Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

You do know that sexual assaults by males of school age on females is increasing don't you?

My DD first had school swimming lessons in Yr1... so 5yo. All the children managed to change independently (in private rooms, not male strangers)

That's really on the parents because any able bodied child can dress themselves sufficiently by about 3/4 and well (buttons etc) by about 5/6.

There is no way an 8 yr old child, without disabilities, can't dress themselves. If they can't, then they have disabilities and can therefore access that changing room.

Mums never see their children as growing up. Your boy is very likely to be different out of sight of adults.

Yes, this is what's needed, rather than the comments on here ridiculing or angry with parents wanting their male children to be safe. There needs to be provision for children to change with their parents.

I agree. I dislike it too. How on earth is it dystopian to get changed in private?

In most of the changing rooms I’ve been in most strangers don’t interact while they’re getting dressed, maybe sometimes they do if they’re drying their hair or something or re-applying makeup at the mirrors.

But I don’t sense any “camaderie” will be lost by giving each person their own space instead of being naked in front of strangers.

@MaterialGirlAllDay

But surely we should be talking about why this is happening… because if we don’t, it will keep on happening.

If this gym only has male and female changing… but allows membership for families then there is an issue with lack of appropriate changing provision.

Equally if the boy was disabled and there was no disabled change, that is the issue.

At that age, they're not out of sight of adults much at all, at least not where I live. My son would be very upset and nervous going into a changing room full of adult men alone!

Nobody is ridiculing or getting angry, merely pointing out that males over a certain age cannot be allowed in female only spaces. To think they can is downright ridiculous!

And those parents that don't want their male child to change in the male area need to voice this to the venue.....but they don't. Instead they ignore the boundaries of women & girls in favour of their own wants for their male child who is over the age the venue rules state.

And many daughters would be upset and anxious to see their male classmates in the female changing room. Boys are not more important.
I say this as a boy (teen now) parent.

This is very true.

What percentage of mums in this position are speaking to the venue/ complaining/petitioning/taking their business elsewhere and what percentage are going 'oh well I'll have to take him in the women's with me'?

So your happy to get naked In front of 11,12,13,14,15,16 year old boys? What's your cut off or don't you have one?

This is what I mean — making up stories about those of us who want to safeguard our children.

Adult men abusing boys in changing rooms is pretty statistically low, I would have thought

This is so so true.

I work in a leisure centre.

We have never received a complaint about facilities for 8 yr old boys. There are constant 8/9/10 yo Boys in the female change, despite signs everywhere.

This is the crux of the issue. So many people, including women themselves, just dismiss women's rights rather than even consider alternatives.

I've complained vociferously to venues that don't make provision. Not been to any without provision since DS turned 9, though, so it hasn't come up recently. It discriminates against single parents, for a start.

The replies here show that some people would indeed ignore rules/push boundaries, other similar threads have revealed the same, so not really making things up at all.

What story have ai made up?

My son is 10 and even though he is a child it would definitely be inappropriate for him to eyeball a similarly aged girl in a change room while she was in a vulnerable state getting changed. And if she was a classmate? He could tell the school he's seen her naked?!

That the parents of boys don’t complain to the venue when there aren’t appropriate changing facilities.

If more parents were like you we'd be in a better place.

As you can see from this thread, there are lots who aren't. Far too many who just shrug and trample over women only spaces and as a result raise men who will do the same.

Exactly, this actually reminds me that when I was in my 20s I was visiting my family’s home country. A family friend I was visiting had a teenage boy who was autistic and non-verbal, he needed constant supervision and had a very young development age. However no-one told me he had a penchant for grabbing women’s breast.

I have a very large chest and needless to say on my second day of being there he jumped across the kitchen at breakfast and went for them. I was just rooted to the spot confused as I watched him make a beeline for me Thankfully his female cousin who knew what he was like literally jumped in the middle of us and intervened . He was much bigger than me and his cousin - both in height and in build - but luckily he did listen to her. I was a bit on edge for the rest of the weekend but he didn’t try it again.

I am not saying all teen boys or teen autistic boys will do this but I’m saying just because someone is non-verbal, autistic, developmentally much younger etc doesn’t mean they can’t pose some kind of threat or behave inappropriately around women and girls.