Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

I know and I do understand how hard it is. As I said I have a disabled son too. Threads like this do get me thinking a lot.

It was interesting not so long ago when there was a thread about a man taking his daughter in to the women’s so that his daughter didn’t have to go in to the men’s. There were quite a few posters on here who agreed that the man was in the right because he was seen as protecting his daughter and circumstances like that are acceptable. So a grown arsed man is allowed in there “as a one off“ apparently. Mind boggles. They’re either allowed in there or they’re not.

The fear of your child being abused in a toilet/changing room is real. My son is 7 and his dad takes him to swimming lessons every week, and is also the one to take him to the toilet when we're out and about, but I'd take him in the ladies still if I had to. So if I saw an 8/9 year old in a changing room, as the mother of a son I'd get it. But by 11 they should be in the mens and getting changed in front of him would have made me uncomfortable too.

Maybe this will be the turning point for the mother and your complaint will make her think and realise it's time for her son to go in the mens, even if she was offended at the time.

Don’t try and make sense of it-

there is a poster on this thread that is on another thread I’m on at the moment.

Here they are arguing aggressively that ‘no male in female spaces ever under any circumstance- even if they are a disabled child’

on the other thread they are arguing that trans women are women and should be treated as such, be given access to female spaces filled with vulnerable women- even if the trans woman is a convicted rapist 🤷‍♀️.

Mumsnet isn’t real life, happily. It’s entertainment for people on the wind up.

there is a poster on this thread that is on another thread I’m on at the moment.

Bad form.
Do not bring other threads across this is not our battle.

A) I don't have a disabled child.
B) please stop pretending I've said things I haven't said or believe things I don't believe!

A lot of black and white thinking on this thread.

I’m not going to name the poster or the thread, I’m just responding to the poster I quoted who pointed out how inconsistent mumsnet is on various topics,

one reason is that some people use it to argue any point of contention (which obviously they can- there is nothing about being consistent in the talk guidelines).

But OP's friend did raise it with the mum. And she basically said he was in there because he has a right to be because he is 11. So she had every right to complain to management.

I actually think it's completely appropriate for people to go straight to management. First of all if they are aware of the situation and have made this decision as the reasonable accomodations they can explain that to the person. Secondly, it will hopefully make them understand the need to make appropriate provision for such situations. Not just for disabled people but also single parents with a preteen of the opposite gender. Finally, it avoids what could be several people asking a presumably busy mum to explain why their son is in the female changing room. I would think the last thing someone in that position needs is to have to justify their presence potentially multiple times.

Completely fair post @Matronic6

I wasn’t speaking about OP specifically, but being in that situation.

Personally, I would like someone to ask me, but I take your point that to be asked 10x would be a bit much.

And I agree with you that other people going to management gets action, usually more quickly too!!

Was my post directed at you?
Again was my post directed at you?

Yes there is a lot of female only space thinking on this thread...what is your problem with that?

Yes, it was!

It is very tricky, my DS is 8 and has DCD. He changes on his own in the “men’s” at his swimming lessons, because the pool isn’t open to the public for general swimming at the time so it’s only other kids of all ages having lessons. But I wouldn’t feel comfortable sending him into the Men’s alone at a big standard leisure centre where any men could be. He’s young for his age and would strike up a conversation with strangers.

I do understand not wanting boys in the Ladies though. When he comes with me into the Ladies we always go to a cubicle. A lot of swimming baths have family changing these days which is much better.

The woman was wrong OP, she shouldn’t have been rude to you. But a boy (and yes, it’s a boy we’re talking about), especially one who could have SEN, could be very vulnerable in a Men’s changing room alone,

Two boys have been assaulted at your gym, not caught, and you still send your 8 year old in alone?

How does the family changing work if you have for example a 12 year old boy and a 13 year old girl. Not sure either of them would be wanting to stei off in front of their sibling

No, read my OP again. One assaulted at my gym and another at a council gym.

He is also 9, not 8, and according to this thread, he’s most likely to be perving at all the females changing hence he has to change in the men's and face the very real risk of being vulnerable, in various states of undress, with strange adult males instead.

But he’s a young boy and he doesn’t matter eh. One day some women on this thread will have grandsons and let’s see how readily they encourage their now-adult DD’s to boot them into the men’s changing rooms as soon as they are 8yo.

The answer lies in laws to protect the safeguarding of children so that premises that provides activities for them where they must change their clothing to also provide mixed sex family changing rooms.

In my gym kids of 7 & above need to get changed in the changing room matching their 6.

There is no family change or unisex so DS has been going to the men's alone since his 7th birthday.

I chatted to him about stranger danger as it's just a group changing room

Then the gym needs to safeguard their users better. Are you saying this is a women's problem to solve?

Read my earlier response to the poster.

Read my earlier response to the poster.

I have read it and do not see why that entitles males to access female spaces.

Women don't think a 9 yo is serving on them so stop trying to shame us.

We are protecting our 9 yo girls who are in a FEMALE space and in that FEMALE space our 9 yo girls are entitled to not have 9 yo boys present.

If male spaces are dangerous for other males then more needs to he done to protect them. The answer is not default to female spaces. We are not cannon fodder!!

Bloody hell give it a rest. It’s like a broken record. Everyone has heard what you have said here.

Who is this directed at?

You love.

You have a nerve.

You have tried along with 2 others to make this thread all about you and your issues. My contributions match yours so maybe take your own advice love.

Nasty. I agree with Material girl who has made perfectly fair and reasonable points. Everyone has heard your views that weren’t even relevant to the issue raised but off on a tangent.

You have been repeating yourself for pages, with nothing new to say. It’s boring. We all heard you the first 8 times you said it.

🤷‍♀️ you agree with what she says others don’t. The discussion became tangential (not started by me btw)- that’s how these things go- conversations move on, change, circle round. I’m sorry if you don’t like that, but its totally normal.