Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Because children, especially those around puberty, are very easily embarrassed by their parents and by anything that involves the opposite sex. For a senior school aged boy, being dragged into the women’s loos by their mother and possibly seen by classmates would be social suicide.

You're missing the whole point.

On mumsnet there is always things that posters say that I've just never ever seen happen in real life. And as a teacher and with 2 dc, I've seen plenty.

On this thread, one is an 11 year old going in the opposite sex changing room. Never seen it. And the other is an 8 yr old who can't dress themselves.

I'm the one suggesting the alternatives, in case you hadn't noticed!

Agree with all this except the "Dads take your child swimming" comment. Families do what they can manage.

I didn’t call you a liar, and the post I quoted didn’t say anything except “what stories have I made up?”. If you didn’t want anyone to answer, why did you ask?

...

I'm not misquoting you, you're putting some aspect relating to the male over some aspect relating to the female, in an area specifically designed for females and which males over a certain age are not allowed to enter. That is unjustifiable. Calling me a troll makes no difference. Keep the male safe in ways that don't mean females have to suffer, in any way.

I see. I never felt that way as a child and my friends and my and their brothers and sisters were in and out of both sexes' loos and shared bedrooms, tents, etc. and got changed near one another. Just made sure we covered up with towels. It was always normal to go with mum or dad into the loo then, too.

Anyhow, all simply solved by providing family cubicles for pre-teens!

Oh for goodness sake @Eyeroll2024

Listen!! Or read the bloody thread.

This has been talked about over and over.

Yes, we know many men are predators. That is why not one single person has said to send your 8 yo boy in to the men's alone if you're not comfortable with it.

What people have said, if you were able to listen, is that this isn't a problem that is addressed by stealing the female space.

Campaign to the gym, dress at home, go with a male relative.

Please please don't just list more pointless links about rapes without fucking listening. Aghhh. Bangs head against wall.

Based on that post I think not partaking in the discussion any further is the right decision.

My son needs help dressing himself. He is 8. He can physically do it, but doesn't have the executive functioning and motor planning to actually carry it through. And he wouldn't be able to organise his clothes and swim gear either.
But if you haven't seen it then it doesn't exist!!!
I'm also a teacher, for over 20 years, and your comment surprises me, it shows a lack of awareness of the very wide variation in child development and behaviour.

Stating that males over the designated age cannot be in female changing areas does not mean we don't want them to be safe, it simply means we refuse it to be at the expense of women and girls.

No-one disagrees there should be family cubicles. The argument crops up when there aren't family cubicles. What then?

I thought the same thing @NuffSaidSam

Thank goodness for that.

Are just the grown ups back now?

@Sirzy

It’s a bit of a different thing though…

And I am not advocating for older boys and teens in women’s spaces…

But, for example with my son, if we are in a women’s changing room (he’s 7 remember so ok), I am constantly directing his body away from others and his gaze onto me, have told him to shut his eyes too or given him a tablet to watch…. At no point is he left to his own devices to wander and cause harm and at no point is he gawping at anyone.

Young male child getting changed in male change… who is directing inappropriate men from looking at him? Who is moving them away? No one.

I would never leave my son alone even from a short period of time, it only takes a minute to flash or grope someone, seconds really.

I’m not at all- the point is it’s a female space, for female people.

The rules say boys 8 year old and above aren’t allowed in there (because it is uncomfortable or unsafe for all involved).

Women ignore that rule, and people aren’t happy about that.

My point is that it’s nearly always pointless to accuse mothers who ignore the rules of thinking their sons are more important than girls- it’s rarely the case.

People just always put their children first, regardless of their sex.

Add to that the fact the mums would be inconvenienced by having to find other ways of getting children changed, and you have covered the motivation for the vast vast majority of this behaviour.

Well, exactly. It leaves mothers of preteen boys a bit stuck if there aren't family cubicles and they don't have males to accompany them. Not sure about the dry robe idea — does that mean the child changes under a dry robe beside the pool? Couldn't really travel home in one!

I just haven't taken DS swimming since he turned 9, but luckily his dad can.

Your 7 year old would be allowed in the female area, although it's still not ideal. It's older boys that shouldn't be there. Once he's too old for the female area then you'll need to find an alternative that doesn't involve you feeling he's unsafe or making females feel uncomfortable (family change? partner take him?).

The crazy thing is you see people on here ask if they can leave their 12 year old alone for 10 mins while they run to the shop to get some milk and it’s outraged howls about how no 12 year old can be safe alone in their own home.
But suddenly an 8 year old boy is perfectly safe with naked strangers

You're right, it's a bit rubbish.
Alas that doesn't justify invading female spaces (not suggesting you would but others have).

I am also surprised that you are a teacher and have never seen an 8 year old who struggles with dressing themselves. I have 2 DC who both struggled for various reasons. I agree with @Goinggreymammy it shows a very big lack of awareness of child developmental issues.

Those screaming 'but what if he spontaneously combusts while you're at the shops?!?!' are exactly the same ones who are here saying things like 'he's coming in the ladies with me until he's 14 because of what happened to James Bulger'.

It's the same people.

Many people, including me, did/do follow the rules though, and didn't/don't think our older sons had a right to access female spaces.