Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

I’d be in favour of gyms going back to being adult only spaces which would solve the problem! Otherwise of course you’re not unreasonable because he shouldn’t have been in the female changing space. It’s really up to the parent to sort an alternative if they feel unhappy. Open changing is probably safer than cubicles tbh although I think it’s fair to point out that the vast majority of men are not actually paedophiles and it’s perhaps unfair to insinuate that’s the case. If I was the parent I’d just get the child changed under a hooded towel or dryrobe pool side or in a corridor. If the child is unable to dress themselves at 8 I think you’d be perfectly justified in using the disabled facilities

In your opinion it's true 99% of the time, but as I said, moving on.

I’m always amazed that boys over 9 are willing to go into the female changing areas with their mothers, mine would have been mortified. However, I’ve not been ok with sending him to male change rooms either, so he has to suffer through drying off, popping a t-shirt on and then wearing a swim parka home and showering and changing there. If we have to go straight out he has changed his pants in the back of the car. He has so far survived the injustice and cruelty of not being able to change at the pool. It surprises me when mother’s of sons think they get to trample all over the female spaces, even though it could be highly embarrassing for young girls. Fair enough if parents don’t feel comfortable them using the male room. The solution then is that the princes are inconvenienced by changing later or doing the old under the towel change. It seems really important to not teach young men they can go wherever they want.

Child safety over adult feelings.

My kid is 10 and I would send him into the men's if they had cubicles. He wouldnt want to come into the women's.

But if you are saying that the women's have no cubicles, and so I assume the men's also have no cubicles, then I would bring him into the ladies because he is at risk getting naked infront of random men. Adult women can either feel uncomfortable or wait until he's gone to get changed. Id make him wait until younger girls were gone if they were in there or face the wall or something.

Really there should be family change or cubicles so this is a none thing.

What 11 year old girl is going to want to change in a changing room in front of an 11 year old boy? It would basically exclude many girls.

But your son doesn’t HAVE to change at the pool. Mine has swum competitively and 4-5 times a week and has managed to survive either changing at home or changing under a towel. Sure, it’s a tad more annoying for him but he is not allowed to trample over women’s spaces.

@Universalsnail so the 10 year old girls can't change then?
No way will they change in front of a 10 year old boy and I would not expect them to. Totally inappropriate.

@Universalsnail - I don't think there is ever a justification, within a female sex dedicated space, that the feelings of fear you have for your one child, trumps every female child and adult. You have a safety concern? Then find a solution that does not minimise the feelings (and risks) of every other female no matter their age because your boy is more important.....

I am saying I do not think older boys should be in girls changing rooms. Totally inappropriate.

I was at a busy motorway service station recently

There were 2 or 3 boys, aged probably 8, 9, 10
Bending down & looking under the toilet doors which did not touch the ground.
They were obviously waiting for someone

This is also not appropriate behaviour in a female space & I am a pretty easy going person

My primary school had a swimming pool on site
We had no parents there to get us changed
We managed from a young age with no issues

Your 10 YO boy is fine in the men's. There will probably be lots of boys (& under 8 girls) with Dads there, and probably a few other unaccompanied boys too. He might see and be seen by other people, but he can practice changing under a towel if that bothers him.

I send my 10YO girl into the women's changing rooms on the assumption that other people are following the rules and older boys are kept out. I would be really annoyed if they said one of their male classmates was there having been taken in by his mum.

There. Are. Other. Options. Available.

Rather than automatically dismissing girls feelings.

No wonder we have so so many entitled men about. This is where it starts.

This thread has made me decide to up my effort to speak up if ever I see a male over 8 in the females. I'm just so fed up of entitled people doing whatever they want and sod anyone else. And, as always, it's girls that have to move.

Their mummies will be on soon defending their right to looks at girls and women using the toilet.

Of course he should have been in the men's changing room. His mum is a cf and giving me the wrong lesson. I can't believe some of the mums who here who say it's ok. Re those with a child who requires help that's something you need to discuss with the gym, pool and find a solution but should not be in the ladies changing room with young girls or woman. They need their safe space. Over 8 go into men's changing room

And girls his age? They're supposed to happily undress in front of a male?
Your son should not be in there.

This is really difficult. I'm a mother of 2 boys and often take them swimming alone at my local pool.

There is one family cubicle which is usually being used by families with small babies because it has a changing table in it.

There are cubicles in the female changing room, but DS would have to walk through the changing area and shower area to get to them. He would also have to use the showers in the female changing area as there are none poolside.

I'm not sure if the set up in the male changing room, I'll have to check with DH but I think they're the same.

I don't think I'd feel comfortable sending DS into the male changing room alone. He's nearly 7, so maybe I'll feel differently in another 12 months, but I doubt it. We do send him in alone when they go for swimming lessons (DH just checks on him but he showers and changes independently).

I definitely appreciate other girls feeling uncomfortable with older male children around though and wouldn't want to add to this. I guess I'll just find an alternative pool for the few years that I feel he's too young to be alone in the men's but too old to be with me in the ladies. My younger son is nearly 5, so I imagine by the time he's 8 I'll feel happier sending them both into the men's changing room together as older DS will be 10 by then.

It's a shame though. The solution is that my local pool should improve the changing facilities to a changing village style set up with ample decent sized cubicles for all, but I can't see that happening any time soon as it's pretty run down.

I do feel though that mum's of boys get a pretty hard time in this debate though. Whilst I understand and agree with the point mum's of girls are making, it does make me sad that mum's like me have to make the choice of either sending their 8 year old child into an unknown room of potentially naked strangers or don't used the swimming pool which is on our doorstep.

Nobody is saying it isn't harder for boy mums at times (teen boy mum here, so been through it). Taking our boys into the ladies changing would be making life much harder for all the females in there though, including younger or teenage girls, and potentially for our sons. It also sends out the message that we don't value women's spaces.
I hope you find a solution that works though, and will reiterate that most of us do understand your dilemma.

I do feel though that mum's of boys get a pretty hard time in this debate though. Whilst I understand and agree with the point mum's of girls are making, it does make me sad that mum's like me have to make the choice of either sending their 8 year old child into an unknown room of potentially naked strangers or don't used the swimming pool which is on our doorstep.

I am the mum of a boy and a girl and in no way feel like I am having a hard time. The ones that do are the ones who believe their boys take priority over girls & take their over age sons in to the female changing rooms.

If the local pools provisions are so inadequate for boys then these mums need to complain/campaign for better.

Don't worry @hellogood, all you have to do if you're not comfortable with the men's is get a towelling robe. Your son puts it on poolside, walks quickly through the mens, and showers at home. Yes, not as ideal as changing facilities that suit all, but if you're not comfortable with the general society rules of over 8, and as you recognise going in the ladies is not the answer (Well done for that, many mums of boys dgaf), and assuming his dad can't take him - it's a solution left which doesn't just default to 'sod the girls, they can shove over) like many people do.

If I caught an 11 year old boy staring at my daughter in a female changing room out of curiosity I would say what needed to be said to ensure he never did it again.
We are going backwards with regards to women's and girls spaces though as another stated, this thread is better than most. The last one was full of boy mums insisting their teenage boys were entitled to use female changing rooms. We are getting fed up and rightly so.
Please teach your young boys to respect womens and girls privacy. 8 is perfect. I do not know a single NT 11 year old boy who would not be mortified with going into the girls changing room with mummy. If your NT 11 year old boy isn't mortified, then this is a sign that it's time to teach boundaries AND independence.

And the safety (psychologically and physically) of girls? What about their rights?

Aka female children?

wow. And no, “facing the wall” definitely isn’t enough.

make him get changed in a toilet stall. Or wear his swimming trunks under his regular clothes. Bring a dry robe for afterwards.
or complain to the staff about insufficient facilities.

but don’t just sacrifice women’s spaces!

Has it ever occured to mothers like this, that a pre-teen girl may feel in this situation the same way we as adult women would if a man was getting changed in the womens room?

I posted yesterday and am disappointed that so many posters are excusing their rights to bring their sons with them into female only spaces. Have you forgotten how awkward it is to be a prepubescent female?