Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Wh6 are female boundaries a problem for uou?

12yr olds with SN who can't physically change themselves?

Have you?! I live with one. He is very much a little boy still, as are his friends, they are definitely not a danger to women or girls. Anyone who sees him that way should have a word with themselves!
I wouldn't be comfortable with him being in a changing room without cubicles with men who are strangers to him, so I don't allow it. However I wouldn't want others to feel uncomfortable with him being in a changing room with them, so in all honesty we wouldn't use a pool with single sex open changing rooms until he is old enough, and I feel comfortable enough to allow him to. Thankfully our local pool has communal changing rooms with cubicles.
This is what you need to campaign for OP. Or just go elsewhere.

@Intriguedbythis have you met many 11 year old boys? If some saw their female classmate whetting changed for swimming do you think they'd stay quiet about it? Should a girl age 8/9/10/11/12 etc have to get changed in front of a boy of the same age?

I have a girl and a boy. They both need to be safeguarded appropriately and it'd be easier for me to keep my son in the women's after he's 8 (he's not there yet) but the ease for me doesn't trump the safety and comfort of others.

I was wondering where the boymums had gone, but here they are, putting their sons above every consideration and trying to shame women into lowering boundaries.

Where do all the little princies who can't hear no come from? Here's where.

Not the point of the thread but I do find it ridiculous that people pay £40-60 a month on basic gym subscription but still aren't provided with actual changing cubicles.

@Intriguedbythis Please consider that it won’t just be women using the changing room. My DD is nearly 13 and still getting used to her changing body and periods. She would hate for a boy to see a tampon string for instance. It’s not sexualisation, it’s preserving dignity to those who may need it when they’re more vulnerable.

With all due respect, you don't know what every single 11 yr old boy is like nowadays. You see a very different side of them in a school setting these days.

I teach in a secondary school. There are 11 yr old boys that you wouldn't want anywhere near girls in a vulnerable situation.

Of course, and they're definitely not all 'just little boys' - even if your child IS that to you he won't be that to other females, especially adolescent girls.
OP doesn't need to go elsewhere, people need to stop taking older boys in a women's changing area (which might mean them going elsewhere).

Adolescent girls don't want to change in front of nice 11 year olds either, to be frank, and they shouldn't have to. Women shouldn't have to either.

Even boys with special needs shouldn't be in womens changing. They should use family changing or accessible changing. I stopped taking my DD to a disabled swimming group because of this reason. Teenage boys who are unable to get themselves changed are still capable of staring inappropriately.

Agreed.

Some of us 'boymums' definitely respect women only spaces and wouldn't have dreamed of taking older boys in a women's communal change area.

I am also a mother of a nearly 10 year old DS - with autism - he’s not allowed to go into female only spaces, that’s only right. If DH isn’t with me I use the disabled toilet with him or I just hang a dressing gown on over his swimming shorts. I still think of him as my baby - and he is! - but he must learn to respect boundaries.

They're still not entitled to be in female changing areas.

Well said.
I get that life might be harder at times but you're doing the right thing, by him and others.

I actually hate cubicles so wouldn't use them anyway

True, most mothers of sons don't do this and do try to raise their sons to respect boundaries. By saying boymums, I was being slightly flippant, I didn't mean to offend mothers who don't want to barge down every rule or person that might slightly inconvenience or annoy their son.

Really happy to see so many decent respectful mums of boys on this thread. Still the odd few who can't give a shit about anyone other than their own, but I'm optimistic that that number is decreasing.

he was staring and anyway he is too old.

I would have told him to leave the changing room while i was in there. Then had the staff make clear to the mother that she is not to take him in there again. Anf if that doesn't suit her? tough. Find a different place.

Erm, you do know it's not ok to pretend sexual abuse only happens to "irresistible" victims?

As it happens, I do know a few men who were molested in male changing rooms or toilets as children, so it is a concern for me. And no, a mother can't stand by the door if she's getting changed herself while changing smaller children.

The gym should provide separate family changing facilities and private cubicles.

If you think that 11 is still very young then you need to do some research. NSPCC research suggests that 30% of sexual offences against children are committed by children and that the average age for those first becoming involved in harmful sexual behaviours is 11.5.
https://learning.nspcc.org.uk/research-resources/statistics-briefings/harmful-sexual-behaviour-hsb/

Exactly.

I am a boy mum and by the age of 8 it was not appropriate for DS to be in the female changing room. Mostly because he is very tall and looked much older. Not all boy mums believe their need to choose the easiest option for their son should come at the expense of women & girls.

To all those trying to shame women and frame us as degenerates for wanting female only spaces shame on you! It is disgusting that you teach your sons that female spaces and boundaries can be freely dismissed in favour if their male wants/needs. You are the women that need to do better.