Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

I work in a leisure centre. We only allow under 8 boys in the ladies. - and vice versa. However many mums ignore this rule and other customers get upset. IMHO 8 yo children should be able to cope on their own in a changing room.

I agree it's unlikely to happen. The very vast majority of eleven year old boys are not sex offenders of course, but it definitely does happen.

How utterly horrible for the poor 10 year old girls he might see naked.
As has been said many times on this thread, it's fine to not want him alone in the men's...but...you find another solution which doesn't involve trampling on women's rights.

Then you are one of the women that is teaching her son that women & girls have no autonomy. No say in who enters their female space.
YOU are part of the problem!

Look for spaces that cater for your needs and stop overriding the needs of those whose space you are invading.

The mum in this case gets no benefit of the doubt from me. Her son was staring at a woman getting changed and she stood by and did nothing. Then she gets angry and says he's "entitled" to be there - which he's not, if the age limit at that pool was 7.

Surely that's cultural?

Nudity was common in my childhood not to be anything anyone would blink at.

Went to a beach on holiday last month with my 11 year old and there were plenty of nudists; DS wasn't remotely interested or concerned.

Haven’t encroached on any space ever and don’t intend to.

My point is the vulnerability of young males is completely disregarded in a lot of places with changing rooms.

How dare you think your son is more important than every female in a female only space! You cannot take a 10 year old into a female only change area, you have to find an alternative.

Also JB was not 10, he was a toddler.

Right, so we are concerned about the dignity of adult women getting charged near 8 year old boys- but being concerned about the safety of 8 year old boys getting changed with a load of strange men is ‘infantilising’ them?

We are concerned that an 9 year old boy may assault or take pictures of, or stare at and discomfort a 9 year old girl, but not that a grown man might do that to a 9 year old boy?

Surely you can see that that’s inconsistent to the point of being ridiculous?

There is no need to minimise the real risk to young boys from predatory men to make the point that female spaces are for females- both points are equally important- that’s why there needs to be safe changing spaces for everyone.

Tbh my DD would prefer a cubicle as would my DS they wouldn't want to see other men or woman naked outside of the family. I wrap a towel around me when I'm getting dressed at the swimming pool. I always have done. I appreciate others don't and get fully naked but it's not for me.

I personally wouldn't send my 8 year old DS into a changing room unaccompanied. I would either choose a pool with family changing or go when my OH is with me. This is because I would want him to have an adult with me because he's a vulnerable child. He would have aero interest in looking at others getting dressed nor would my daughter. I honestly have no concerns about others bringing children into the changing room because I wouldn't be naked in front of them. Again that's personal choice.

Regarding the infantilising of children, as a swimming teacher of the Stages, one often sees 8/9/10 year old boys heading for the girls changing room; but I also coach at a swim club and we take from age 7 - no one would be seen dead either with a parent in the changing room or in the changing room not of their sex. It's funny how the club is seen as more grown up for the exact same age kids.

He was staring at her! Would YOU be comfortable getting undressed with a 12 year old boy watching you?

@TheaBrandt

No of course not!

I was pointing out to the other poster that it is not going to be practical for him to go into changing facilities without a carer… perhaps even when adult. We don’t know yet.

I have no intention of taking him into a female space.

But am shocked that people only appear to be concerned about safeguarding young girls and not young boys going into male change unaccompanied.

That is just disgusting of the other mothers!! Why are some women so happy to infringe on the rights and dignity of others women when there are suitable provisions made like this? It's unbelievable

Yes I fully agree it's cultural and in the culture I grew up with (Swedish) nudity and mixed sex nudity is normal and not sexualised. However I don't believe most British people would be comfortable with that.

The safeguarding courses I've been on have recommended a separate changing facility for minors if they're changing with adults. Thus I am wondering if the facility has family changing rooms/ other private changing rooms for example, if the mum doesn't want to leave her child unattended.

I've been a teacher for over 15 years. Girls become more aware of their bodies and seek out privacy about a bit earlier than boys. They typically ask to start getting changed separately from 7 years old.

There is nothing untoward in these situations, the boys are usually oblivious but I would never tell the girls that because it is their choice to decide what they are comfortable with. They have a right to privacy and have a right to decide what situations they feel comfortable in and to have space to accommodate that.

Also, I have dealt with MANY incidents of 9 year old boys making derogatory, inappropriate and sexual comments to girls.

It’s usual on these threads- all boys are a risk to girls and women, and in order to try and make a point, men suddenly stop being a threat to boy children.

I think a lot of people struggle to hold two ideas in their minds at once, especially when they think there is a conflict (which there actually isn’t - the problem is insufficient or badly designed changing facilities, or adult women making bad decisions- not 8 year old boys).

That's because we are talking about a male in a female space and how that made a woman in that space feel.

You want to talk about the lack of SG for boys in male spaces then feel free to start a thread. Women should be able to say no and talk about how males in their spaces nakes them feel uncomfortable even if those males are children and in this case breaking the venues rules.

@dizzydizzydizzy

Mine is nearly 8 and can’t manage fully executing the full process of dressing from start to finish. A lot of his friends are similar and they aren’t even disabled!

No way is it nice to strip off in front of other women either, it's horrible no sense of camaraderie just bloody horrendous let me out of here

People do care about the safety of males too, and think accessible/family changing spaces should be provided. They just don't think males over a certain age, disabled or not, should be in female spaces.

You can believe that boys shouldn't be in girls changing rooms... and that boys are potentially vulnerable in men's changing rooms.

Its up to the parents to chose venues with changing facilities suitable to them. If they don't want their sons in male changing rooms, they should go elsewhere. They can't just co opt the womans changing rooms.

We can all agree that disabled facilities are often inadequate

That still doesn't mean they get access to a female only space.

There are work arounds that don’t involve using the women’s changing room. Dry robes and crocs / toilet cubicles / petitioning the place for proper provision. All 8 plus boys and vulnerable men trotting into the women’s shouldn’t be an option - it’s not fair.

Why can't your 8 year old put on joggers and a hood by himself? You say he has no SEN so what is he struggling with?