Did anything good happen to you in your forties?

[Sashamalia]

To anyone over 40, I am not calling you old.

I just turned 40. And i feel sad.

I've bought into the marketing that women are over the hill at 40, and basically nothing good happens to us after that age.

I need to snap myself out of it

Other than fertility taking a nose dive after 40, I haven't seen any negative media.

I'm enjoying my 40s. Kids are becoming more self sufficient, I've started music lessons again, I gained a black belt in kick boxing after 6 years of training, I feel very competent in my career, I'm financially stable etc...

Lost three stone, passed my driving test, changed jobs and started volunteering for a well known charity. Best years of my life, apart from when the children were born.

Had second child, left my DH, had best sex of my life, got an independent life and own house, met a great DP, travelling a lot, doing the things I love

I got married for the first time, moved to Brighton, applied for a significant promotion and got it, and drove across the USA, all when I was 42.

Menopause isn't horrendous for everyone. And there's not much to love about periods and pregnancy scares, especially if you have never had any interest in having children. It's like having to pay an expensive subscription to a club you don't want to join.

40s are good. I'm 47 this year. Getting more confident in my own skin and not at all scared of saying no if something doesn't work for me. Have less friends, but better ones. I give far less shits & am learning to speak my mind more. Finally received an autism diagnosis after a lifetime of confusion and misdiagnosis of other things. Considering changing career/retraining. Kids growing up and becoming more independent. Fitter, stronger, slimmer than I've ever been. Nice house, still a large-ish mortgage but you can't have it all. Feel more content in my self and prioritise things like lots of sleep, eating well, relaxing. Know my style & what suits me. In a healthy, respectful long term partnership where we give each other lots of space to do our own thing but have shared interests too. Edited to add - HRT has been helpful as I navigate perimenopause.

Had a baby at 42 and he is the light of my life 😍

My guess would be that you're trying to look "the same/young" rather than "good", and that isn't working, hence twice the work for half the result. Maybe the answer is to try and look like the best version of what you now are - your 40 year old self is never going to hold a candle to your 20 year old self in terms of smooth skin, glossy hair, slender waist etc so instead see what your best features are now and enhance those. You see more older models now and the ones who look good are never the ones trying to look young. And it doesn't have to mean twin-set and pearls; just that you have to find a style that works for you as you are now, and be prepared to stick with it even in the face of "trends" that come and go and ate promoted with the teen/20s market in mind.

I've never worn make up, and I think that's an advantage to me now I'm nearly 40 - I haven't set up an unrealistic expectation for myself or others of how I should look, and don't have to face the contrast between myself with and without slap becoming more stark as the years encroach.

This is a well timed thread. I turn 40 next year and hadn’t given it any thought until i turned 39 and suddenly it seemed a bit momentous.

im a serial job changer never finding one I like, but recently an opportunity has fallen into my lap and I was swithering about taking the risk. But, if not now when.

was a bit surprised when I made a couple of plans as goals for next year and got confused faces from friends and family. It would cost them, inconvenience them to be their feet covered in blisters!

Ideal woman for who and what? Men? And running round after men?

positive about 40s-
-children are more self sufficient (not quite but about a year off being able to be left home alone)
-honestly most of the time give less f**s - about what unimportant people think of me, wondering why he/ she said that etc.
-phases of high sex drive
-able to see etc who’s important and leave the rest

Negatives- grey hair, more lines, drier skin, pigmentation.

I don't have or want kids but I don't like the idea that my options are getting taken away from me if I did change my mind. I could freeze but also cba with that either because it also sounds like pain/hassle. I don't think I'll change my mind at this point but still.

My hormones have always been all over the place and my mum didn't do well with menopause so fingers crossed.

I'm curious, so many posters saying that they're unaffected by ageism in the media (or denying it even exists) and that in your 40's you stop giving a shit about what you look like, no longer care what others think, feel more confident and secure in yourself etc so how is it that botox, fillers and other cosmetic procedures have become so normalised?

I don't think it is "normal" though.
I know lots of people from 40 - 80, through all sorts of things I do, many of them I've known for years, so I think I'd notice if they turned up looking different. Also, in conversations at various points over the years, people I know cannot comprehend why anyone would want to inject themselves with chemicals.
Yes, we know "people in the public eye" have work done, and of course we know there are some people who are not in the public eye that do, but it certainly isn't 'normal' amongst the dozens upon dozens of people I know.

Excellent post.

I do agree with this.

that in your 40's you stop giving a shit about what you look like, no longer care what others think, feel more confident and secure in yourself etc so how is it that botox, fillers and other cosmetic procedures have become so normalised?

I certainly haven't "stopped giving a shit" about what I look like but I don't think I need botox, fillers and other cosmetic procedures to look good.
Maybe that's where the "having more confidence and feeling more secure in myself" bit comes in.
I don't know anyone personally who's had stuff done but those I've seen in the wild, as it were, didn't persuade me that it helps people look better.
Maybe you're conflating looking good with looking young?
No treatment gives back the genuine look of youth - even those who can afford the best end up looking odd if they persist.

I'm curious, so many posters saying that they're unaffected by ageism in the media (or denying it even exists) and that in your 40's you stop giving a shit about what you look like, no longer care what others think, feel more confident and secure in yourself etc so how is it that botox, fillers and other cosmetic procedures have become so normalised?

There is a lot of fillers and Botox in the area I live, but I’d say 95% of it is in younger people, lip and cheek fillers, lots of fake tans, lashes, nails. There is a bit of it in older people, mainly in the next village over which is full of bored wealthy insta moms.

Yes, DD was born. A few promotions at work too, career changed in my late 30s and it’s going much better than I could ever have expected.

I had my second baby at 41 😍. I’m 44 now and still thinking lots of great things can happen in my 40s!

Had baby (best thing that has happened in my entire life), separated from abusive ex, had another abusive relationship but got out much quicker. Retrained. Became unemployed, don’t own house. Am lost and have no idea where there rest of my 40s will take me but has to be better I hope