Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Clearly you aren’t very observant.

Yep I 100% agree. They’ve been enabled by their mothers to believe their wants trump anyone else but of course their little darling could never do no wrong…

So much spite towards children!

Just for further info

children are allowed at this gym but literally only the pool, there are no kids swimming lessons. No kids gym classes. Kids can’t use the gym equipment till 16. Can’t use an adults only section of the pool - houses sauna, jacuzzi and steam room plus loads of sofas. The bar doesn’t have a kids menu. The gym is out of town in a rural area about 10 miles from nearest town!

it’s not the nearest local pool. There are plenty of those in town including David Lloyd if you want a family friendly club (similar cost to this one as we were members when dd was younger - she’s now over 16)

professional athletes train at the gym from the local football cricket and rugby clubs but only Mon - Fri till about 4 so the kids aren’t coming to see their local heros

its not there is no choice other than to go to this gym. Honestly why anyone would want to bring their kid to it astounds me as it really isn’t child friendly at all - there are loads around that are!

Nobody I know has a car, so it would mean buses and/or tubes and crowded streets in a robe thing, but probably ok in summer. I think, really, providing changing rooms for families with preteens is the answer.

Off the point, but I'm finding the whole showering business bemusing. Who on earth has children who want to/agree to shower after swimming?!

Or simply pointing out that male children should not be in female only spaces once they are over the allowed age.

Child.safety over adult feelings? Such bollocks.

Part of the problem is this massive disconnect between what is genuinely risky behaviour. So many women are so terrified of men in pool changung rooms. I get it instinctively but realistically, 5 minutes in a busy changing room is not exactly sending your child into the pits of hell. It's a lot harder for some dodgy man to target and do something to a child in this situation than many many others. The risk is very small. Football club, family and friends, school are far riskier.

Meanwhile it is 100% certain that women and girls will be scared, intimidated or uncomfortable with 11 year old boys in their space.

Well mine usually didn't mind - if you swim/train several times a week, and he did one or the other from quite young, not rinsing all that chlorine off properly soon makes you itch!

I agree, so much spite bringing boys into female areas, completely disregarding the feelings of the women and girls who are actually entitled to use that area safely.

It's not actually spiteful to be a loving mother whose child is anxious about going to undress alone in a large room full of adult men who are all strangers, so keeping her child with her.

It's very, very weird to pretend that love, care and perhaps some anxiety, probably combined with the stress of coordinating a number of children at a busy pool all at once while trying to get undressed yourself, has anything to do with spite!

(And, by the way, although it's unpleasant and not ok to be stared at by a child of the opposite sex, it isn't actually dangerous.)

Umm, not 100%, as I and no females I've asked are remotely bothered by male children being nearby while we change (in fact, it's quite normal), though I understand some are, so won't be taking my child swimming now he's 11, as he's too scared to go by himself to change around strangers, unfortunately.

Why are you making up bizarre lies and fantasies about me? Gosh.

This is the problem with these arguments- it is as risky for an 8/9 year old boy in the men’s changing room alone as it is for a woman/girl to have a boy in the room with his mum.

Both things are actually low risk of danger, higher risk of embarrassment/discomfort.

It isn’t necessary to downplay the risk of predatory men to boy children to make the point that female spaces are for females.

The problem is predatory men- they are a danger to women and all children, therefore women and all children should be provided with sensible changing spaces.

“It isn’t actually dangerous”, well that’s okay then. I’ll just tell 12 year old DD to know her place because she isn’t under threat being stared at naked.

This thread is a fascinating insight in to how people don't actually want to solutions, they shut off their ears and repeat their own narrative.

'No boys in female changing rooms after 8'
'But, safety'
'Ok, here's some solutions to keep him safe'
'But, blah blah blah, safety' (and carries on dismissing girls)

Where I live there is actually a pool with a family changing room...but I don't go there, because the few times I did they were far away from other customers or any staff, and empty except for the occasional man wandering and peering round the cubicles!

If you’re okay with teaching your child he can disregard the feelings of females and do what he wants that speaks volumes about you.

Indeed. It doesn’t bother me at swimming anymore than on the beach or at the lake where there are no changing rooms or toilets at all- I don’t take ds in there though purely because it bothers other women/girls.

I've not read any messages here dismissive of girls at all. Just lots agreeing we need safe changing rooms for pre teen boys, then a few unpleasant ones attacking preteen boys and their mothers.

Many girls are bothered and it's not quite normal, in the UK, to have 11 year olds of the opposite sex changing together.
I'm sorry your 11 year old is scared but that doesn't mean he should be allowed access to female only spaces.

@Mrbumpssmile
Taking an over 8 year old boy in to the female changing room, which many many mothers have admitted to on this thread, is literally the action of dismissing girls.

Agree with this. I’m 45 and don’t get a shit about my body anymore and if anyone was staring at my body they would either get a hardy stare back or I’d tell them to stop being so fucking rude depending on how menopausal I am that day.

I also have a DS and he is not allowed in female only spaces because 1. other females maybe uncomfortable 2. boys need to learn boundaries and 3. IT’S A FEMALE ONLY SPACE.

Every post suggesting boys should be allowed in female changing areas is dismissive of women and girls.