Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Well I have taught hundreds of them over the course of 15 years.

I have dealt with countless incidents of boys of 9/10 and 11 year old boys making comments on girls looks/bodies, inappropriate and sexual remarks, derogatory comments.

They are still boys but they absolutely can hurt and harm girls.

Jamie was 2 his killers 8, would you be happy with your 3 year old getting naked being watched by either of them even at 8?

I don’t think anybody here would disagree with you. The point is, campaign for more family changing facilities, rather than encroaching on facilities specifically designated for females.

This doesn’t make sense.

i wouldn't be sending an 11 year old boy off into a grown men's changing room alone. not to be rude but what exactly do you think an 11 year old male child is going to do to you? personally don't see the difference with a female or male 11 year old kid.

Honestly not sure, maybe it depends how confident the 11yr old felt on his own. Our local swimming pool only allows children up to the age of 8 to be in the wrong genders changing room….
They don’t even offer family changing rooms around here 😩

I know I will not be comfortable letting an 8yr old go into a closed males changing room by himself. Just too many unsettling stories… maybe the mum wasn’t confident in this and if the policy allows children of that age in the other changing room then no issue.

If you’re that uncomfortable couldn’t you just get changed in the toilet/shower cubicle?

Why not? I've worked in childcare for over 25 years if 4 year olds can manage pants, trousers and shirts....help with buttons....why can't an 8 year old?

There IS a difference though, especially from the perspective of an 11 year old girl (or boy!).
11 year old boys are not entitled to access female spaces.

And another one.

Please read the thread.

Jesus, some of these posts! The child in question was 11 years old, so definitely not “allowed” in the women’s changing room! And why on earth should a woman in the womens changing room have to get changed in the toilet / shower cubicle in order to accommodate an 11 year old boy?!?

The policy doesn't allow 11 year olds, OP has already said this!
Also why should a female in a female space even have to hide away because someone has brought a male, at least 3 years over the age limit, into that space?

I'm starting to think the vast majority of adults in this country are misogynists, many internalised, many don't even realise or recognise it. Nothing is allowed to inconvenience males. Certainly not females.

I said they fail to do so and then ignore the rules and take their sons in to female changing rooms anyway and you think the bad part of that is the first bit! Wow!

That's fine as long as you don't break the leisure centre rules and take him in the women's.

If you don't know the difference between boys and girls I'd maybe look for a book that could help. Usborne are quite good for this sort of thing.

Then you are a huge part of the problem of males not respecting female boundaries....well done you.

No, the policy didn't allow it.

If you're that uncomfortable get your son to get changed in a toilet/shower cubicle.

You asked what you had made up, and I told you- you have made up that the parents of boys don’t complain.

I made no comment on what part of your statement was good or bad- I only gave you a simple answer to a simple question.

Tbh I don't think it's even misogyny, it's just good old fashioned selfishness. It's not their sons they don't want to inconvenience, it's themselves.

The boys aren't getting any say in this either, they're being told they're being taken into the women's until they're in high school because Mummy is worried about them in the men's. I'm sure that a lot of these boys would rather be in the men's like all the other older boys and not being forced to get naked in front of their mother. But that doesn't matter. No-one else matters except them and their comfort.

It appears from this thread they don't complain as none have said that was what they did they just said they took their boys in to female changing rooms. You are choosing the wrong hill to die on here.

Agree, I think it's more about what easiest for parents. The obvious solution is to just stand outside the changing room whilst they get charged.

I'd be fucking uncomfortable. I'd probably march him out myself.

Good point @NuffSaidSam

Dismiss any idea which makes their life slightly harder, like dry robes for example. 'But they would then have to get back in to the shower at home. Far too much hassle. Far easier to say loudly it's about safety, ignore all possible solutions to mitigate safety fears, and instead continue to use a female space. Sod the girls.'

The mother is right not to want her 11 year old child in the men's changing room, unprotected. His safety is, in fact, more important than your discomfort being that he is an eleven year old child. I would say that about either sex - the safety of any eleven year old child matters more than my feelings, or yours.

But you are right to want your own space to change and your feelings do matter.

It can't be solved without a change of venue for one or both of you, or the gym changing things drastically.

I’m not choosing any hill to die on- you asked a question, I answered it, and you aren’t happy... next time don’t ask if you don’t want to know.

It's this spitefulness that's so depressing. Parents understandably and justifiably concerned about their children's safety are being called names.

Plenty of children, like my DS, are very nervous about going into men's loos or changing rooms alone. I would have been far too shy and nervous to go into a women's one alone when I was 11. It really isn't unusual.

It's one thing to campaign for separate family-friendly changing rooms and cubicles, quite another to attack mothers for basic safeguarding concerns.