Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

@MyMotherThouArt she said he is too scared to change by himself and no longer goes yes, I get that but @Mrbumpssmile is trying to defend males over 8 transgressing boundaries which is the least feminist position I can think of. Radical feminists believe that society is basically patriarchal. Nothing is more patriarchal than believing women and girls do not have right to spaces free of males.

👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Every poster who has said ‘but but but my child is special, my child would never etc’ is teaching him that his wishes trumps those of females. What kind of example are you setting by saying the rules don’t apply to him? Because he’s mummy’s special little prince who can do what the hell he likes?

You are teaching him he can do what he wants, he is above the rules, creating an entitled man who does not respect women and their rights, which quite frankly is a danger to women.

That’s funny coming from someone who is accusing a poster of doing something she has explicitly said she doesn’t do- why don’t you read the words that a written?!

though I understand some are, so won't be taking my child swimming now he's 11, as he's too scared to go by himself to change around strangers, unfortunately.

@Mrbumpssmile has said she won’t take her 11 year old into the women’s changing room.

Where is she doing that?

She has made the point that all children need to be protected from predatory adults, so appropriate changing rooms should be provided.

that applies at 8. At 11, he goes into the mens.

I think you've got the wrong person.

Well, I thought it was agreed a safe space for families to change in is what's required, not sending children alone into the men's changing rooms!!

I was responding to comments made about boys, though, so that's why. If claims had been made about girls' sexual behaviours or how they ought to be able to go alone to change with strangers, I would have defended them. Mainly, if you notice, I've used the word "child," as I believe children of both sexes need protection and safe changing areas.

No one has denied that and there's plenty of nuance. If there are plenty of mothers concerned about changing facilities for boys aged 8-14 then there needs to be dialogue with establishments about family spaces with cubicles. I don't see any other solution given they can't go in the ladies.

Family changing areas with cubicles need to be seen as essential for leisure centres it seems based on the feedback from this thread.

Plenty of posters have denied it- posters have called it infantilising of boys to have these concerns, claimed there aren’t naked men in the male changing room, pointed out that not all men are paedophiles so no one needs to worry about those that are, said there aren’t any 8 year olds that would struggle to change and organise themselves alone, said it’s safe for boys because their mum is outside the door and flat out said it isn’t a risk.

Its stupid.

Boys shouldn’t be in female spaces AND boys should be protected- these two things are of equal importance- there should be better changing facilities, that is the only solution.

It's not actually spiteful to be a loving mother whose child is anxious about going to undress alone in a large room full of adult men who are all strangers, so keeping her child with her

You excused women who do this. You are part of the problem.

Another poster who is more interested in shouting the odds online than actually engaging in a discussion that could help change people’s behaviour.

We want all children to be safeguarded ….please fight for a safe space for your son please don’t default to using the easy space - females.

Shout from the roof tops, male are predatory and I don’t wish my son to be at risk. Using the female space is teaching my sons to break rules and risks making young girls who are already hugely uncomfortable & vulnerable. I wish for my son to be respectful to other girls (his peers) and him to be safe.

Stop making it easy for the centres - you’re removing the issue by just defaulting to use the female space.

Nowhere did I say that 1/3 of 11 year olds pose a threat to women. It's not about labelling your child, it's about basic safeguarding and risk assessment. It's not about you knowing that your child is immature and lovely because I don't know any of that and just see a male body in a female space. It's not about grown women being scared of children. Girls shouldn't have to undress in front of an 11 year old boy (who may well be at their SECONDARY school). If you had a daughter would she/you want her male classmate to see her getting changed? If a school forced year 7 pupils to get changed together there'd be complaints. Why are parents who do this expecting to be an exception?
PP have already commented about seeing a boy on his phone, boys staring and mothers being too busy to notice or care what they're doing. Taking one photo of another child in that changing room is a criminal offence. It's not fair to the boy to put him in that position.
Yes, there should be more family spaces.
However unpalatable you find it there are unfortunately a very small number of children who pose a risk to other children and many of their parents are as shocked as you would be when they're presented with the evidence. Come back to me after you've worked with a 9 year old boy who sexually assaults toddlers, can't be prosecuted because he's below the age of criminal responsibility and there's a year long waiting list to get the psychological help he so desperately needs.

I think your friend was batshit confronting the mum while in the swimming pool to be honest. Talk about causing a scene. It’s no wonder the mum got cross. While I agree that in most cases an 11 year old boy should be in the men’s changing rooms, I don’t think going up to the mum 10/20 minutes later to tell her off is going to achieve much apart from like I said - cause a scene.

Can’t believe this thread is still going.

It’s pointless because mums of boys are more inconvenienced by not using facilities and campaigning than by nicking the female spaces, so of course that’s what they’re going to do.

It’s like wheelchair spaces on buses. The period of inconvenience is short enough that they don’t care about permanent change as long as they don’t have disruption to their routine.

And if anyone complains about it, they’ll suggest you’re sexualising children and don’t care about kids being assaulted, even if you are in fact an adult who WAS assaulted as a kid (which is irrelevant to them cos were a girl).

Society is just very selfish these days and a MN thread isn’t going to do shit. Boy mums gonna boymum.

Her friend was absolutely right here.
"Causing a scene" go you for minimising the transgression of boundaries.

I would have done the same.

@Snowypony

Maybe the father was in the gym while children in pool with Mum.

Maybe they receive the membership or a discount due to work or friends and family affiliation.

Maybe they don’t drive and/or don’t want to travel 10 miles into town.

Maybe, it’s none of your business as to why children were there.

If the gym allows them in the pool, they are allowed to be there.

The only thing you can complain about is the boy being in women’s changing room over the age that is allowed by this gym.

Other than that, if you want to go to a gym that is just for adults, pay for a gym that is just for adults.

No, it's not funny, and I haven't 'accused' anyone of doing something, they are blatantly doing it.
Next.
(Maybe you need to read the words too).

Are you describing yourself?

@fitzwilliamdarcy
Boy mums gonna boymum.

Except many boy mums do not behave in this entitled way.

Definitely inappropriate and shoddy response from the Mum, 8 is definitely the “accepted” standard for this sort of thing and if she can’t trust her son to change on his own or wants to be with him then they need to use a family changing room or go to the facility with a trusted male adult.

@prinny this is ludicrous.

For a boy with disability the only reason he would be in a changing room with his mother where it is inappropriate to be there is because the facilities provided are accessible for disabled people.

Usually this occurs as a once off, if facilities are not as specified or some other issue.

I can assure you the parent is not bringing up a little Prince or whatever. It’s a completely uncomfortable situation for all involved and not remotely what the parent of a disabled child would want in the slightest.

The amount of admin involved just to be able to do a percentage of what able children do is ridiculous.

I can assure you if I am ever in this position it will not be through choice but desperation to stop my child being assaulted, injured or killed.

Which, I’m sorry, is more of a problem that someone having an issue with my child standing facing the wall with his eyes closed while I change him and myself. (My child is not yet 8, but I already do this to avoid issues with people who have no comprehension).

Honestly. The issue is not parents of disabled children - it is the lack of appropriate facilities. Thankfully most places will have somewhere safe now. But sometimes you get caught out.

Of course not, but far too many do - hence the length of this thread.