I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Maybe nobody died- but in the US they get such a short amount of time for annual leave that it's easy to see how it bites having to spend all but one week of it doing what the OP is doing.

But I definitely agree the SIL is probably fed up as well.

@Bumblebeestiltskin So is my son, who would never kill an animal unless it threatened his life. He's still well-armed when he leaves suburbia.

Also, I forgot coyotes, which are everywhere. We have very few feral cats and no one leaves their cats out at night because they WILL get eaten. We lost one when she wandered off on a house moving day many years ago. My friend was chased by a pack of coyotes a few years ago while she was on her tractor. Luckily she was ready to defend herself at the time. I sat in my house in Tennessee just last year and listened to a pack of coyotes close in on the kill. NO WAY do I want to be on the receiving end of that.

I live in Florida these days and know how to successfully exterminate an alligator if necessary. They are in all the ponds in my area. Useful life skills, as OP said.

“it's an important skill” - for under 5s, shooting? 🤨

Is that because you are prepping for a zombie apocalypse, or because there are so many badly store guns in the US that you need to avoid them being fatalities or curiosity in a friend’s home?

I am have decided I am not coming next time, however my partner doesn't want to travel with 2 kids under 5 so I will probably end up having to.

Nope!

Barring exceptional circumstances, one adult two kids is doable!

Access to a washing machine & dryer means they can travel relatively light even for the best part of two weeks.

In fairness Guildford is exciting if the other days out have been Woking, or even worse Fleet! Why would any go to Fleet if they don’t live there? To walk that circle round the ‘pond’ a good third of which is adjacent to the train tracks? Go to that nightclub underneath the Waitrose (anyone know if it’s still there)?

I reckon you’re probably on to something regarding SIL’s motives and OP’s saying this is the last time so I reckon SIL will be delighted her scheme is finally paying off!

Does sound a bit grim. Some options as far as I see it - agree to only come back every 2/3 years as too expensive to fly a family of 4 over annually. MIL will have to get over fear of flying if she wants to see you badly enough (maybe offer to pay for her flight). Or come when the weather is better so more (free, outdoor) activities on offer- isn’t end of June time school holidays in the US? So a good time to come as lower prices here due to not being in school holiday time. Book a holiday home somewhere with pleasant surroundings and lots to do, eg Cornwall/Dorset and invite UK family to stay with/visit you there. Or rent a car so you can travel to nicer places for days out while you’re here- I’m sure you’re aware there are loads!

I actually think you’ve been a bit selfish towards SIL here. I bet she wishes you had got a hire car and would look after yourself a for a bit. The fact that you are snap bang between London and the new forest and can’t find anything nice to do suggests the problem is more with you and your outlook. If you’ve come over assuming you won’t spend much money then of course you’ll all be bored and under each others feet.

The reason you're having a shit time is because you didn't want to fork out for car hire.

What state are you in OP?

You don't have to stay in the house or locally all the time do you? Why don't you go out and about? There are plenty of lovely countryside places and historical places nearby if that's what you want. London isn't that far away either

If you don't have your own transport can't you go somewhere by public transport? I don't drive but manage to get out and about fine with my disabled son and daughter.

Stagecoach buses ATM all journeys are £2 no matter what distance you travel. If DC are under 5 they go free.

Rural Maine

OP started her thread with "I need to rant" - fair enough! Sometimes these things are just shit and not easily fixable. Not sure what hunting and fishing has to do with anything! OP I get it, it sucks, and is part of living abroad. I found that taking a few walks alone with an audiobook helped me get through the worst of it. Hang in there.

I don't know the area at all but don't really understand why you're just sitting in someone's house. Get out and do something.

Hire a car next time. You need your freedom to get out and about with the kids.

For now though, surely Aldershot has a station and you could get a train into London? Or could have done during your stay. London must be a fairly short commute from there and you could get an Uber or other taxi to get you to the station.

You are going to come up with a reason why that won't be possible either though.

My friends used to come back from US for two weeks every year - it’s too much, their trips back were grim - they only looked forward to staying with us at the end - they niw do A four day trip - see everyone and quickly move on. I really find going back home very dull too, a long stay will always be awful. 3 day limit for me.

Poor SIL.

I would be inclined to lean into giving your dc the experiences that rural Maine can't.
So history, culture and big city. You are only a short distance away from London a fantastic destination and in future years not that far from Paris either.
You aren't going to be able to recreate rural USA and I wouldn't focus on that.
I would also only go every other year.

OP, I have been there, and two things:

1 Rent a car. Game changer. Oh, they kicked off at the loss of control, but that just showed that scrabbling back their control was a large part of the point of the visit for our family... Meanwhile you can have cheap days out, just further afield for a change.

2 My MIL was also 'terrified of flying'. Until we went to North America and couldn't come back for a few years. Then she found she was just about able to get over it...

But I am old and battle-scarred and haven't given in to guilt trips for a long time - why should one adult have that much control over other adults and their family? Are you going to do that to your own kids when they grow up? Well then. 🙂

Train from Aldershot to London Euston is £11 for an adult (if you have a railcard) £22 if not?

WisteriaLodge ·
Hampshire isn't known as a UK cultural hotspot.

I beg to differ!

Yes, I would not want to move from London, but Hampshire has a lot going for it. Especially for kids. My Brother's family were very pleased they moved there.

@Backwoods57

As someone else has mentioned, perhaps only go there every other holiday and don't rely on SIL for lifts especially if she has to keep collecting the kids. Hire a car! Go out places. Look on the internet though enough people on here have suggested places, or go air bnb in another place and MIL can come there. From London you can take coaches out for the day. Check the National Express website. You can be picked up in Victoria at the coach station.

As others have said, there is plenty of beautiful countryside close to Farnham, but you do need a car to make the most of it. Now the schools have broken up that should be much easier.

I second others' suggestions of Alice Holt and Frensham Ponds. Also worth visiting for good walking, lovely far-reaching views and wildlife are The Devil's Punchbowl/Hindhead Common/ Gibbet Hill, and Blackdown. On a clear day you can (just) see Canary Wharf from Gibbet Hill and there are Exmoor ponies on Hindhead Common.

Waggonners Wells and Ludshott Common are good too and you could also visit Tilford, which is a pretty village with a rural life museum nearby.

I don't think you have to read between the lines. Her contempt for the UK drips off the OP. It reminds me of the hostile American hotel guest in Fawlty Towers.

I feel for you though - sitting on someone else's sofa, with the only highlight of the day being the next cup of bloody tea, is absolute will-sapping kryptonite... 😞

And mine always insisted on the telly being on in the background allll the tiiiime... The horror! The horror!

I’d struggle with a 13 day holiday staying in anyone’s house, even if it was massive, clean and in an amazing location. That’s so many days to fill, it sounds exhausting and pretty boring.
Im surprised about the cigarette smoke, I was thinking the other day how I hardly ever encounter anyone smoking any more (lots of vaping though).
I’m also baffled about the expense of the UK - whenever I go on holiday outside of the UK I’m expecting all these bargain days out but I end up spending a killing on tipping etc and costly museums.
I think if you move abroad you shouldn’t be expected to come back every year, that’s crazy.