I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

I live in the US - emigrated 20 years ago - spend most holidays going back to visit my UK family - I guess the difference is it's my family so I just love seeing them no matter if we do anything or not.

I don't think it's unreasonable of you to have a bit of a moan if you're not enjoying yourself, however you are unreasonable as you've been doing this for ten years so the set up should not have come as a surprise at all.

If I were you, I'd have planned to do 3-4 days of remote working so that I didn't use up all my vacation time, and on those days sent DH out of the house with the kids.

I'd have taken 1-2 days for myself to visit my own family and friends (you say 'you' plural? moved to the US in 2014 so you must have some people there you'd still like to see) or if no friends then simply gone and done an overnight on my own to the coast, or a spa night in a hotel.

Then your DH and MIL are looking after the kids for at least six days but you are still there and supporting your DH for the flight etc while the kids are so young.

Then you'd just have seven days left - minus arrival day and leaving day for jet lag, packing unpacking etc, that leaves you with just five days to fill with activities. Hire a car for 2-3 of those days and you've got loads of lovely day trip options - go to London for a day and you've suddenly filled the whole 13 days, and only used 8-9 days of annual leave.

😂

Oh and buy a water filter jug, and or a six pack of bottled water. Tick one more complaint off the list.

our tap water? i cant ddrink over there its vile

cant you rent a car

This.

I emigrated and spend most of my holidays visiting family in the UK. We try to achieve a balance of chilling out at my parents' house, seeing friends and family, and doing nice things to make it feel more like a holiday.

When my children are older I plan to spend at least 3-4 days in London once a year so they can discover all the fun things the capital has to offer. Aldershot is less than an hour from central London by train.

Did you know the UK has some astoundingly beautiful, interesting, historical etc etc etc places to visit?? If I were to go to the USA for a fortnight I would not be wasting it sat complaining in some tedious backwater. You've got your laptop with you - get Googling and stop whingeing.

It was the complaining about tap water I thought was the funniest

I was going to suggest a trip to Winchester, too. It's got some interesting history and some beautiful old buildings, including a terrific cathedral. Unless they've ruined it in the last 20-ish years, it has a nice town centre and some great pubs, too. I'm pretty sure Farnham is on the line between London and Winchester, so you could get a train.

Hiring a car would have made your trip so much more tolerable, OP. You're actually quite well placed for visiting some beautiful countryside and fantastic historic sites.

It’s not fair that any outings when visiting the UK have to be crammed into 5 hours to fit with school pickups. By the time you’ve got anywhere and had lunch it’s home time

They wouldn’t have to be if the OP had hired a car or could manage to use public transport.
I feel sorry for the poor SIL here. She’s giving up her days to ferry them around, having to rush back to pick up her kids, and they’re slagging off the state of her house. I’d be glad not to have to host them again.

Sadly there is no train between Farnham and Winchester, they'd have to get a bus from Alton. But it's perfectly doable as a day trip by public transport and you're right, there are some fab things to see and do there.

To be fair to the OP if they live rurally and have a well then the water is going to taste significantly different to town water which has been treated.

We have a well and the water is really delicious - all my family mention it when they come to visit. The downside is you have to be extra careful with the kids teeth as there's no flouride added to the water - the pediatrician always asks about well water when you have check ups.

But it's not like water filters and bottled water don't exist in the UK and boiled water is good too for removing the taste of chemicals.

I get it OP. I live in the US and am spending 3 weeks of my vacation time (I get loads though) visiting my parents in the UK. They also refuse to come and visit us, so if I want to see them, we have to go over .

Anyway, thinks we've done to make it better

• Start and end the trip with a few days in London
• Stay in a really nice AirBnB in the nearest city, not their dull as ditch water suburb.
• Make firm plans for the time we spend with them, trying to avoid spending $$$ and flying 3000 miles to sit on the sofa and watch bargain hunt.
• Resign yourself to a lot of advance planning and not a lot of spontaneity.

Go camping in the New Forest or walking around the Surrey Hills or South Downs. Try not to shoot anything.

That's what I mean, drink bottled water - tbf, my kids complain about the weird taste of tap water when we visit different parts of the uk

Maybe SIL’s house is messy and dirty since she’s spending every day ferrying you around then has to go and get her kids from school and I guess look after them. I feel sorry for the SIL here.

You should have hired a car!

Here's an idea - quit bloody moaning and do something about it!!!! Your SIL's kids are off school now. Could your DH get insured on her car for a couple of days?

As for going shooting with under 5s.... 🙄

You do realise we have countryside and wildlife in the UK too, if you can manage not to shoot it...

Oh and I've heard it said that it's hard to feel too sorry about yourself when you are thinking about the needs of another person - so what kind of guest are you being?

Are you cooking and cleaning up? Helping to entertain SIL's kids so she gets a break? Offering a night babysitting SIL kids so she and her DH can go for a date night?

I think I've strained my eyes rolling them. This whole post seems like a giant humble brag to me. It's clear you're pretty pleased with yourself that you think you've made a good move to the US so what is the point of this post except to slip in little digs about how much better you think you've got it now?

If you wanted to have a better time here then hire a car and do some planning, don't rely on others to entertain you and then complain about it.

Sounds like you were determined to hate your holiday, in which case two weeks in a dirty little house in Aldershot was a stellar plan. Good work!

It seems as though you didn't plan ahead for activities.

I’d be furious. Another shit grandma. I’d be saying you can’t miss the grandkids that much then if you can’t overcome your fear of flying. Pathetic. Just refuse to go again, I would.

Stop considering it a holiday, its fitting a years worth of family duty in to a short period of time. The rest of the year you are getting to opt out of weekends at the in-laws and dragging yourself back and forth to help with things and instead get to spend that time doing the things you love back home. It is the trade off.

A change of mindset might help.

Definitely budget for a car next time and find parking, these trips are a normal cost of emigrating and something you take in to consideration when you do it. Family stuff costs money through the year attending things, you are doing it in one big hit instead.

If you like rural environments, the Lakes, the Highlands (stunning), Snowdonia or even the Cotswolds would have been a better shout than Aldershot.

Oh and next time, don't insert 4 extra people into your SIL's "cramped dirty messy house"!! Such gratitude for no doubt free accommodation. Have you put your hand in your pocket for food or petrol?

If I was your SIL I wouldn't be having you back.

@ttcat37 "I’d be furious. Another shit grandma." Well you do you. Some people can't overcome their fear of flying, and the US is a long flight. Plus it was OP and her DH who chose to move away!

Get the train to Brockenhurst, hire bikes from the cycle place next to the station, cycle to pubs in the New Forest. Sorted!!