Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

@Intriguedbythis
You don't think a fellow boy in a young girls class at age 11, seeing her naked, affects her dignity?
I'm honestly not sure how to help you here.

Obviously, if he's unable to dress himself that's different. All pools and leisure centres should provide for this and it's outrageous if they don't. He still shouldn't be in the women's changing rooms though.

You still cannot take him in women's changing areas.

@Intriguedbythis What about the women who have posted on this thread about being assaulted by boys in changing rooms when they were children?

Why would there be loads of naked men. They will be getting dressed and probably not many of them if it's a family swim or swimming lesson

You are supposed to find an an alternative that doesn't involve taking him in women's spaces. That might not always be easy but taking him in the women's changing isn't an option.

@MaterialGirlAllDay

I absolutely intend that my son should be in communal change, family change, disabled change or thrown together and into the car…

But am interested, how did you safeguard your son when he turned 8 and was so vulnerable?

Were appropriate facilities available for him where he was able to have a carer with him?

The solution isn't doing something that you must clearly see is unacceptable to the vast majority of girls and women. This is the problem. You're deciding that your son is the special case where you can just ignore the rules and comfort of women and girls. It's exactly why so many men are so entitled, because the sign on the door doesn't apply to them.

If we are to presume that the womens changing room is likely to have a lot of naked women (hence the need for it to be women only), then why wouldn’t we assume the men’s changing room will have a lot of naked men?

It is daft to say it’s fine for an 8 year old boy to be naked and alone in a room full of naked/semi naked men- in no other situation would that be remotely acceptable.

There needs to be ample family/cubicle changing so everyone can be safe and comfortable.

It would be an adolescent not a child in a biological sense. Are you pretending they are children until 18?

Most schools segregate changing around year 4 or 5. Secondary have to be segregated. If there was a post saying year 7s so aged 11 were changing altogether there would be uproar. Peer on peer abuse is real - you only have to read the website everyone’s invited, Ofsted report, union reports to know that it is a real issue. The statistics are horrifying. I think most adult ladies can deal with a staring 11 year old even if it’s just to report it, although I’d personally have a few more words to say. An 11 year old girl is going to struggle if she’s by herself. Let’s not even go there if an 11 year boy then tried to take a picture.

You have to risk assess the situation, changing rooms around swimming lesson times at our pool are busy and full of frazzled parents trying to hurry up children and the chances of something happening are negligible. If all the over 8s used the correct changing room, there will be multiple children in both changing rooms and probably a bit of a mix of Mums and Dads and harassed parents calling at the door. If your gym/swimming pool has an over 8s rule and no family changing then you have to plan and train your child accordingly or go elsewhere. Or get them a dry robe or something and they just walk through the right changing rooms quickly.

I have it the opposite way, my DD in around 6 months is going to be too old to go into the men’s with DH, she is going to need to go into the ladies by herself. I’m working on this now and this will include what to do if someone makes you feel uncomfortable. Women can be abusers too.

I dressed him in his swimming stuff before we arrived under his clothes and he had the same hoodie and joggers to throw on after and showered at home.

He was in the changing room less than 10 mins either side.

I was touched, sexually, without consent, by my 10/11 year old classmate when I was that same age.

Other posters on the thread have unfortunately reported similiar experiences.

No believes an 11 year old boy is a physical threat to an adult woman, but child on child sexual abuse and harassment exists. It is not okay for a female 11 year old to be forced to change with her male peer.

Can you imagine it @Ionacat. @Intriguedbythis thinks it's absolutely fine and to suggest otherwise is sexualising children.

'In you go year 7s, all of you in together, now get changed for swimming. Make sure you don't cover up girls, the boys are only children.'

Yes, I’m sure I’m not lying @Intriguedbythis . I asked him because of this thread. If you look up the National curriculum for year 5, you will see they talk about sexual thoughts as part of puberty.

I agree with this.

Pools probably shouldn't be allowed to offer kids swimming lessons unless they have family change/cubicles. It's insane that there are pools that don't have this tbh!

Boys can't go in the ladies changing rooms though. That's not the solution.

I think an 11 year old can be a physical threat to an adult woman. Some women are tiny, some 11 year olds are massive.

You only have to look at the poor case of Jamie Bulger to understand why I'm not sending my 10 year old into a space away from me (with friends not a problem) alone. He will be coming with me into the ladies until at secondary school. Quite frankly I worry about kidnap and murder not feeling uncomfortable.

I guess you are saying the 8 year old needs to be supervised by a parent... Most council pools allow 8 year olds to swim without a parent though so they presumably think they are capable of getting themselves dressed. Women can be paedophiles too of course.

I think this is another example of people infantilising their children.

By the age of 9 I would have been embarrassed to be changing in front of an opposite sex family member.

Cubicles in a mixed changing area aren't ideal either, for an unaccompanied child especially

Jamie Bulger was 2.. are you getting mixed up with his murderers who were 10?

This really isn't appropriate. Over the age of 7 or 8 they should be in the correct changing area for their sex. I have a 9 year old and I would never take him in the ladies. He is autistic and needs constant supervision so most of the time his dad will take him in the men's but if it's just him and me then I will take him in the disabled.

This is so hard to navigate.

Personally for me I’d weigh up the difference in risk to each person.

Women and girls in the changing room will definitely be uncomfortable and exposed. But the child is unlikely to pose an actual risk to anyone in the changing room especially as his mum is right there.

An 11 year old child alone in a men’s changing room is probably at greater risk.

So on the whole I guess would give the mum and child the benefit of the doubt here.

The pool should provide adequate and safe facilities to all patrons.

Jamie Bulger was two years old. No-one is suggesting a two year old should get changed on their own .

In my eyes this is as much a safeguarding issue for the child involved as it is for the women.

While 'getting changed' nudity isn't sexual and in British changing rooms people don't usually get naked anyway, a child shouldn't really be exposed to female nudity at that sort of age. Any safeguarding course will tell you that.

Think about it - would you send an 11-year-old girl to a changing room that's not the female one? (Of course nobody would even think to do that, just giving an equivalent example!)

I actually do agree that it’s possible, but I thought it would be more prudent to concede that point. I do think it is unlikely though.