Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

@MaterialGirlAllDay

It is not my experience that able boys above the age of 8 are using women’s changing rooms.

It is my experience that disabled boys are using facilities occasionally where no disabled or family change is available - usually small hotel pools, spas, and small private gyms.

I would also argue that people are concerned relative to sexual assault if a young boy is going into an adult space to undress by himself.

I don’t think either of these issues are a separate issue from the main conversation, because obviously they are the main underlying reasons why a boy 8+ would be in a female changing room.

It is my experience that disabled boys are using facilities occasionally where no disabled or family change is available - usually small hotel pools, spas, and small private gyms.

Then the family cannot use that facility if they cannot meet the needs of the child. The default position should not be "oh there is no accessible facilities no matter we will just use the female changing area".

Legally they have to make facilities available for disabled people.

There is no point trying to explain nuance, or structural issues on this thread- the posters are on a wind up. At least one is currently on a different thread arguing the exact opposite point (under the same name).

They are just enjoying the sound of their own voice and a chance to be ableist from the safety of their keyboard.

They are just enjoying the sound of their own voice and a chance to be ableist from the safety of their keyboard.

It is not ablest to expect female spaces to be free of males over a certain age. What about our disabled daughters? Why do disabled sons take priority?

Sound of their own voices…

I’m flabbergasted at the number of posters who think an 8 year old boy is akin to an adult male. I understand that GIRLS may want privacy, in the same way as boys do (my son insists I shield him with a towel when he’s getting changed) but expecting an 8 year old boy to fend for themselves,
alone, naked, in a changing room of ADULT MEN. I’m happy to send my DS to change with other BOYS, as I’ve mentioned I do for his swimming lessons, but I refuse to send a child who could be vulnerable into an adult male changing room.

Sound of their own voices…

I could say the same to you given your constant posts on this thread.

It's interesting that you would rather attempt a pathetic insult than address the question of the rights of disabled daughters...

@MaterialGirlAllDay

The main caregiver is usually the mother.

The disabled daughter is usually the same biological sex as the mother… so there is no issue with her being with her mother in the same changing room.

Relative to disabled boys, usually what will happen if a designated disabled space or unisex facility is not available is that either the mother will make a judgement call to take him into the ladies change - most would say to the ladies present first. Or she will ask management to clear the ladies change for a short period or find another space for them. This is making an accommodation, or making space for a disabled person to access facilities.

If anyone complains about it and gets them ejected from the facilities and they take it to court they stand a good chance under equality law of winning the case. Then the gym or pool has to make changes and pay out.

The disabled daughter is usually the same biological sex as the mother… so there is no issue with her being with her mother in the same changing room.

Spectacularly missing the point.
Don't our disabled daughters deserve male free space?
If a venue does not cater for the needs of a disabled boy then the default is not to invade the female space. Sadly it will mean not using the venue. The boy has no right to be in the female space why do you think his needs trump those of a disabled girl?

It's interesting that you would rather attempt a pathetic insult than address the question of the rights of disabled daughters...

It doesn’t matter what I say to you- you will ignore it, and later misrepresent me while claiming you ‘missed’ my posts.

I’ve repeatedly said women only spaces should be women only, and you have ignored that and claimed I’ve written something totally different.

I could copy and paste the examples but I can’t be bothered- there are plenty within the last few pages for people to check if they want to.

You are not acting in good faith.

@MaterialGirlAllDay

The disabled girl has a right to access facilities where she and mother are free to change in a risk free environment where needs are met.

Same for disabled boy (who is no risk).

Honestly, I have been in the position of moving out of the way, into a cubicle, waiting outside or simply waiting to allow an older disabled boy and mother to change - it’s called making an accommodation - and I’ve done it both before and after I became a mother myself.

I wish you all the luck with your arguing, wherever you wish to argue. But I can assure you this one is not one you can win here or legally. Take care.

&But I can assure you this one is not one you can win here or legally.*

Actually it is. The male child if above the venues accepted age has no legal right to access the female space and there is no law that says he does. The venue does need to provide provisions for him but that does not include males in female spaces.

Do you shield your boys eyes from the females? Or is it only his need not to be seen you're concerned about? Do you send him straight out as soon as he's dressed or let him sit watching? Does he sit with a device that could be recording even if he never would....the females don't know him or what he could be playing with including smart watches.

@jannier

I know the comment wasn’t directed at me but to reiterate, my son is yet to turn 8.

Already I have him face the wall with eyes closed, or, if I need a bit more time I may give him my phone to watch cartoons… in the direction he is facing the only thing he could record is his own feet.

When he turned 6 I bought him a towelling poncho type thing to give him privacy and dignity in changing rooms - nobody, male/female/adult/child can see his private parts and to be honest I think everybody should be doing the same for themselves and children if getting undressed in an open space to preserve their own dignity. I certainly manage to wrap a towel round myself when changing. Most places have cubicles though and are unisex.

I don't think anyone should have a phone out to be fair. Facing a wall or not....selfie mode and holding up a possibility etc.
Unfortunately quite a few spas don't have cubicles and only one toilet....not that it's nice changing on a soaking floor from people who've dived to the loo from the pool.
Many of us struggle to dress under a towel and are not able to go bra less so shoving a top on a wet body because you can't dry properly isn't an option. I pay a lot to go into a spa why should I be worrying about an 8 year old who shouldn't be in there?
At a time when even 8 year olds are taking part in assaulting others and taking photos to share we all need protecting

I would not be thrilled to see a young lad on a phone in the ladies changing rooms no.

@Kitesinthesky Totally unreasonable to expect people to dry and dress underneath towels. This is not Victorian England.

@NoisySnail

Women can be paedophiles too and I want to protect my child…. Thankfully most places have cubicles or disabled change.

@jannier

Most proper spas do not have anything available for children.

If you go to a leisure centre that has some beauty treatments/massages available that’s a scenario, they may call it spa, but usually the price point is about 30% cheaper to account for the different service.

Relative to kid on phone, I am trying to keep him calm and in one place. He has the mental capacity of a 5 year old so is not aware of how to take/upload photos. And it is MY phone, I am not going to be doing that either.

If I am somewhere that doesn’t provide disabled or family facilities, I will ask ladies present if any issue boys presence, if there is then I ask the staff to clear a changing room, male or female to allow child to change, simple as that.

All large changing facilities are unisex.

I completely agree, phones are something I always call out if I see them in changing rooms, I’ve seen other people do it as well, I saw one guy who rather than calling out the phone said “put your camera away” which actually is exactly what it is.

It still doesn’t excuse someone using a camera in a room where both adults and children are undressing. No one should be using any device with a camera in a changing room.

It's a bizarre lack of boundaries. I don't think that people who do this have ever given a passing thought to anything other than whatever strikes them as most convenient for them in the moment.

Do you know what @Simonjt

Unless you are in a changing room with me or the manager of a facility I am trying to access I don’t have to agree with or care about your point of view.

My concern is ensuring my child can access facilities the same as any other child of the same age, that they can do so safely and that either accessible facilities are provided or reasonable adjustments made to make sure he is kept safe.

Stopping him from running off, slipping, and hurting himself is important and a device can help to keep him in one place when he is overstimulated by bright light, noise, temperature changes and other sensory issues.

At no point are me or my child remotely interested in harming or upsetting anyone else and on the rare occasions that we have had to use single sex facilities we have received nothing but kindness and support from both the women in the change and the management.