I don’t want to do this any more :(

[Drowwning]

Up all night, on all day. I just can’t do it. There are lovely moments and I do love them but I had no idea the level of relentlessness coming for me.

Does baby have a nap time in the day? I introduced 'quiet time' as part of our routine. When one napped I encouraged the other into quiet play, look at books or a video ( this probably worked as we didn't have a TV aerial so was the only time TV was on - mine are mid 20s now so was a bit different). I found this then carried on so after lunch when they got tired but too old for a nap they naturally had a bit of down time. It saved my sanity as it was an hour in the day where I could have a coffee and read a chapter in a book or whatever I needed to do. It took time and consistency to make it to that point but was worth it to me.

Don’t scare OP. My 7 year old is easy peasy and has been since they were 4/5. They wake up at 7.30 and will just occupy themselves if up before me!

Those replies telling me how much worse it gets are actually very very upsetting as I’m not in a good place this morning.

And we have no routine, no structure and nothing and I know people will tell me to get one but never works for us as we do different things on different days and they wake a different times so it’s never worked trying to keep to anything. Fucking nightmare and I hate it.

Lucky you 🍀 unfortunately not like this for everyone but you are right, OP is more than likely going to get restful sleep soon enough when out of the baby years. My youngest is waiting on an autism assessment which might be linked.

I'm trying to think how I used to do it. She hai was pretty much similar and I had an owl and a lark. By 10am I used to feel like I'd done a day's work.

I like routine, because it frees up time to think about other stuff, so I think I had a vague one. It's about 12 years ago, but I think it was kind of life this:
Out of bed between 6 and 7 (probably awake earlier). Lots of cbeebies/ breakfast. Probably washing machine on etc.
Out and about in the morning.
Lunch at 12ish. Tv for an hour or so.
Looooong afternoons until dh came home.
Tea.
More cbeebies. The mad running around hour.
Wind down.
Stories and songs before bed which, I think, was sort of 7ish.

I know I did lots and lots of walking. Visited a baby group. Met other friends on mat leave.

It will get easier. It will.
There are different challenges at different ages of course but it will get easier.
Mine are grown up now & been there.
You need a break. Tell your partner how you feel. He must take one or both for a while to give you a break. Get some sleep. All the best.

It does get better
remember the saying…..this too shall pass

babies are relentless, 3 year olds are the devil - combined it’s a recipe for a broken mother.

Divide and conquer when you can. Split them up with each you and dh having one. Take baby out of the house for a walk, 3 yr old to the park. I did find getting out and about the saving Grace of every day - even in the rain!

it’s ok to be looking forward to the glass of wine at 7pm
it’s ok to feel totally overwhelmed
it’s ok to not like your children sometimes

you are not alone and there are thousands who feel exactly the same - not everyone will admit it.

Big hugs OP.

I didn't like baby/toddler years much. Definitely felt like I wished them away.

Good news is (in my case) once they're 4/5 life was in general enjoyable and now they're at the top end of Primary School in general it's wonderful.

Good company, funny, helpful. Don't have to entertain them 24/7. We can stay in bed when they get up in the morning - but now it's always after 7/8 on a weekend.

Hang in there, not everyone enjoys every age and stage and that's ok. Xxx

It doesn't get worse. As soon as they start sleeping, and they will, you will be amazed at the difference. Of course being a parent isn't easy but you are in the trenches at the moment. It doesn't last. It will pass.

Sorry OP I didn't mean to put the fear in you, that wasn't my intention. As I said, it's more than likely just a phase for you and you will get your sleep back ❤️ don't worry. Not everyone is hit with the unlucky stick.

Mine are 9 and 11 now and I just felt horribly sick reading your post like it was yesterday.

It’s just survival. Life was just the barest essentials “everyone fed, no one dead” was a successful day, a lot of days it was just “no one dead” (the under people were the adults btw)

I know it doesn’t help right now but it DOES get better. The problem is you can’t say when and looking ahead all you see is more of the same. So for now just think about what you’re doing and try not to think too far ahead. At times that meant not even thinking about the afternoon and just dealing with the morning. Or not thinking about after nap time even.

Deep breaths, lots of tea, and CBeebies isn’t the worst thing that can happen to a child if it gets you a tiny rest. Keep going.

Sympathise with you. It does improve...easier to go out and about than stay in I thought. Remember going for an MRI scan and those 30 undisturbed minutes of lying still were absolute bliss

It isn’t just the sleep. It’s the mess, the endless mess, we can’t ever find anything get anything grab anything. Mess and chaos chaos and mess.

3 year old battles, teeth, constantly going in toys designed for the baby and breaking them, eating battles.

Baby weighs well over a stone and I can’t just put her down due to 3 yo.

3 yo constant poo accidents

I am depressing myself.

Where's their father in all this? Do you have a partner?

I have a two year gap between eldest two. 3yr old and nearly 1yr old is pretty much the hardest time ime.

Toddler wanting your attention, baby too young for them to play with properly. Baby not sleeping, needing your attention, still needing breast or bottle, weaning taking energy, shitty nappies, baby wanting to copy toddler but not able to because not walking, still needing a pram everywhere, everything is just EFFORT.

I remember it so well.

This is the worst bit op, you're nearly at the turning point so just try and buckle down and hang on. People saying it doesn't get easier are chatting nonsense. It will get SO much easier, soon.

When you have a 2 and 4 year old they'll hopefully both be sleeping through. Both just eating normal family meals. They'll play together. No more pram, no more weaning. End of nappy changing in sight. Eldest in school. Take them to a secure park and they'll both wander off to play.

Another year after that you can send them off upstairs together to play for half an hour whilst you sit with a coffee. Then before you know it they'll both be in full time school.

It might not feel like it but you're nearly there and you won't recognise yourself this time next year.

Yes. And I know I know but he’s not going to Chang and even if he did it’s all been done so that’s that.

@KeepingItUnderTheRadar thanks logically I know it isn’t forever but it just feels so awful just now. They are both difficult in different ways I have no help and it’s such a struggle.

I assume he's working during the day, or at times, but what's he doing when he's at home?

This is purely a MN phenomena. In real life everyone I know says when the youngest is primary school age life gets much easier. That’s obviously baring a SEN diagnosis or health problems…but the average experience is that life gets easier as they get older.

It’s funny because there was a thread the other day where a MNer was saying she was anxious about a weekend parenting her 2 DC (a teen and a near-teen) on her own. People were falling over themselves to tell her it should be easy as they are so self sufficient at this age. Meanwhile when someone posts they are struggling with their newborn or toddler the same posters pile on to say older children/teenagers are just as bad and it never gets easier. Double standards at their finest!

Ignore them OP, it definitely DOES get easier. I had two under two and it was hard, I was on the verge of breakdown for months!! It’s much easier now they are older, so much so I’ve now got a third baby (my oldest two are 5 and 3 so it’s not like it was years ago!)

I sleep trained my second at 9 months as I was a broken woman up every two hours… mumsnet hates sleep training on the whole but once my second child was sleeping better the whole household was happier. I was rock bottom at a similar point to you.

You can do this and you will get through it, then the benefits of a smaller age gap will reap rewards when you see the lovely bond between your two grow 💪🏼💐

@Drowwning Bollocks does it get worse. There are other challenges but at 4 and 7 I can take a leisurely shower while they play in their room, I can often eat a meal in peace, I sleep.

People saying it gets worse to op are just talking rubbish. There were times at your ages I thought what the f**k have I done but now, although I miss my freedom and old life, I wouldn’t swap it. More fun, more sleep.

Can you be honest with him about how you feel? If he’s a fundamentally nice guy but a bit hopeless/clueless, do you at least feel he’s in the trenches with you? Even if sometimes his help not 100% helpful?

It doesn’t get harder, it gets easier, miles easier. Sorry OP. I remember these days so well.

I did notice that actually @VivaVivaa i think you’re right.

Dh doesn’t do nothing but he isn’t enormously helpful and I actually find the three year old easier without him around but I could be being unfair. This morning for instance he did have both kids 530-830 while I slept, I didn’t actually mean to sleep that long but then I get up ds is naked neither of them have had breakfast and the house looks like it’s been lived in by a gang of tramps so tbh it would have been easier and less stressful if I’d just got up.