Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

There haven't been many suggesting that, though I think where there are it's partly due to different ideas or experience of preteens: some 9-11 year old boys are more developed or aware than others, so mothers with smaller boys who are less pubescent are imagining all boys like theirs. Whereas some at that age can be a bit less sweet and naive.

Umm, not 100%, as I and no females I've asked are remotely bothered by male children being nearby while we change (in fact, it's quite normal)

I’m 40 and I don’t give a fuck who is there but you don’t get to decide for my daughter that she will feel the same. Thankfully we use a pool that agrees with me and I’d be backed up if a child over 8 was in the wrong sex changing rooms.

What about the (most likely) numerous girls aged under 11 in there. By your flawed logic they deserve more protection than the 11 yo boy?

He shouldn't be in there. If there are inadequate facilities for him he needs to go elsewhere or his parents campaign for better changing facilities for boys 8-13.

@Mrbumpssmile consent is not transferable. You might be not bothered about males in your changing area, but plenty of women and girls are.

You are teaching your DS that the boundary of women and girls are not as important as your DS.

You are bringing up another over entitled male.

Whilst attacks may be unpleasant, the mothers in those cases do need it spelling out to them in a robust way albeit more polite. No buts, boys over 8 should not be in female changing rooms. Any knock on effect is a separate issue for that boys parents to discuss with the provider of the facilities.

I'm not sure where you get that idea from. (Very funny, in fact, considering my 11 year old considers himself a radical feminist.)

But to be honest, I do think the attitude of sending a male child to join the men without discussion of the sociopolitical context and discussion about the sexist culture they might come across is more likely to perpetuate the problem of sexism. It's important to teach a male child to be cautious and explaining that females (and males) need be aware of the risks of toxic masculinity, sexism and the othering of the opposite sex even in apparently trivial ways is part of a wider evil.

No I'm not. What a weird accusation.

The male child has no right to be in female changing regardless of what the issues associated with the male changing are. An alternative 'safer' for the boys option cannot be making it harder/worse for the girls/women.

We need to be teaching children - male and female - that female safe spaces are just that. To have women deciding their older children dont need to respect this is sending very mixed messages about appropriate boundaries and behaviour.

ds is 14, due to his needs he still needs help with changing and will do for the foreseeable future. From the age of about 7 I stopped taking him into ladies changing areas and toilets both for his own dignity and for the dignity of females using the facilities. It makes things harder and means I need to plan in advance but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do it.

You are.
You just don't see it.

Even your response 8 mins ago @Mrbumpssmile, is dismissive of women. It talks about the stage of development of the BOYS. When that doesn't matter at all. What matters in the girls changing room is...the girls.
Your response to whether you are dismissive of girls or not, dismissed girls completely by not even mentioning them.

I didn't decide anything for your daughter! Strange misreading.

You are making conclusions based on you not being bothered, that's taking someone else's choice away.

Bringing up my son to be a radical feminist is making him an entitled male? Interesting.

No she isn’t since she has made clear numerous times that she doesn’t take her son in the ladies.

@MyMotherThouArt
i agree 100% we put our own children first regardless of sex. i have two teen girls and a 2 year old boy. Both myself and my girls would not be comfortable with him going to the men's at 9 years old..my 16 year old daughter just would not allow him out of her sight she's a mother hen. I understand young teen girls being horribly uncomfortable so there needs to be a solution to benefit all

Dismissing girls isn't bringing him up to be a radical feminist.
You're repeatedly dismissing girls.

No, she isn’t. She is just making the point that boy children need to be protected from predatory adults in the same way girl children do.

There is a serious lack of nuance in the thinking of posters on this thread.

Thanks for that random, judgmental, assuming, and meaningless input.

You drew a conclusion and behave accordingly bringing your 11 year old son into female spaces based on the fact you and the selection of people you’ve asked aren’t bothered. It’s not a misread, you are treading all over the right of other women and girls to change without older boys being there.

But the way to do that isn’t to trample over women’s rights to a safe space.

He's clearly not a radical.feminist, and neither are you, if you are allowing him into female only spaces.

It's kind of astonishing you can make that argument with a straight face.

The swim parkas look perfectly decent, so would be a good winter option, even on public transport. However, DS is very well versed at changing his swim shorts under a towel and then hopping on his bike. Not showering at the pool is yet to cause significant harm.
The options available to tween boys are

• use the male changerooms
• swap out swim shorts for undies under a towel at the pool and then shower at home
• pop on a swim parka and shower at home
• only swim at places with family facilities

Using the women’s change room is not and should not be an option.

I suggest actually reading the words people write.
Next.

She isn’t! She doesn’t bring her son into the women’s spaces because she knows people are uncomfortable with it- these posters just haven’t bothered to actually read her comments.