Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Precisely. A mother doesn't want her eleven year old son left unprotected around naked adult males - so she must be a misogynist and uncaring. Erm, no. She's worried about her child. He is a child and his safety matters.

This is a problem caused by the gym.

Why do you think he is more important?
Why should a female in the female space have to even consider a change of venue?

Plenty of children, like my DS, are very nervous about going into men's loos or changing rooms alone. I would have been far too shy and nervous to go into a women's one alone when I was 11. It really isn't unusual.

It’s very unusual for a child of 11 to go into the loos for the opposite sex. Most children would be horrified and embarrassed if someone suggested it.

She's blatantly breaking rules.
If the changing situation isn't suitable, and it clearly isn't if she's taking an 11 year old boy in a female only space, then she needs to make adaptions that don't rely on females being disregarded!

I think you need to separate out the concern from the actions.

It's absolutely fine to be concerned about your child being in the men's changing room alone. Many of us would agree with you.

It's not reasonable to act on that concern by violating the rules of the leisure centre and taking your male child into the women's changing rooms. This is where the selfish behaviour comes in.

They're two very separate things.

Women and girls should not have to leave the female changing room because a male wants to use it. Why do you think female spaces should be for males?

The likelihood of an assault in men's changing rooms is extremely low on account of there being men in them. Any would be abuser would need to be in there alone and then so stupid or brazen as to assault a child in a public place with that child's parent or guardian just yards away. Statistically boys are at significantly higher risk from men known to them than strangers in changing rooms.

Don't misquote me.

I said his safety is more important than her feelings. And it is.

He is a child. If you actually believe that the possibility of a child being raped or otherwise assaulted by men in a men's changing room isn't real I can send you links to assaults on children in changing rooms and toilets.

He is an eleven year old child and needs more protection than an adult woman. That's just rational, normal and reasonable.

This is a problem caused by the gym.

Mums stand up for your sons, get the centres to provide the correct facilities (& use them)

Dads tell other men in the changing rooms to stop making young boys uncomfortable.

Dads take the kids swimming stop leaving it all to the mother and potentially putting your son at risk as they have to go into the appropriate changing rooms.

Mums don’t teach your son that an area designated for Females includes them.

Mums no we don’t feel threatened by your sons we just don’t wish for males to be in the female space.

Mums be aware that your young innocent son makes my daughters really uncomfortable- pre-teenage and teenage girls already feel really uncomfortable and self conscious and your sweet innocent son makes her feel vulnerable. ( to be honest he also looks as embarrassed that his mum is making him already use the female changing rooms)

Please complain to the centres and not to teach your son that female areas are to be ignored and they can do what they like as they don’t have to follow rules.

Or a dry robe/similar. Or going with a male adult.

Why horrified and embarrassed? It's one thing not to want to enter the opposite sex's loos out of respect for sex-separated loos, but why embarrassment or horror rather than polite disinclination?

But what about the 11 year old girls who feel uncomfy? Don’t they deserve protection from males in their space?

if a venue isn’t providing suitable options then campaign and complain. Don’t decide to ignore the needs of others though.

Absolutely a problem caused by the gym.

And a problem solved by petitioning the gym for adequate changing rooms.

Not a problem solved by taking your son into the womens changing rooms. That is selfish, rule-breaking behaviour.

Yes you are. You ignored the point of my post which was women and girls privacy to focus on me being wrong, despite the evidence on this thread, and decided to call me a liar because I said these mums choose not to complain to the venue and prefer instead to violate venue rules and the female space.

How about you address the main issue?

I think the gym are being unreasonable for not providing family changing rooms.
My DS is 8, he has a hidden disability and although I allow him into men's toilets unaccompanied while I wait outside, I wouldn't allow him into men's open changing rooms alone (he would be stressed about privacy, and also would struggle to get changed and put all his stuff together and bring it out). I stopped bringing him to the local swim lessons because the pool has the standard "over 8s in own sex changing room" rule and no family rooms. You don't know this families situation, the nothers reasoning, for eg if the boy has a hidden disability. But he shouldn't be in the women's changing rooms either.

It’s not up to women and girls to make up for the behaviour of men. 11 year old girls shouldn’t have to change in front of boys in their year.

And again @Mrbumpssmile .

There are PLENTY of other options that both keep the boys safe, AND keep female spaces for females.

I'm not misquoting you, and you're saying it again - he is not more important when it comes to access to female spaces. He has no right to be there, she does. He does need protection, yes, but not at the expense of the women and girls in the female only area. It's not rational and reasonable to consider the male more than any of the females.

https://www.newstalkzb.co.nz/news/crime/christchurch-man-grant-smallridge-admits-sexually-violating-young-children-in-public-and-filming-it/

https://www.stuff.co.nz/national/crime/114300644/cultural-mistake-led-to-touching-of-boy-at-changing-rooms-in-christchurch

https://www.westernstandard.news/news/watch-residents-shocked-and-angered-after-male-assaults-little-girls-in-womens-change-room-in-duncan-bc/53337

Found these in a 20 second search.

Men assault children much more than women do. Everyone knows this. That's why it's basic safeguarding not to leave children to get naked around strange men.

Can't be argued with.

This is a problem caused by the gym, not by the mother trying to keep her 11 year old child safe.

This is such a pointless argument- 99% of mothers don’t think their boys are more important than girls because they are boys, they (in the same way as basically all parents do) think THEIR children are more important than OTHER PEOPLE’S children.

They aren’t thinking “my child matters more because it’s male”, they are thinking “my child matters more to me than another child, because it’s my child and I love them”

If it was a case of their female child getting something over someone else’s male child they would behave in the same way.

Because they feel these emotions when it's suggested they use the facilities for the opposite sex?

Sorry but this actually sounds quite judgemental, what do you mean by able bodied? One of my DC’s has severe dyslexia and still cannot tie shoelaces despite being in their teens. It’s taken years for them to be able to do up buttons etc. Not all children develop motor skills/fine motor skills at the same age.

I agree that boys over a certain age should not be in women’s changing rooms.
I also highlighted in my previous post the difficulties for single mums with boys with Sen that may not even be diagnosed yet. My DS was traumatised by what happened in the male changing rooms.
The answer is for all pools to provide family changing and NOT, as our pool does, still have a notice up about over 8’s using single sex changing rooms in the family changing rooms.

@jannier

Mine is asd etc.

As for the others maybe lack of practice, or maybe it’s related to the school uniform, not sure.

There is NO reason for him to be in there.