Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

I'm certainly not disagreeing with you, I'm answering the question a PP asked about which 12yr old boys wouldn't be mortified about needing their mums to get them changed. I'm all for single sex spaces, but also accessibility. not one at the expense of the other though.

@Intriguedbythis
It's hard to tell if you can't read, comprehend or are being deliberately obtuse.
People on this thread aren't talking about grown women being scared of a young boy. I don't think I've seen even one comment claim what you are responding to, and if there is one, it's certainly not the jist.
People are talking about the dignity of the young boys female peers, and of the message it gives boys when the centres rules of 8yo are flouted just for them.
Making up your own narrative doesn't really work in conversations.

This doesn't mean a third of 11 year olds pose a threat to grown women. 'Harmful sexual behaviour' can mean all sorts of things and can stem from abuse the child themselves has suffered (as discussed in the report). Additionally, it states that more than a third of children exhibiting 'harmful sexual behaviours' have learning difficulties. Such children may well require the presence of a carer in a changing room regardless of their age and behaviour.

I think it's wrong to paint children as sexual deviants. I hate to think people see my young son in that way

I really missed family changing rooms/ cubicles at our pool when my
boys were that age. It wasn’t appropriate for them to be in female changing rooms (and nor did they want to), but I also felt they were vulnerable in a male changing room alone.

and yet in my gym boys are not allowed into the women's changing rooms. Where we all walk about naked with gay abandon, slather on body lotion etc etc.
That same gym does have mixed (naked) saunas on some nights, and still the changing rooms are single sex.

Just realised this is a bait post about men in women's spaces.

Utterly grim that you're trying to look upon an 11 year old as a sexual predator and not a child. You're equating children to adults. Disgusting.

My 10yo DS would stare. He’s been using the male changing room since he was 7.

Boys can and do stare at women's bodies. Imagine if the 11 year old boy had an 11 year old classmate in the same changing room? Is she supposed to change in front of him, then have him go back and laugh about it with his mates?

Exactly. Our pool has family changing rooms but still has a sign up for children over 8 using the correct changing rooms. I always used the family ones being a single mum. One of my DS ran into the men’s to get ready before I could stop him one day (SEN). He came to the pool and was very upset which carried on for the rest of the evening. He didn’t want to talk about it at all but I eventually found out that 2 men had been showering close to each other with their privates close to each others bottoms. This was how my son described it. I never let either of my DS’s use the mens after that.
My other DS (ASD) used to go missing and the one time I went to a swimming pool without family changing rooms, he disappeared into the men’s and didn’t come out. I was left there wondering if he’d somehow left the changing room and gone missing or was still in there as I am a lone parent. The staff said to use the disabled changing room next time but I never went back. I did always feel guilty using disabled toilets/changing rooms as he didn’t have a diagnosis then.

What now?

@DuesToTheDirt yes they do, because they're curious about anatomy.

To try and turn this into some sort of single sex space debate, when it's a kid at swimming with his mum, is disgusting.

No, the mother of the son in this instance needs to campaign for this or go elsewhere.

As I said, I, and my son, (because I teach him to) would respect womens and girls right to privacy, so we would go elsewhere if the changing facilities were not suitable, as should anyone who feels uncomfortable with whatever rules the leisure centre chooses to apply.
So, in OP's case, if the child is permitted to be in the changing room by the leisure centre's rules, then the OP can choose not to accept that, complain, and go elsewhere. She cannot insist on special terms just for her

are you saying women and girls just need to deal with being stared at by a male child or pre-teen who is “curious about anatomy”? I don’t give a shit about anyone’s curiosity - I do not want to be stared at by ANY male (over age 7/8) while I am undressed! Why does women and girls’ discomfort matter so little to some people?

If there are no cubicles in the female changing rooms I'd assume the same in the men's. There's NO way I'd send any child (male or female) unaccompanied into their appropriate changing area at the age of 7 if they had to get changed in 'openview' of others there.
I'd look for a new gym.

It's already been covered that the centre said that the boy shouldn't be in there.

@concernedchild I've just asked my 10yo. He said it’s inappropriate because 10 is pre-puberty for boys and you start to get sexual feelings then.

I have an autistic son age 7. I do take him into the female change with me so long as there are cubicles. If no cubicles I would never expect women and girls to be uncomfortable for the sake of a male. We use the family change or disability change or we don't go.

Yes male children are vulnerable alone in male change but their needs don't override women and girls

I was swimming yesterday with my children and there was a family with 3 boys. For some reason all 3 boys came into the ladies changing with their mum. Not sure how old the oldest one is but his voice had broken, he might have been 11 but probably older. Stating and obviously aware that the situation wasn't appropriate. Why on earth didn't he go into the men's with his dad? It was a family swim session so any men present were with their family. Plus there are cubicles so he wouldn't need to be naked in front of any unknown men.

From the age of 10/11 boys in my class made crude comments about the girls, and even further on some occasions. I think many parents are in denial about how innocent their sons are. (fwiw i am not necessarily blaming the boys, they’d probably been exposed to content they shouldn’t have been, leading them to believe it was okay)

It isn’t appropriate for a male child not that far from, or beginning, puberty to be changing with females. It is even worse when considering there may be girls his age or younger changing.

My daughter swims at a private pool where they have 4 changing rooms.

Males.
Adult males and mixed sex kids.
Adult females and mixed kids.
Females.

My 10yo DD refuses to change in anything other than the females. Doesnt stop other mums bringing their boys in though.

The child ISN'T allowed though, according to the centre rules!

Women are not tools to satisfy their curiosity.

My DS is 8 next birthday and would refuse to go in the ladies loo etc.

A boy of 11 absolutely should not be in the women's change. An adult female might not be physically threatened by a boy that age (although could well be) but a girl of similar age or even a few years older would be absolutely mortified.

Plenty of women don’t want to get changed in front of other women. Cubicle changing is more practical (as long as there are some large cubicles as well as the individual ones.