I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Rural Maine looks quite pretty but it also looks dull AF (it was even named 2nd most boring state apparently). Not much to do there by the looks of it. If I was you, I'd be gagging to visit London where there are loads of interesting places to visit and see.

As said upthread, you come all the way the UK and spend it in Aldershot, what did you expect?!

You're in Hampshire and you can't find anything to do? Or any countryside? Yeah, it's a you problem.
Out of interest, when you say Hunting and Shooting are important life skills, in what way do you mean?

She misses the countryside and killing the wildlife of where she lives.

Corrected that for you!

What on earth were you expecting two weeks in Aldershot to be like?!

We are very fortunate in the UK to have beautiful places to visit here and a stone’s throw away in Europe. Why on earth would you fly across the Atlantic and stay in Aldershot.

Our friends are currently visiting from Vermont and they’ve stayed with us in Essex, visited London, had a few days in Yorkshire and hopped on the Eurostar to Paris. They’ve had a great time and haven’t once felt the need to complain about the lack of New England scenery or wildlife. Just like I don’t complain about the lack of Waitrose and medieval castles when I visit her.

Similarly, my best friend is home from Australia next week. They will stay with grandparents for five days, host a few get-together, then they will fly out to France with grandparents and cousins for a week of skiing.

If it’s your holiday, make a holiday of it. Do something other than sitting in a living room in Aldershot!

Aldershot is definitely grim. There's some really gorgeous countryside in the surrounding areas.
If you get the train from north camp towards Gatwick airport there are some lovely walks in the Surrey Hills around Gomshall, shere (where the film The Holiday was filmed)
If you can get to Guildford you get the 32 bus into the Surrey Hills - silent pool , chilworth gunpowder Mills, shere etc or an Uber to newlands corner is about £15 .

There's also stunning countryside around Farnham eg Frensham ponds. Some filming for the Harry Potter films took place there.

You could also get the train down to Brockenhurst in the New Forest. From Aldershot change at Woking or from Farnborough North change at Basingstoke.

Salisbury & Stonehenge also doable by public transport in a day (shuttle bus from Salisbury station) really lovely tour around the countryside there too.

Why don't you organise a family trip in Europe next time? Your MiL can get the train.

Can't you hire a car?

I haven’t RTFT, but I get it, OP. We are also expats and yes, it is a downer spending thousands to visit family who can’t or won’t make the same effort to come your way. Unfortunately that’s just part of life when your family is more spread out, though. We are spending 5 figures flying long-haul to visit family members south of the equator this summer, and very little of the time will be spent doing exactly what we please. We’re getting in some fun city destinations along the way, but most of it is fairly unglamorous visiting. I try not to think too much about the expense, though, and instead focus on the nice things like getting to catch up with people we love, the children getting to see their cousins, etc. I think the juice is worth the squeeze, in that respect.

When we visit the UK, we tend to do a whirlwind couple of days to visit family (3ish days at each obligatory stop) and then do a few days in London just as a family to enjoy the city, see a show, meet old friends for dinner, shop, etc. I’d make an effort to plan a trip within a trip for just your family so that it’s not a wasted trip! Doesn’t have to be London, it could be Cornwall or the Lake District, just somewhere you actually want to go!

Just like I don’t complain about the lack of Waitrose and medieval castles when I visit her.

lol as an expat living in America I complain about this. Doesn't have to be waitrose, I would love to have a sainsburys or tesco!

No wonder your SIL's house is messy. She's moonlighting as an unpaid taxi driver.

The streets smell of cigarette smoke, really? Can’t say I’ve ever noticed that as problem in the UK and lived here all my life.

I doubt being stuck in rural Maine will fill me with joy with no transport. You should have rented a car, lm not really sure how you thought you would get around. Yeah going from where you are to York by train is expensive and was expensive even in 2014. You can easily get the train to London from where you are; go to free museums, Camden, by the river, Borough Market etc

Yes and they were lovely - but not as breathtaking as some parts of the USA

DH & I have friends in Guildford & visited there on numerous occasions. We love it. If I was you I'd concentrate on the positives of your trip rather than focus on the place you are based. The Uk has some of the most beautiful areas in the world & the freshest drinking water which is why a lot of it is bottled for selling.

For that amount of money fly your MiL out to visit you.

Don't stay for two weeks. I understand if you spend all the money to travel over, it seems like you should stay as long as possible, but in reality, two weeks is not such a better experience than one week, as to make it worth it to use up so much of your vacation time. What additional fun did you have in the second week? What additional milestones did your dh's mom see out of her grandkids in the second week?

Alternately, spend (even) more money and use the two weeks to have some fun. Whether that means renting a car to drive to the Lake District, or getting a hotel in London for a couple of days so you can do some sightseeing with the kids and go to a fancy restaurant or two. Either way, you put the "break" in the middle of your two-week vacation and when you get back, the kids have something to tell Grandma about. And also they have a new experience that they can add to their childhood memories.

Your children won't be children forever. It's not fair to them to make them spend most of their childhood trips sitting in the same house doing nothing, over and over again. And what about you? Why do you have to spend 2/3 of your holidays like this? Your MIL isn't the only person whose happiness and life experiences are important.

🤣 one of my big pet peeves is guests declining to drive and thinking lm a taxi driver. Then get cranky if you have other stuff to do e.g. pick children up from school go to work. They also get annoyed if you want to have a drink etc

@Backwoods57
I've only read the first and last pages of this thread.......(only just started browsing Mumsnet a few minutes ago).
So apologies if someone has already said this.
There are always going to be family issues regarding heartache, resentments, loss, envy, etc, when a young person or young family leave their parents/family/families of origin and home area to live overseas, which they have every right to do.
I think even those left behind who are pleased for them/understand their wish for a better life/put on a brave face, will feel some sadness. surely?
I'm not going to get involved in the issues in OP's situation regarding her MIL's fear of flying, (a real fear for many people, and not always easy to overcome), nor whether OP should feel obliged to visit, and what her family do when they are in the UK.
But the simple truth is, OP, that you have made the decision to emigrate to the USA. You have every right to do that.
But such a move is always going to have consequences, as you have discovered. And you have to work out how you are going to manage those consequences, and accept that there may well be someone who is going to be hurt or unhappy.

I sympathise.
Quite frankly I'd rather jump off a bridge than stay at my MIL or SILs for 2 weeks. However, it doesn't sound like much fun for them either.

This is one of the only holidays you'll get this year.
You need to try to make the best of it.
It's now the school holidays, so no need to be picking up the kids any more.
Take a bus somewhere, they are cheap, £2. Surely anywhere is better than sitting in the little smelly house!
You need to find alternatives so that you aren't stuck in this predicament again.

Could you possibly pay for your MILs flights next year?
Or have a bigger budget next time so you can stay elsewhere. Hire a car and plan days out.
Saving money is one thing but I'd rather be a bit out of pocket than have a miserable holiday.
Good luck, and I hope you manage to have some good days on this trip x

You go shooting with your children?sweet lord what has the world come too 🤮

Cheaper to bring MIL than all go

And?? Why do you keep going on about this? Scenery can still be lovely and glorious regardless of how ‘breathtaking’ it is elsewhere. It’s just a non point but you’re determined to make it one.

I haven't read the whole thread but you say you moved to the USA, are you from the UK op or is it just your dh who is from the UK? You sound like you really hate the UK and I wonder how much of it you've actually seen? Presumably your dh wants to come back to see his family not just because mil wants to see the grandkids? Do you not have family you want to visit? Why don't you fly over with dh and the kids but then go off and do your own thing? Coach travel such as the megabus is much cheaper than the train, and trains are cheaper if you pay in advance.

It is like that in some places. Thankfully not where I live, but sometimes when we visit particular places, it's like being in a plumbe of cigarette smoke 😷

Goodness me, hire a car! If you live in the US you must surely drive.