Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Yep 11 is way, way too old. 8 is the age at the pool I use for children to use the changing room of the correct sex. If I had an 8 year old who needed help and couldn’t go with a parent of the same sex I’d choose a facility with family cubicles.

Yes, @Mrbumpssmile you travel home in one. A dry robe is towel on the inside, then like a big coat. You put it on straight over your cossie, poolside if you wish, then go straight home. Shower etc at home. They became the norm in lock down for swim clubs as we weren't allowed to change at the pool.

@Nottodaty lots of children don’t have dads available to take them swimming. My DC’s dad is dead so it’s not possible.

I've seen them, not sure they're ideal for travelling on tubes and buses, but could give it a go.

Well it's the same ones isn't it?!? It's the same parents who can't leave a 12 yo for two minutes who bring that same child in to the wrong sex changing room.

These boys taught to and encourage to stare at women and girls in changing rooms, I wouldn’t be surprised if they are likely the ones who find it appropriate to pressure girlfriends into nude photos, and be coersive around sex. After all they have been raised to believe they had a right over womens bodies by their parents.

Of course, lots of people do follow rules.

So, we're back to you missing the point.

Sorry to hear that.
It's still not a reason to take a male into a female area (not sure if you're trying to suggest that or not, I'm thinking probably not).

I guess you are probably right to be honest.

Once again the real issue here is not really young boys in dressing rooms. It’s that society can never be sure that anyone is safe from men

It is a reason to have suitable provision for children to get changed safely, though.

You are missing the point for reasons I don't understand. The mums on this thread who state their sons will be using female changing rooms do not mention their complaints to the venue so my original post was based on that.

Why are you focusing on that and not the violation of female boundaries?

Definitely!
Suitable provision for children to be as safe as possible* while not taking away female (or male) only spaces.

• I say as safe as possible because we all know that many children actually know their abusers and so keeping them away from strangers isn't the only issue.

This is always a tricky one- most pools have a policy of no over 8 males in woman's change spaces. Women deserve to feel comfortable and safe in their change rooms, and that shouldn't be trumped. If there is not adequate facilities in a families chosen place to swim (because swimming lessons and location are a choice) then they need to organise a way to do it that doesn't compromise women's safety and comfort- use toilets, dry robes etc or family change swimming centres. One woman and her older child shouldn't have the priority over the majority of women with a 'be kind and be a village mentality' when multiple women are potentially affected with their habits and comfort for the sake of 1 family. I have been that woman, and with an (accidental, promise!) towel slip, was berated for 'flaunting' my body piercings and tattoos whilst her 10 yr old was in the change room.

In what way? I think you’re missing my point.

The fact that lots of women follow rules doesn’t affect the motivation of those that don’t.

Lots of women with boys think boys shouldn’t be in women’s spaces so follow the rules,

or think it doesn’t matter but feel obliged to follow the rules anyway, so no issue.

Some women however know what the rules are and ignore them-

my point is that they do that because they care about their children more than they care about other women and their children (so if they think their child will be at risk in the men’s they care more about that than if someone else will be uncomfortable having them in the women’s)

and they care about their own convenience more than other women and children’s feelings.

Im not talking about the woman who follow the rules, im talking about the motivation of those that don’t.

Why did you ask a question you didn’t want an answer to?

I have made numerous other comments/points in different posts- but I only quoted you to answer a specific question you asked.

You're just repeating the same thing, which tells me you are not quite getting it. Not sure what else to say. Moving on.

No, you don’t get it.

You and several others have said that these women think their sons are more important than girls because they are boys, and that is why they take them in women’s spaces.

My point is that that is rarely true- people just care more about themselves and their kids than anyone else and theirs- regardless of their children’s sex.

When you attribute a motivation to someone that they don’t have (“you think boys matter more than girls”) it alienates them and enables them to write off your argument and justify their actions to themselves.

So if people want these women to change their behaviour it is unhelpful to make these comments.

Thank you. No, I totally agree it’s not a reason to compromise women’s personal spaces and yes it is not what I was suggesting. This was in answer to @Nottodaty post where they said that dads need to take their children swimming.

I am asking you why you are focusing on my comment about these mums not complaining to the venue instead of the actual point of boys over 8 being taken in to the female changing room because of mums choice?

We're going in circles here, and you are essentially repeating the same point, a point which is only partially true. Let's leave it at that and hopefully agree that there really is no justification for older males being in female spaces.

Because that was the post of yours I engaged with, and you continue to quote me on it. That was the point of this specific exchange with you.

My other posts are in reference to the rest of the thread.

Absolutely, I totally agree, anything that make swimming pools safer for everyone.
I really regret not reporting the incident in the male changing room that traumatised my DS and also another incident where a man was getting my other DS (ASD) to swim under the water between his legs 🤢.

🤷‍♀️ it’s true 99% of the time.

That's awful.