I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

If you're comparing two weeks in Aldershot with huntin', fishin' and shootin' in rural Maine, I'm not surprised you're disappointed. Sounds like you much prefer your life in the USA to surburban England and that's fine. But you're AIBU for coming here and not taking advantage of all the things that Maine doesn't have.

This is a big mistake - I wouldn’t go home without hitting a car - it’s your ticket to freedom.

Come less often and hire a car so you are not reliant on others to ferry you round. It woukd wear pretty thin if you were my sil and I had to drop everything to be your chauffeur.

Was just about to write the same!

It's the kids' Easter holidays. And nice comment about SIL's house 🙄 - if it's that bad don't go there. You're not being dragged there by force.

Nobody would enjoy 2 weeks staying with their in laws. They could live anywhere and it would be shit. You need your own space.

Sounds like your DH can’t say no to his demanding mother and that is really the problem.

I live in the USA and I hear you on the whole vacation spent interacting with family (in my case, two of my children and two of my grandchildren) and old friends. I do enjoy that a lot, as I only get back once a year, but I always build in some tourist time as well, with or without family/friends.

It would be cheaper for you to pay for MIL to come over on a ship and take a train or bus to wherever you are (or maybe come to meet her so you're all touristing together if you live somewhere without good transport) than to pay $4000 to bring all of you over the Atlantic. More fun too by the sound of it.

I am currently visiting my parents in the same area. The weather is lovely today and this morning we took the kids to Wisley. I'm surprised you can't find anything entertaining or enjoyable to do with your time.

I guess we're all different. I'd be bored stiff in a log cabin in rural Maine and would take Hampshire, with its easy connections to a range of urban and countryside attractions and amenities any day of the week.

OP, it sounds like you really hate the UK and this is causing you to sulk a bit rather than find creative solutions or spend money on a rental car. I think you need to cultivate a more positive attitude and start seeing the good rather than focusing on how bad a time you're having. Next time, make better plans, be prepared to spend more on local trips, or try to get out of coming.

As a fellow emigrant who has to spend 2 weeks every year visiting family in the UK and Europe...YABU. That is extremely bad planning on your part.

Having to "waste" vacation time on family visits is a big downside of emigrating. But there are so many ways to make it a nice holiday and there are SO many nice places in the UK, that this is all 100% on you.

Tell DH you need a holiday next year the UK was exhausting and there was no holiday benifit.
Pay for MIL to come to you in USA? Then you can travel around with her.Or she just stays at your place while you are at work.

Could you see if MiL could address her fear of flying and offer to pay for her flight, then alternate years? Surely she'd like to see where you live?

oh dear, I happily live in Woking but the idea of flying transatlantic to stay in Aldershot and visit Woking is hilarious OP.

However, you are in the heart of Surrey’s official Areas of Natural Beauty. Stunning places on your doorstep (and in Woking too!). Get outside for a few hours and you will easily be back for school pickup.

I also have no problem renting a car when I'm visiting the UK. If you're originally British there shouldn't be a problem driving on the other side of the road - my DH manages it and he's American and 80.

I think you must be a bit thick coming onto a site that is mainly used by people based in the UK and then dissing the UK.

Would it not be cheaper to pay for your mil to come to your house?

YANU to resent having to use your annual leave and money to have a rubbish holiday.

I feel for you. I would pick Acadia over Aldershot Every. Single. Time.

MIL can’t call all the shots or dibs on 2/3 of your annual leave every year.

I’m sorry your MIL is scared to fly but that’s not your fault and your kids will get fed up of this as they get older and want to do more things on their own continent and go to the places they hear their friends talk about. You are also going to want to take them to places and build precious memories.

It’s not fair that any outings when visiting the UK have to be crammed into 5 hours to fit with school pickups. By the time you’ve got anywhere and had lunch it’s home time.

You are allowed to have a life of your own. personally I would come back for a week every other year and spend the second week somewhere in Europe.

We have close relatives in Boston. They come back every 2/3/4 years and we keep in touch via WhatsApp, FaceTime.

Your DH not wanting to look after 2 kids on his own isn’t your fault either. He needs to compromise.

It s now school hols. Hire a car. Take a train or bus.

I used to do a similar trip when we were expats in Texas, where incidentally the water tasted more like bleach than I’ve ever experienced.
I totally get the nuisance that is having to use up holidays visiting family, because even though it’s nice to be with them, it never felt like an actual holiday.
However, you’re so close to some amazing things to do. Okay, Aldershot is grim, but it’s in reach of many great things. There are loads of National Trust places that combine history with outdoorsy stuff, amazing woods, parks and outdoor things to do. There’s Guildford which is a pretty shopping town with lovely restaurants….a train to London for history and museums….trains to Portsmouth, Brighton….Farnham castle….Bourne Woods….exactly what are you wanting to do?!
There’s no way I would be staying anywhere for 2 weeks in UK without a car.
Sounds like a case of bad planning on your part, OP.

Hire a car maybe? Go Ape in Bracknell is good for the kids, trip down to Bournemouth, few days sightseeing in London in the train.

Yes YABU, there are so many amazing/ fun places to visit within an hour or so of there. If you haven’t sorted yourself out to visit any of them then I think it’s a “you” problem really. What exactly were you expecting to do without access to a car?

It sounds shit all round. I bet your SIL isn’t having much fun hosting you all, having to drive you everywhere and then rush back to so the school runs

Do not do this again! Either all meet for a week in a different country or your DH misses a year then travels alone with the kids for a week.

I disagree that it’s more expensive here than the US. I was shocked when we visited the US recently. The price of everything was ridiculous.

So you think the UK is a shithole, yet live in a country where learning to shoot is an ‘important skill’ 🥴

okedoke.

If you're comparing two weeks in Aldershot with huntin', fishin' and shootin' in rural Maine, I'm not surprised you're disappointed

Exactly. I adore all my relatives who emigrated to Australia. They have a fantastic life over there, with big beach front houses and the weather, the outdoor life, and... well everything. They visit us regularly and they don't look to is for anything. They hire a car, and they make themselves an itinerary that includes staying with us for a few days at a time, and with trips and days out that wee can join at any time. But they're self-sufficient.

The only times I wince are when I feel they're putting down the UK. The comments about how tiny houses are here (not in reference to my house or any other Brit relatives, just generally) and stuff like that. I recognise that it helps confirm to them that they made the right decision all those years ago (they grew up in a South Yorkshire pit village) but it niggles me a bit.

How old are your kids, OP?

Get the train down to Alton and do the Watercress Line?

Or up to London and do whatever you fancy?