I hate our holiday and want to go home

[Backwoods57]

I need to rant.

Day 10 of a 13 day visit to the UK. We moved to the USA in 2014 and have to come back every year because MIL can't afford to visit us, and is scared of flying. We are in Aldershot/Farnham area. There is nothing to do apart from walk up and down dead high streets. Traffic is terrible, I smell the pollution and cigarette smoke everywhere.

If we don't come we get a massive guilt trip about MIL not seeing grandkids etc.

This trip cost $4000, we have done very little apart from visit family and sit in my SiL's cramped dirty messy house.

2 weeks of my 3 week vacation allowance has been thrown away. I have start working remotely for A. Something to do, and B so I can claim some vacation days back.

I miss my home, our dogs, I miss countryside and wildlife, I want my space back.....and tap water that doesn't taste like bleach.

Might it not be cheaper to pay for MIL to visit you?

Oh God I really feel for you OP. I know Aldershot and it's absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry.

There is an amazing water park there you could take the kids to, have you considered that?

For 4k I'd have gone with Hubby to the Maldives or the Caribbean. Don't make the same mistake next year.

If you spend time in the wilds of the US, being able to hit what you aim at is a very, very useful life skill. We taught both our children how to safely handle firearms and how to shoot. Our hard-core socialist son hikes in the Rockies and always goes fully armed because of bears and mountain lions. It is foolish to do otherwise. Our daughter knows how to defend herself with firearms, knives and martial arts.

I go wherever I want whenever I want, because I know self-defense and I hit what I aim at.

Also, there are many people who hunt deer and other wildlife for meat. If you eat meat, you have no right whatsoever to look down your nose at that. You are doing the same thing, you've just outsourced the hard part.

It def sounds shit but is mostly just bad planning
if you’ve done it before then how is it a surprise?
you should have got a holiday cottage somewhere nice for at least part of it. Or could your MIL be persuaded to travel to France/Spain?

I'm vegan, so I'm entitled to say I think it's disgusting.

Exactly. You are near loads and loads of gorgeous places. just plan visits and if in-laws don't want to join you, that's up to them.

You can walk in the Surrey Hills or at Devil's Punchbowl - both areas of Outstanding Natural Beauty. As PP says - Alice Holt is lovely - join Go Ape there if you or your DC are up for that. There's Birdworld nearby too. Wild swim at Frencham.

Go to Guildford. You can hire kayaks and paddle down the River Wey. It is so beautiful. Or potter around the tiny lanes and shops, have lunch by the river, visit the castle.

Visit RHS Wisley gardens - fountains, hothouses, rockeries with waterfalls, amazing cherry blossom, azaleas and magnolias right now, lakes with gorgeous baby ducklings. They are stunning - you could spend a day there. Claremont Gardens are also beautiful.

Surrey is full of spectacular woodland walks, river tow paths, stunning heathland - all within a short drive of where you are. Climb Leith Hill or Box Hill.

If you like the arts, see what art shows are on at the Lightbox in Woking, and what plays, comedy gigs and music are on in Woking Halls, Guildford Yvonne Arnaud, G-Live, Electric Theatre, Boilerhouse.

If you like stately homes you can't move for them: Polesden Lacey, Painshill, Hampton Court. Jane Austen's home is very near you too.

There's a great winery at Denbeigh, fabulous car and aviation museum at Brooklands old car race track - you can go inside Concorde. Or go next door to Mercedes Benz and drive on the race track. If you like horse racing there are tracks at Epsom, Sandown, Kempton Park.

If the family likes theme parks, Alton Towers and Chessington World of Adventures are quite near.

From Aldershot or Farnham, it's less than 1.5 hours to London - you could be looking round the Tower, on the Eye, at the free Science, Natural History and British Museums, on a river cruise down to Greenwich.

Don't wait for family to get you going. Just make some plans.

Keep coming to Aldershot, give the poor US wildlife a break. Hunting is a revolting activity! Just stay in your SIL house sit there and keep away from our UK wildlife whilst you are here.

I think every 2nd year is a good compromise. Dh can manage 2 kids himself the inbetween years or mil comes to you. Definitely dont come next year.

Or being terrified of sending kids to school because of guns....

Ugh. Aldershot. You have my sympathy and support. You need to AirBnB if you come over again. Hampshire isn't known as a UK cultural hotspot.

Oh I get it in spades OP.

I'm Australian and my annual trip 'home' (although we had a blessed break during covid) is spent sitting on Other People's Sofas and being draggged around to visit extended family who honestly don't in their hearts give a shiny shit about us.

My parents live very rurally in one of the most unattractive parts of rural Victoria there can possibly be. They used to live in Melbourne FFS and there was at least stuff to see and do.

We have to stay with them as well because otherwise great offence is taken.

However- my parents have recently discovered the joys of flying to queensland and so the next trip we plan to meet them there instead. Take an air B&B and at least we are all 'on holiday' (and I don't have to meet up with cousins who really could not give a toss).

If you miss shooting - you can shoot at Bisley. It's not far at all. Targets not animals.

I sympathise somewhat. Dh's parents live in another country - a lovely country, beautiful weather, and they're not far from the sea. People love going there on holiday. However, when we visit, we are stuck in their apartment (it would be a gross insult if we booked into a hotel nearby so we have to stay with them) and going out sightseeing/enjoying ourselves is seen as 'not the point'. Parents are too old and infirm to come out much with us also. It ends up being a bit grim, like your trip.

If I lived in Aldershot, I would definitely move miles away.

Eh!! I live where you’re staying and there’s LOADS to do!! You’re less than an hour train journey into central London, beaches (West Wittering is beautiful) is an hour drive away (it will be lush today!).

youre 30 mins from Windsor and Lego land for the kids

you have beautiful walks in the local area; Frensham Ponds, Alice Holt forest where you can go on Go Ape or hire bikes,

Farnham is stunning and has amazing restaurants and coffee shops and boutique shops

you can get on the train and go to Reading or Guildford you fancied some shopping. There are cinemas, theatres etc all in the local area

soooo much to do In the area!

Next year offer to pay for her flight to visit you in the USA. If she says she won’t because of a fear of flying, well that’s on her. That’s not your fault - you shouldn’t have to use up most of your holiday allowance and thousands a year because of a problem she has.

Either she misses out on seeing her Grandchildren or she sucks it up and gets on a flight once a year. If she says anything about missing her Grandchildren then always respond with “yes it’s such a shame you miss out on seeing the kids because you don’t like flying”.

Hampshire isn't known as a UK cultural hotspot.

You're joking, Hampshire is a beautiful county which goes way beyond Aldershot don't you know

• Chilbolton, in Test Valley, with its attractive thatched houses.
• Selborne, near Petersfield, surrounded by steep hills and lovely walks.
• Buriton, near Petersfield, surrounded by steep hills and lovely walks.
• Milford on Sea, with its quiet beach and views of the Isle of Wight.
• Chawton, the former home of renowned author Jane Austen.
• East Meon, with sprawling views of the South Downs.
• Beaulieu, a beautiful village on the doorstep of the New Forest National Park.
• Buckler’s Hard, with Georgian terraces by the river in this historic shipbuilding hamlet.
• Longparish.

Since you know you are coming to the UK every year, why don't you increase your holiday savings to include car hire if that is what is needed to get you to the places you want to go to. You could even hire a motor home which would enable longer adventures and give your SIL a break from you. eg. https://www.camplify.co.uk/s/aldershot?seed=98786&page=1

OP I feel your pain. I am in a similar situation. We have tried to shake it up over the years, eg partner takes one child one year and the other the next, paying for MIL to come to see us, making sure to build in days out for ourselves, limiting time with certain family members. It takes a lot of planning and yes expense for rental cars and the like. But otherwise it can be so grim. My condolences. The one thing I would say is that it gets slightly easier as children get older. Good luck.

Why not head south to the coast? It's an hour and a half approx which is easily doable for a day trip. I should know I have lived very near Aldershot and now live on the coast, plus I have made the journey many times!

It sounds like your SIL probably doesn’t want you there if she’s taken you out to exciting places like Guildford (I don’t really rate Windsor tbh either but at least it’s a bit touristy!).

The whole trip sounds awful, but Yabu if you expected anything better as Farnham in March doesn’t shout holiday, does it? Ugh

🤣🤣🤣 I thought the same when I read 'Guildford'

Op you do seem determined to be miserable. Just accept you’re having a shit time, you’ll be home before you know it and next year do it differently. Chin up. Nobody died.

I don't know the area but sounds like you're in a boring town. What did you expect? And why can't you get a train or a bus? We're in Wales in holiday, get buses or trains out although were stopping near a beach. I appreciate you may think the UK is shit compared to your American dream but it's ridiculous to suggest that's true of the whole UK. Pick somewhere nice and get them to come to you

so what were you expecting to do for the whole trip?