while you work, win-win.

It's called Aldershit for a reason! Next time could you stay somewhere else and MIL come and visit you? Or do a driving trip to Scotland/Wales/seaside and stay somewhere different?

Sounds dreadful and a lot like the "holidays" my parents used to take us on as kids - sitting in various relatives rooms in rural ireland (although tbf I love that now and also drag my kids there too).

Sounds like you don’t like the UK at all, don’t want to be here so are making no afford to enjoy it. Coming to the UK and making a half hearted effort by not hiring a car was never going to work out. I would come every few years and spend your holidays in the US where everything, apparently, is rosy.

All of the UK isn't the same as Aldershott!

I love Maine... it might be cheaper for you to pay for your MIL to come to you. Get her to come out in fall when the colours are stunning, go have cider and donuts somewhere, go to the coast for amazing seafood and chowder, she can go to freeport to do some shopping. She'd have an amazing time

Not sure where OP is going to find in Europe that meets her Huntin’ shootin’ fishin’ RV wishes. Particularly as she won’t hire a car or spend any money.

On the flip side OP whilst I wouldn’t spend 2 weeks in Aldershot, nor would I spend it in rural Maine.

I keep seeing things on social media about how “the European mind can’t comprehend” the distances Americans travel to go for a meal or shopping or whatever. My European mind is struggling to comprehend spending £4K, 2/3 of my holiday allowance and flying thousands of miles but not planning how to squeeze every drop out of that trip. It’s a comparatively tiny country but there’s history, art, culture (and yes, even wilderness and nature) absolutely packed in to it, it’s pretty hard to go any distance without encountering some of that. If anything it’s impressive that you’ve managed to spend 2 weeks here and do so little.

You're not wrong.

The American driving thing is crazy to me though. I have a friend here who frequently drives her 4 year old son 5 hours each way on a day trip to do something he will enjoy.

Sounds like you’ve missed out on some of the amazing scenic places the UK has to offer. Ever been to the Lake District? Snowdonia? It doesn’t have to be big to be beautiful.

YABU, and kinda rude, to come on a British website to moan about how crap you think Britain is and how much better you think America is.

If you’re British then you know perfectly well that MIL could have caught a train to Paris to meet you for a citybreak at EuroDisney, or a ferry to elsewhere, or you could be driving her around the beauty spots of Europe just as easily as you drive 200 miles around the US.

The real problem here is that you’re living a high spec life in America but can only afford a very low spec holiday in Europe/UK, and apparently MIL can’t afford any holiday at all but is getting no financial help from her son.

Would be cheaper and more pleasant for all of you to meet MIL in anproper holiday spot. If she can’t fly then trains and boats exist.

So many places to visit . YAbU to spend the whole time with the ILs.

I get the feeling no matter where you went you would not enjoy it. There are plenty of easy options available to you but no interest in taking them.

OP, what does your wife/husband feel about the visits back to the UK? Would she/he be willing to spend a bit more to hire a vehicle or rent accommodation somewhere a bit more scenic to use as a base?

So what if she guilt trips you? Going every year is not acceptable. She either comes to you every other year or she doesn't see you that year. Really, OP, you are in total control here.