Kids in changing room at gym

[Snowypony]

Yesterday I was running late for my aqua gym class

i already had my swimming costume on under my clothes

i I ran in the changing rooms and there was a boy in there who was taller than me

i didn’t have time to question the Mum - he had clearly started puberty. He watched me get changed which left me very uncomfortable

i I got in the pool and my friend saw I was a bit upset and asked why. I explained and said the boy was about 12. There are no changing rooms at my gym - it’s just benches so you have to get naked when changing

my friend went over and spoke to the Mun who got really angry and said he’s entitled to be in there he’s only 11

when I got out they’re left but I still went and complained to the gym staff.

I don’t have a ds only dd so I’ve never had this issue. But is it reasonable to expect an 11 year old to use their own sex changing room?

Even if he was the only child in there it’s still inappropriate. It’s completely disingenuous of some posters to pretend some 11 year old boys don’t have sexual thoughts and that we’re sexualising them for bringing this reality up .

It might also be unpleasant for some boys of that age, to be changing in front of women /girls or to see women undress in front of them . As a 11 year old girl i would’ve hated being in a man’s changing room!

I once took an 8/9 year old boy into the women’s toilet with me once and he was a bit agitated. He said he hoped I’d never do that again 😕😂 I’d never have dreamed of taking an 11 year old into a changing room though.

In my local gym there is a large notice that states 'Please be aware children of 8 years of age must use their own changing rooms in all circumstances. Thank you for your understanding'. My DGS is 8 but he's tiny and looks about 5-6. My DD still makes him use the men's changing room. She just puts his swim trunks on under his trousers so all he has to do is take clothes off and puts in his bag. After swimming he just pulls on a thick swim robe and he goes home in the car like that and changes out of his swim trunks at home. She says it's easy and she has another 5 year old to change.

You should get in to put swim trunks on at home then he just takes off other clothes and puts in a bag. Buy him a towelling robe to wear home after a swim so he can leave his swim trunks on. No reason whatsoever to have a male over 8 in female only spaces. It is not their space.

This. There are some very naive women on here.

I'm currently doing supply at a large secondary school. There's an ongoing battle with pupils constantly taking out their phones.

What are the boys looking at? Games, 'funny' videos and pictures of women and girls. Call it curiosity if you like, but women and girls don't need to be subjected to the male gaze in vulnerable situations - even if the males concerned are only adolescents.

Many people have no idea of what adolescents get up to these days.

My ds is 7. He goes into the men's by himself.

Fine. They can be curious about anatomy in their own home. They don't need to direct their curiosity at strange women and girls who just want to mind their own business.

Dear Lord.

He was watching the OP getting changed. It doesn't matter what was going on in his head - he shouldn't have been there.

Agreed.

I've known of boys that age who have used their phones to harass girls. Invariably, the mother has claimed that it was 'just banter' or that the account had been hacked.

I once had to report two young boys for writing pornographic fiction. One of them went on to commit a rape in exactly the way as described in his story. The victim in the story was one of his teachers. His real-life victim was a little girl.

I'm sure that most boys are lovely, in the same way that most men are lovely. We have single-sex spaces for a reason: they help protect women and girls and they protect the dignity of women and girls.

What on earth makes some people think that the female of the species should always gave way to males?

He 100% should not be in there.

There's no way that he should be in a female space at that age. I would have hit the roof and put a complaint in myself. I have had a mastectomy without reconstruction therefore look a little odd for someone in their mid thirties. I'd cope around other women changing if I have to but that's because you can challenge others within your own gender. Having a male there I can't even describe how that would possibly make me feel beyond vulnerable.

And I clarified that likewise young boys and teens need to be protected.

I do agree that that mother was out of order., but as the mother of a boy, sending him to get changed by himself aged 7 or 8 was one of the weirdest and must uncomfortable things I've ever had to do. He'd go off into the men's room by himself - potentially full of naked strangers - and I'd have to trust him to lock up for himself, bring his locker key and go and wait for me by the pool until dd and I arrived. Once he came out crying his eyes out. Despite a member of the gym staff going into the changing rooms for me, we never did get to the bottom of that.

In any other situation, sending a 7 year old into a room full of naked strangers, then asking them to wait unattended by an uncovered swimming pool would be safeguarding risks. I find it astonishing that leisure centres and gyms that offer children's swimming lessons are not obliged to provide family changing.

Not at the expense of female spaces.

This is not the responsibility of women and girls. If you’re so concerned about boys, campaign for family changing spaces rather than encroaching on spaces designated for females.

Why??

Girls have the right to a changing room where they are protected from predatory males.

Young boys and teens are pushed from the age of 8 to go in and get naked in front of them.

A lot of paedophiles are interested in young boys and teens and a lot unfortunately ensure sexual assault due to them.

So I don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that girls are never placed in such a vulnerable position in the context of changing rooms - boys are.

@KeinLiebeslied54321

What am I supposed to do when my son is 15 but has the capacity of a 10/11 yr old?

Thankfully where we are the changing rooms are communal, men, women, all ages and there are cubicles for privacy.

I dislike it because of pervy men. But I am grateful to have space to keep my son safe.

Why dont you speak up?

You need to take him in the accessible changing room, for his protection as much as anyone else’s.

That’s an odd thing for a 10 year old to say.. sure you didn’t make it up?

Someone with the capacity of a 10/11 year old is fine getting changed by themselves, that's why the rule in most places is age 8.

Crikey @StephanieSuperpowers

This is uncalled for.

My child is disabled, 2-3 years developmentally behind, and had no concept of stranger danger.

If someone said to come with them he would without question, he is very vulnerable.

He is about to turn 8 and I am worried.

We are going to have to make sure in advance of going anywhere that appropriate changing is available.

No doubt though we may be caught out at some point. That doesn’t mean I leave my child in a vulnerable position.

@NuffSaidSam

He has multiple disabilities, I am not leaving him.

You do realise even 18yo autistics doing their a levels may need help getting dressed??

And even as adults are much more vulnerable to rape and sexual assault as they can’t assess the danger.

@arethereanyleftatall no babe, I am not being obtuse. I think that believing an innocent child getting changed affects someone’s ‘dignity’ is a really troublesome idea.. also reflects that you likely have a strange relationship with your own body and nudity.

it’s bizarre on so many levels. It is a child, children shouldn’t need protecting from

another natural child’s body quickly getting changed. Nothing untoward, just two children getting changed behind a towel by their mothers, as if at the beach.

yours is a really unhealthy mindset. You are equating a child with a sexual adult. Really odd way to think. It’s almost like you are weaponising a little boy, strange talk about dignity and protecting… from a child..

While I appreciate the difficulty you may face the situation you describe does not in away entitie you to take your son if over 8 years old in to the female changing room.
Yes you may need to miss out on that activity that day and I encourage you to make a complaint to the venue but do not under any circumstances violate the boundaries of women & girls.

So you would bring your 18 year old son into the women’s changing room?

Your blatant disregard for women only spaces is very concerning.